


What Blooms in Isolation

by LadyZephyr



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: AU, COVID19, F/F, Modern, Pandemic - Freeform, Romance, there be no clones here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:07:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 44,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25052896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyZephyr/pseuds/LadyZephyr
Summary: Cosima Niehaus gets very bored in quarantine but at least she has an interesting neighbour. And a possible solution.
Relationships: Delphine Cormier/Cosima Niehaus
Comments: 218
Kudos: 238





	1. Chapter 1

_ Day 1 _

This was it, Cosima thought, locking her apartment door. Self-quarantine at home. She certainly wasn’t going to go against recommendations. But living alone through Covid19 was bound to be a pain. 

Sure there was Skype, and Netlfix and UberEats. But… she knew it’d be lonely. And she’s never been much of a cook. 

The unit on the left side of hers was empty, she heard nothing through the walls. And the man living in 302 was often away. There was silence.

Cosima cranked on her music and dug around for the handroll she’d left in her purse. She pauses to light it with the cheap purple lighter she’d purchased as a backup. She stops to inhale. 

At least her thesis would finally get done. She hoped.

Assuming she didn’t spend most days waking and baking to stave off the boredom. 

* * *

_ Day 4 _

A soft knocking at the door disturbs Cosima from the latest chapter of her dissertation. She’d barely even started her latest research project. She did not yet have enough external research that she could start on this anyway. At least that’s what her advisors wanted. She had to do something after all. 

Another Skype meeting with her advisor had gotten her almost nowhere. Sure, they’d approved her annotated bibliography and suggested additional resources but lack of access to other humans was posing a huge problem. Nevermind passing ethics.

“Who’s there?” Cosima calls without opening the door. She hasn’t seen anyone. Not in nine days, she was following public health recommendations. Left only to get groceries once a week and stood dumbfounded as the toilet paper aisle was still empty. She doesn’t enjoy scrambling to get beans or rice. At least she had plenty stocked up. What a stroke of luck that was. 

“My name is Delphine. I moved into apartment 306 two days ago.” 

Cosima remembers the moving truck that didn’t have quite enough furniture. A few deliveries have come by as well. Whoever Delphine was, she didn’t have much in the way of furniture. 

“You moved during the pandemic?” Cosima shoots back surprised. She’d seen the movers, not even wearing masks but she hadn’t seen the new tenant. 

“I had to… and I need your help.” Delphine calls, her soft accented voice drifting through the wood of the door. 

“With what? We’re all supposed to be social distancing?” Nevermind that her new neighbour was French. Nevermind that her voice made something in Cosima’s stomach drop pleasantly. This was a terrible idea. Especially if Delphine was fresh off a plane. 

“I cannot move my mattress into my bedroom by myself. The delivery workers won’t bring it past the lobby.”

“Bed in a box or giant mattress?” Cosima checks. She can’t assume anything.

“Bed in a box. ” Delphine answers. “I can pay you.”

“No… No, I’ll help you.” Cosima agrees. She doesn’t have a mask yet, they’re on order but she moves to cover her face with a scarf.

She opens the door to find Delphine standing there awkwardly. Beautiful face uncovered, for now. 

“Hi. I’m Cosima.” She waves in lieu of a handshake.

“Enchantée.” Delphine nods at her, trying to keep as much distance between them as possible.

“So you’re in 306. That’s the corner unit.” Cosima remarks aloud.

“Yes.” Delphine nods. 

Cosima sighs. “OK. Let’s go get your mattress.”

“It’s pronounced ‘hammock’?” Cosima puzzles over the box as she helps Delphine carry it from the elevator to her apartment.

Delphine merely shrugs, swinging open the door and she helps her carry the mattress to the master bedroom. It’s heavy, but with the two of them they manage fine. 

“Tilt it.” Cosima instructs opening the box. Delphine does, and she manages to rip apart the box at the bottom. They guide the mattress out onto the floor.

  
“I don’t have a box spring or a frame yet. But the manufacturer said I could put it right on the floor.” Delphine explains unasked.

Delphine wordlessly grabs her scissors from the kitchen and pierces the packaging, the mattress quickly unrolls and inflates.

  
“King sized?”

“Yes.” Delphine nods.

“It’s nice.” Cosima comments, The apartment is sparsely furnished. Delphine definitely doesn’t have much yet.

“Thank you. I know it’s quite empty.” Delphine apologizes.

“... So much for two weeks of total isolation?” Cosima grimaces. Hopefully she’s not going to get the plague from this. She does not have time.

  
“Oh no… I haven’t left the country. I rented a room close to the university. I needed to get out of there.” Delphine tells her matter-of-factly. “Is 304 like this?”

“Sort of? 304 only has one bedroom. And it’s not this nice.” Cosima comments, clearly Delphine’s unit had been reno’d before being rented out. It wasn’t fair. Cosima observes the new modern kitchen and much nicer bathroom.

“I guess that’s it.” Cosima looks around a little. She knows this apartment is at least several hundred dollars more expensive a month than her own. And her condo apartment isn’t cheap.

“Thank you. I live alone and this, this was so helpful.” Delphine smiles.

“No problem.” Cosima responds. “If it weren’t for Covid19 I’d offer to show you around the neighborhood. Best places to get groceries, takeout…”

“But we must return to social distancing.” Delphine nods. “It was nice to have met you Cosima. I hope to see you again. When… this is all over.”

“Yeah. Of course.” Cosima nods and goes back to the door, she lets Delphine open and close it. 

“Back to work.” Cosima says to herself, pulling up her favourite falafel joint on UberEats. At least she’ll eat well tonight.

* * *

_ Day 12 _

The days quickly blend into each other, barring those weird grocery trips to supermarkets with assorted half-empty shelves. 

She is honestly spending more time being baked than she is on her dissertation. But oh well. Cosima figures she will end up with a year delay anyway. At least her PhD program is relatively flexible? She continues her research, spending a few hours in the afternoon pouring over academic journals.

She occasionally sees Delphine from her balcony. The blonde is always leaning against the railing, facing away as she smokes what is undoubtedly a cigarette. They don’t talk and she hears almost nothing from the other apartment. 

Her cell rings and she answers it without thinking.

“Hey Scott.” Cosima responds lazily, taking another drag off her lit joint. No Delphine on the balcony today. 

“Hey Cosima… I need a favour.”

“What kind of favour?” Cosima knows she can’t just agree to anything.

“So, I agreed to foster a cat but… I can’t. I already filled out the rescue application for you. All you need to do is read it, sign it and email it.” Scott tells her quickly.

A soft vibration from her phone quickly shows her that the foster-application has already been sent. At least Scott made it easier for her.

“You want me to foster a cat?” Cosima balks.

“The rescue is too full plus she’s pregnant.” Scott explains briefly. “She doesn’t get along with Denise. I can’t keep her here. I can do a full contact-less drop off.”

“Umm I guess so?” Cosima says aloud. She quickly signs the form and sends it off. At least it’d be some sort of company.

“Great. Oh you’ll get to name the kittens but I really want to stick to the theme.”

“What theme?”

“Studio Ghibli characters.” Scott answers without hesitation. “Her name is Kiki.”

“Kiki.” Cosima nods. She thinks she might have seen one movie with an ex-girlfriend back in highschool. Beyond that she’s not overly familiar with them. 

“I ordered you supplies online. They should be there tomorrow. I’ll bring Kiki in her carrier with food and I’ll bring Cats for Dummies.”

“Cats for Dummies?!” Cosima balks. 

  
“You’ve never had pets.” Scott reminds her. “Just think of it as a quick reference guide to feline care.”

“Fine… just what do I do when the cat gives birth in my apartment?”

  
“Oh she’s got a good month or so of gestation left.” Scott brushes off her concerns. “She’ll be fine. You just need to trim the fur around her genitals.”   
  
Cosima cracks up laughing. “What?”

“She’s a long hair.” Scott informs her.

“Great. Cat pubic grooming.” She grimaces and hangs up the phone. At least it’s something to do.

She wanders back out to the balcony, peering over the edge to find Delphine sitting on the ground drinking tea out of a mug.

  
“Hey Delphine.” Cosima calls across the metre and a half divide between their balconies.

  
“Allo Cosima.”

“You smoking again?”

  
“I don’t smoke.” Delphine answers too quickly.

“Hah… Yeah. I saw you two days ago with a cigarette.” Cosima makes a face. “Busted.”

Delphine laughs. “It’s my last pack. That was the last cigarette I am buying until the end of quarantine.”

“Ooh cold turkey.” Cosima teases. She can’t help herself.   
  
“Cold turkey?”

“It means abruptly.” Cosima clarifies. Maybe Delphine hasn’t been in Canada that long.

“It’s worth a shot.” Delphine grimaces.

“Bet you’re in withdrawal.”

“I am.” Delphine nods. “But I can handle it. Do you smoke?”

“Only pot.” Cosima shoots Delphine a winning smile. “What do you do for a living?”

“I’m doing a PhD at University of Toronto, trying to branch into working in research. I’m a speech language pathologist.” Delphine smiles. “I am just doing research mostly now. I have to teach one remote class a week now. And I still take part-time clients but… language assessments are extremely difficult to conduct via Skype.”

  
“I’m a student there!” Cosima can’t stop exclaiming. She suspects they’re daily close in age, but Delphine was clearly more disciplined. 

“What field?” Delphine is definitely intrigued. 

“Linguistics and Anthropology. I’m sort of straddling the two right now.” Cosima answers without hesitation. “Cosima Niehaus, lazy PhD candidate.”

“Are you more syntax or psycholinguistics?”

“Psycholinguistics is definitely more interesting. But...I’m still figuring out my dissertation. I’m looking at language in traumatic brain injury and stroke patients.” Cosima admits with a small smirk. They weren’t so different after all. 

“So not children?” Delphine surmises.

  
“Not unless they’re injured.” Cosima jokes.

A slow smile spreads across Delphine’s face. “It’s good to meet you, Cosima Niehaus. Thank you again for your help with my mattress.”   
  


“Is it any good, or are you sending it back?” Cosima wonders aloud. 

“Oh it’s excellent. I am keeping it.” Delphine tells her. “I am  _ very _ comfortable.”

“Nice.” Cosima grins. Then on a whim she asks. “Tell me about your research.”   
  
Delphine’s smile grows wider if anything. “How much time do you have?”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


_ Day 14 _

It’s another day, including another drawn out balcony conversation, before she’s ready to ask what she wants. The cat has been dropped off, and other than being sent cat-care tips from Scott, she’s mostly hid under the bed. At least the cat was eating. Massive amounts of cat food that had been provided to her. She supposes it’s the pregnant part making the cat eat so damn much but maybe the cat was just fat?

She exits her apartment, silently practicing what she plans to say. Surely she can make this offer inviting enough. Cosima smiles, she’d even made an effort to look cute for Delphine. Not like there was anyone else around to try to impress.

Surely two single people bubbling up was a good solution to stave off loneliness during the pandemic. It was clear that she and Delphine had plenty in common, and conversations would never be dull. Maybe sharing meals would give her some motivation to cook and if there were awkward silences they could watch Netflix or smoke up. It was a solid plan, Cosima reminds herself, nervously poised outside Delphine’s door.    
  
She knocks, trying not to be too enthusiastic. Or frantic.

“Cosima?” Delphine opens the door curiously. “Is something wrong? Do you need help?”

“OK, Delphine. So I’m single. You’re single.” Cosima gestures fluidly between the two of them from her spot at Delphine’s door. She’s even wearing a cloth mask, a rainbow one of course, in case Delphine says no.

“Is this a come on?” Delphine wonders aloud. “I am very flattered, but … I like men, Cosima.”   
  
Cosima cannot contain a small grimace. She’d hoped maybe, but that wasn’t why she was making the offer. “Not quite what I meant. I meant that we live alone. Why not bubble up?”

Delphine’s brow furrows. “Bubble up?”

“Be one household for the duration of the pandemic. We can see each other, eat together, hang out.. I can help you build your IKEA furniture so you don’t wrestle with a KALLAX shelf for five hours solo?” 

“Alright.” Delphine laughs. “I guess you heard me.”

“Yes. The French cursing was hard to miss.” Cosima laughs. She does _ like _ Delphine, she cannot deny that. But… they both need company even if they’re not quite a perfect match.

“But… for safety, the arrangement has to be exclusive. So… is anyone coming in or out of your place, or vice versa?” Cosima hopes she’s clear enough, while making sure she’s not going to be exposed to more people. 

“Non.” Delphine nods with a shy smile. “Nobody. You’re the only person I have seen face to face. Other than the delivery workers and the movers.”

“Then we can do this?”   
  


“Yes. We can.” Delphine nods.

  
“Great. Dinner at mine?” Cosima offers.

“Yes. I’d like that” Delphine agrees. “I can cook if you want?”

“So you’ve…”

“Seen the massive amount of takeout containers that you have taken to the garbage chute?” Delphine teases. “Only twice.”

“Change of location? Sure.” Cosima agrees. She remembers the small table and two chairs she saw at Delphine’s. “Can I come in?” 

“Yes.” Delphine steps back and allows her to enter her apartment. It is as sparse as she remembers. The second bedroom door is open revealing what seems to be a standing desk and a large bookshelf. 

“Thanks.” Cosima removes her mask and tucks it into a pocket. “I guess I don’t need this now.”

“Not here anyway.” Delphine goes to her kitchen. “Do you like minestrone?”

“Soup? Sure.” Cosima agrees taking a seat. “Oh umm, I’m vegetarian. So… I might be annoying for you to feed.”

“No. Not at all. I can accommodate that.” Delphine offers, brushing her off. “So we’ll try some new recipes along the way. It might be fun. See how many unique meals we can eat in a row.”

  
“That could be fun. Also...weird.” 

“I guess we could share our grocery shopping too. Only one of us has to go if we are bubbled.”

“I can do that.” Cosima volunteers. “I… I already have been and I can definitely manage it.”

“But you don’t have a car.” Delphine acknowledges. “We could try to order groceries for delivery for the most part, only go out for specialized items.”

“Nope. Do you?”

“Unfortunately not. I didn’t think I would need one here.” Delphine wrinkles her nose somewhat.   
  
“We’ll work something out.” Cosima assures her. This arrangement could be very beneficial. She hopes. At the very least, it’d be good company.


	2. Chapter 2

_ Day 15 _

“Your cat is very fat.” Delphine comments, sitting contentedly on her couch enjoying an ice cream bar.

“She’s not  _ my _ cat, she’s just like being fostered for a few months… and she’s pregnant.” Cosima adds. The cat is temporary. Cosima reminds herself, even if she is getting friendlier and happy here.

  
The cat begins rubbing her fluffy black body all over Delphine and Cosima has never before been jealous of a cat, but there’s a first time for everything. The more she gets to know Delphine, the more she finds herself liking her. It’s too easy, too comfortable and totally not allowed.

  
“What’s her name?”

“Kiki. I think the rescue wants to name her kittens after Ghibli studios characters. That’s what Scott said anyway.” Cosima shrugs. “She’s a nice enough cat.”

  
“She is lovely!” Delphine coos at the cat, who seems to take to her just as quickly. Settling her large, fluffy black body onto Delphine’s lap. 

“She is pretty cute.” Cosima concedes. “It’s been nice having another living thing around. Especially when I thought my quarantine would be solo.”

“Very cute.” Delphine coos at the cat, now scratching her behind the ears.

At least Kiki was a boon for Delphine, Cosima figured.

“So how is the dissertation going?”

“It doesn’t.” Delphine sighs. “Barely anyone is working. If I want to create multilingual speech therapy programs - I’ll have to do it myself. If I can even find subjects.”

“Toronto is big.” Cosima comments inconsequentially.

“Yes, but few want to leave their homes. The toddlers who aren’t talking aren’t the biggest concern their parents have right now. Unless there are accompanying behaviours.” Delphine shakes her head.

“Hmmm.”

“But you’re working?”

Delphine shrugs. “Private consultations. Remotely. Less than 20 hours a week.”

“Plus a dissertation!” Cosima emphasizes. How can this woman not know how crazy impressive she is?

“It’s almost all I do though. I have precious little fun.”

Cosima smirks. “We could have some fun.”

“In quarantine?”

“Do you want to get baked?”

“High? On marijuana?” Delphine clarifies. “OK.”

“We’ll smoke on the balcony though… or at yours. I don’t really want to get Kiki high.” Cosima looks at the cat. No, that was one experiment she would not be conducting while playing guardian to this feline. 

“Alright.” Delphine gently moves the cat. “Out we go.”

“Yeah then we’ll watch Dark Crystal on Netflix, I have a feeling it’ll be extra trippy high.”

Delphine only laughs.

“How do you say trippy in French?”

“Trippant. But it’s an anglicism.” Delphine explains.

It’s only later, more than mildly high and practically cuddled on her couch that Cosima remembers Delphine is straight. Nevertheless Delphine os intently looking at her nose ring, poking at it gently while talking about puppets and piercings. But Kiki settles herself between them, intent on being loved and that provides a little distance. She absently scratches the cat behind the ears and swears the cat begins to vibrate softly as she purrs.

“I am so hungry.” Delphine whines. 

So she quickly orders them UberEats Thai food. Vegetarian for her, seafood for Delphine. And falls over herself to give it to Delphine when it arrives.

“You’re high.” Cosima giggles at Delphine watching her eat enthusiastically with chopsticks. 

“You wanted me high.” Delphine responds. “It’s new for me but it’s...fun.”

Cosima leans in, suddenly uninhibited. “Yeah and it’s so cute!”

The words seem to sober Delphine somewhat, moving for a little more personal space. 

“Do you wanna dance with me?” Cosima asks, surely that could be fun. She pauses the episode, they aren’t even really watching. Maybe they’ll try another time, sober.

But Delphine just laughs, nuzzling Kiki’s soft fur.

Cosima flicks on her Bluetooth speaker and starts a playlist. She gets up to dance alone and she knows she looks good. Delphine’s eyes follow her movements, just watching as Cosima’s arms move over her head, as her entire body moves to the music.

Delphine is watching her. That much is clear. Whether it’s genuine interest or if she’s just in a cannabis induced stupor she cannot be sure. Hazel eyes find brown, and she watches her.

“Come on, dance with me.” Cosima invites again, holding her hands out for Delphine. Her pad thai left on the table, she’ll eat after. She just wants to dance, wants to see what this is like with Delphine. Whatever little contact she can have.

Delphine regards her curiously for a moment. ”Cosima, are you gay?”

There’s no point in beating around the bush over that. “Yes.” She’d assumed Delphine had guessed, it’s not like she made any effort to hide it.

  
  


“Alright. I just wanted to know.” Delphine nods, munching on another shrimp coated in green curry.

“Is that a problem?” Cosima stops momentarily. She didn’t think so, but who knows in this day and age. Maybe bubbling up with a lesbian was ...intimidating? She tries hard not to look at Delphine like she wants to devour her, maybe she’s failing?

“No. Not at all.” Delphine shakes her head and continues eating. Cosima sits down, seeing that her invitation is not going to be accepted and eats her Pad Thai. 

* * *

  
  


_ Day 17 _

The sound of her fire alarm going off causes Cosima to jump up and panic. Instantly killing the mood. Not the bread. Not the bread. She opens the oven and removes the loaves, which are both thoroughly browned. They don’t look too burnt though.

“What, what are you doing Cosima?” Delphine comes into her apartment, without really knocking and begins to fan the smoke alarm. 

“I was making bread. Or, you know, trying to.” Cosima turns off the oven.

“Mon dieu, Cosima.” Delphine grumbles, fanning the smoke alarm with a large book. A large, and very homoeorotic book, Cosima winces when she sees what Delphine has grabbed from her coffee table. But it was out, so maybe it’s her own fault.

“What?”   
  


“Turn on the fan above your oven.” Delphine prompts, waiting until Cosima has leaned up on her tippy toes to flick the switch.

It’s not until Delphine has moved to set the book down that she notices it’s contents. Delphine frowns, furrowing her brows and flips through several pages.

  
“What?” Cosima tries to appear nonchalant that her private reading materials are now up for grabs.

  
“This… this is extremely erotic.” Delphine responds flatly flipping through several more pages of lesbian erotica as if she were perusing a dictionary.

  
“Yeah. That would be what I was reading.” Cosima reaches, assuming that Delphine will hand her book back. 17 solitary days and Cosima was definitely reaching for some stimulating reading material. Some sort of safe fantasy to get off on instead of inappropriate thoughts of her new neighbour. It had seemed like a better plan. Lose herself in the romance and desire of two fictional characters, instead she has the awkward and stimulating experience of watching Delphine speed read it.   
  
“While the bread was burning?” Delphine appears to be an extremely fast reader. Either that or the française is merely skimming.

“Yeah… umm do you want some bread?” Cosima moves to her kitchen. “I can cut us some when it cools? I’m making a soup to go with it. It is definitely my turn to cook after all.”   
  


Delphine’s eyes widen slightly as she takes in another page. “Is it burnt?” 

“I hope not.” Cosima responds, trying to sound like a person who was not having their fantasy fodder carefully examined.

“This… this cannot be physically possible.” Delphine shakes her head suddenly. “No one can do that!”

Cosima is unsure whether to laugh or not. She certainly didn’t picture her new  _ straight bestie _ getting into that particular book. Especially not leafing through it and not instantly putting it down. Instead she peers around Delphine’s shoulder to the page she was fairly certain Delphine was reading.

  
“Uh… yeah. No, no that’s like definitely possible.” Cosima tells her without any shame.

“No. It can’t be. That would hurt… and I still don’t think that it can -”    
  
“Delphine, I’ve done it.” Cosima spells it out. “It is doable. Not  _ easy _ , but… doable.”

Delphine’s eyes widen looking at her. “But… how?!” Delphine’s beautiful face contorts slightly, and Cosima finds herself laughing at her.

  
Cosima tilts her head, thinking of one easy way to shut this line of questioning down. “Do you want me to show you?” She couldn’t really of couse, that was way beyond ‘Lesbian Sex 101’, and Delphine would never let her do anything. At least she assumed Delphine wouldn’t. Though maybe if this pandemic went on long enough Delphine might get….experimental? She certainly seemed like she might actually be interested. Or… curious? Could she go there again with a straight girl? Wasn’t she getting kind of old for that?

“Non... non, of course not.” Delphine closes the book, a little too quickly, and sets it back on the coffee table.

“So bread?” Cosima offers again.

  
“You made me bread?”   
  


“I wanted to impress you after that amazing curry you made us last night.”

“It was nothing. I just followed a recipe.” Delphine smiles.

  
“It was phenomenal!” Cosima blurts out. “And the company didn’t hurt either.”   
  
Delphine’s cheeks redden slightly. “Thank you.”   
  


“How was the last toddler you did intake for? That’s what you were doing this morning, right?”

“Tongue-tied. He can barely lift his tongue at all. It’s a physical limitation not an intellectual one. It needs repair which may be difficult finding someone to do it during the pandemic. It also explains why he’s never been a good eater. ” Delphine brushes it off.

  
“Tongue tied?” Cosima tilts her head, this isn’t something she expected Delphine to say. Surely that’s just an expression.   
  
“His lingual frenulum isn’t stretching well enough to permit normal function.” Delphine explains. “He needs a frenectomy or he likely will continue to struggle with speech. It also affects breastfeeding, dentition… it’s a pain. A real problem.” 

“Wow. All that from a not-mobile-enough tongue?” Cosima waggles her playfully. She was pushing too far, but she was trying to keep it playful. Not serious. So far, Delphine seemed to tolerate mild flirtation from her.

“You are definitely not tongue tied.” Delphine laughs at her. “Nice mobility. Excellent speech production, in English anyway.”

“Yeah. Yeah tell me about it. My dad’s German, He moved to the US as a teenager, and my German kind of sucks too.”   
  


“So just English? I thought you studied linguistics, why not another language?”   
  
“I am a cunning-linguist.” Cosima jokes. “Bit of German. Bit of French, but I’m not fluent. I took a semester of Italian once, but I conveniently forgot it all after a nice vacation where I used to to order in restaurants and find the train.”

Delphine misses the joke. “Well, are you ready to try the bread? It’s probably cool enough now?”

“Oui! Je suis excitée.” Cosima grins at Delphine, trying out her very limited French. She might as well try to impress her.

“Euh…” Delphine gives her a look and giggles.

“What?”

“You just told me…”   
  


“That I was excited.” Cosima smiles, that much she can manage.

“That you are  _ aroused _ .” Delphine finishes. “I don’t think that is what you meant to say, chérie.”

“Oops.” Cosima grimaces briefly. She is aroused, between Delphine and her recent reading materials, but that’s beside the point. It’s not like she can admit to that. Especially with Delphine standing in her apartment.

“I’ll slice up the bread.” Delphine offers. “And then we will work on that French of yours.”

“OK.”

“Bien.” Delphine nods with a smile.

  
Something in Cosima’s chest responds, and she stifles it back down. It’s not the time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the weirdest chapter of anything I have ever written. 
> 
> I am getting weirder as a writer for sure.

_ Day 28 _

“Happy almost-month of Quarantine.” Cosima greets Delphine at her apartment door with a small pull-cart of groceries. “I bought you toilet paper.”

“My hero!” Delphine jests, stepping back and allowing Cosima to enter her apartment.

“Seriously. I have just braved Loblaws for this. And Canadian Tire.” Cosima grimaces. 

“I know… We should swap who has to go shopping.” Delphine offers again.

  
“We are ordering most of it online. What we can.” Cosima brushes her off. “I don’t mind doing it.”

“Did you get the tofu?” Delphine asks. “The frozen vegetables?”

  
“Yup. No frozen vegetables or dried beans though. Still.” Cosima sighs. “Hopefully we get some on the online order.”

“We can make do.” Delphine assures her. “I am going to make a big batch of soup and freeze it again. Make our vegetables last just in case.”

“It is a good idea. Especially with winter hanging on by its teeth here.” Cosima agrees. “I’ll peel and chop?” 

  
“You make an excellent sous-chef!” Delphine grins. 

“So… want to play a game?” Cosima asks as she’s peeling a few potatoes. 

“What kind of game?” Delphine gets out her largest pot and puts it onto her stove. 

“Think of as many words as you can that are synonyms for another word.” Cosima suggests, thinking she may have found something that will suit them both.

  
“Can I use French words?” Delphine asks, tongue in her teeth.

“That’s kind of cheating. Cause, we’ve established my French is only so-so.”

“I'll take that as a maybe.” Delphine smiles. “Is slang allowed?”

  
“Fine.” Cosima concurs. She’ll allow that. 

  
“So what’s our first word?”

“Discombobulate.” Cosima answers without hesitation. “And go!”

Delphine hesitates a moment. “Confuse. Bewilder. Confound. Fluster. Perplex. Puzzle. Embrouiller. Déboussoler.”

“That’s eight… more?” Cosima decides to give Delphine the benefit of the doubt when it comes to French words. It’s really not fair though. 

“Non.” Delphine thinks, trying to come up with more words. “Mess up. Mix up. Screw up.”

“Technically all phrases, but I’ll allow it.” Cosima grins. She’s the one who is discombobulated here. Not Delphine. But in Delphine’s presence. She had been hoping it would just be a physical attraction, one she could quash down and easily get over. Unfortunately, Delphine was appealing on multiple levels.

“But languages evolve. Look at France French vs Quebecois! Look how different it can be speaking the same language!” Delphine argues. “They’re stuck in the 1600s! It’s like a time lapse and they have weird words. I understand but sometimes it’s not like we’re speaking the same language. It’s like an odd dialect.”

“Because they call blueberries  _ bleuets _ ?” Cosima jokes. They’d had this discussion over a large bag of frozen blueberries not long ago.

“Perhaps.”’Delphine concedes. “I am not being a conceited parisienne!” She’s quick to defend herself. 

“Languages change and evolve, and they did evolve separately. After the 1600s.” Cosima offers. “I mean English is constantly evolving too, and not always for the better. I get angry at the new dictionary words for no reason.”

“YOLO?” Delphine quips teasingly.

“Carpe Diem for the illiterate.” Cosima responds with a smirk.

Delphine laughs at her. “So you’ll only seize the day in Latin, but I’m the snob?”

“You grew up in Paris and went to an all girls boarding school!” Cosima teases, it’s too easy. 

“Yes. I did.” Delphine agrees. “And you keep bringing it up!”

“I used to have fantasies about being at an all girls school.” Cosima smirks. She doubts Delphine shares that but maybe there was some youthful experimentation. Maybe Delphine isn’t as straight as she claims, or that she wasn’t always. The idea pleases Cosima at any rate. Even if it’s 100% fantasy.

“Yes, well I’m sure you would have enjoyed it more than I did.” Delphine laughs. At least that much had gone over well.

“When did you lose your virginity?” Cosima asks on a whim.

Delphine jumps slightly, startled. “What? What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’ll tell you. I was 17 and with my second ever girlfriend Amanda.” Cosima smiles. “Up in her childhood bedroom.”

Delphine seems briefly scandalized. “Cosima!”

“Come on, tell me!” Cosima probes. No doubt there have been plenty of men, plenty of interest. “Were you like super young or something? You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“Cosima…” Delphine sighs bringing a hand to her head. “I was 20, and already in university. Most of the way through my first degree.”

“That’s not what I expected.” Cosima tries not to feel awkward about this revelation. Why so late? And why … why did she want to judge it? Surely there wasn’t anything objectively wrong with a later sexual debut. She certainly shouldn’t try to infer anything optimistic from it.

“Non? Why? You’d assume I was 13 and desperate for sex because I’m French?” Delphine tosses back. 

“No, just… there must have been a lot of guys around.” Cosima shrugs.

“Not at all girls boarding school.” Delphine quips. “And in university, I was busy with other things and then I realized it was getting strange that I hadn’t. So I did.”

“You had sex because you didn’t want to be considered weird?” Cosima’s briefly stunned. She’d been expecting a youthful love story. Something that would reaffirm Delphine’s stated heterosexuality. Instead, Cosima finds herself wondering what Delphine actually desires. 

“It was weird.” Delphine tells her. “I was honestly more interested in psychology and language and biology than I was in sex. It took awhile for me to get used to it. Then it was a few relationships, lovers, and one very awkward one night stand we are not going to discuss in detail.” 

“But… you weren’t super into it?” Cosima wonders aloud. Her undergraduate minor in sexuality, marriage and family studies briefly coming back to haunt her. She shouldn’t wonder, she should just accept it. Face value, it would be easier. Especially as Toronto’s shutdown looked like it would drag on for months to come.

“I got into it.” Delphine responds defensively. “I enjoyed it.”

“OK.” Cosima throws up her hands in mock-defeat. It cannot be safe to continue this particular line of questioning with Delphine. Delphine who may not crave sex at all. Cosima frowns briefly, maybe that’s enough to dim her own longing. 

“Do you want to take a walk with me?” Delphine asks, changing the subject. “I haven’t been outside in days and I could use the exercise.”

“Alright.” Cosima nods. “I’ll get my coat.”

They wander together down the street, not touching and Cosima looks over at Delphine, who is gesturing her way through a story from her master’s degree, glowing and beautiful in the sunlight.

“I emailed a few colleagues of mine.” Delphine offers.

“Oh?”

“I mentioned I knew an excellent PhD student wanting to look at post-brain injury language. And I gave them your email. You might hear back from a few of them. One I think will definitely email you.”

“You did?”

“Yes. Some speech language pathologists like me. Some occupational therapists.” Delphine shakes her head. “It’s nothing, I just wanted to help you.”   
  


“Thank you. I really mean it Delphine. Access to other humans is huge right now. For… anything. I will definitely thank you in my acknowledgements section now… you can read what I have got whenever.”

“You’re very welcome.” Delphine says softly. Delphine lets her fingers brush her own and it feels so right, Cosima sighs, thinking to herself. How can this feel so right already?

* * *

  
  


_ Day 34 _

She gets bored enough she starts cleaning out her closet. And when she stumbles on the small box labelled ‘drag’, an idea quickly flits into her mind. Cosima giggles, taking out her old drag get up. She hasn’t used it in at least seven years, but it should still fit. She theorizes. The dreads she’ll just have to pull back, make the best of them. She doesn’t think the wig cap will work as well now. But the rest of it. Cosima laughs as she finds her old rodeoh harness. She might as well go all the way, if she’s going to introduce Delphine to Cosmo.

The binder fits, but she finds she has forgotten how it feels, the button up shirt needs a quick steam. Cosima ruffles through the box, a soft thud on her carpet reminds her something else had ended up in this box. “Well that’s old and probably needs sanitizing.” Cosima grimaces, giving the dildo a quick wash before using it to pack. It’s not like she has another one just sitting around the apartment. And, it’ll add to the overall effect.

Satisfied that she has transformed sufficiently, Cosima quickly leaves her apartment and scuffles over to Delphine’s. The neighbour in 302 looks at her, and rolls his eyes. Maybe he wasn’t as bored as she was during the pandemic. And he certainly didn’t have a Delphine to… play with? Impress. Cosima isn’t quite sure. Either way she knocks, hoping Delphine is done work for the morning. 

“Cosima?!” Delphine opens the door and lets her in, but seems stunned. “Why? Why are you dressed like that? What’s on your face?”

“I’m just… in drag.” Cosima explains, gesturing down her body. The tie, the vest, the button-up shirt and loose dress pants. It’s the look she remembers. The altered silhouette does seem to catch Delphine’s attention.

“Do you do this a lot?” Delphine asks carefully.

“Uh three times ever actually. Not counting today.” Cosima grimaces. “I just thought you’d get a kick out of it.”

“Why?”

“I was organizing my closets and I found my old drag stuff from when I did my undergrad amateur nights. I thought it’d be fun to see Cosmo again.” Cosima drops her voice. She purposely leaves out the rest of her character’s name. She isn’t sure she even wants to say that to Delphine. She was never a great performer but it had always been fun. 

“Cosmo?” Delphine repeats uncertainly.

“Umm my drag character? it’s performance art, essentially. Really, really queer performance art.”

“Show me.” Delphine invites, sitting on her couch. Curiosity getting the best of her, it seems.

“See something you like?” Cosima drops her voice and grabs her phone long enough to set on a slow song with a hard beat.

“Oh I do like the ladies… can’t resist ‘em.” Cosima continues her act. Her body language changes, she wants to stick to the act but she also recalls she usually pre-arranged making out with a ‘random’ audience member..

She passes on that part and decides to shift the act instead. “Wanna dance, baby?” She asks instead of leaning in to tease Delphine.

“Alright.” Delphine stands up, seemingly good with audience participation. Or at least amused enough to wonder what she’ll do next.

“I get a lot of tail… Because Big Cosmo doesn’t leave the dames wanting.” The silly voice makes Delphine giggle but at least she’s entertained, Cosima figures. It’s something novel to do.

She pulls Delphine in, hand pressed firmly in the small of her back. “But you… oh I might keep you a while.” Her voice is low, it’s very close to her old ‘Cosmo’ act but she’s sexed it up a little. Made him more of a romancer than a just a player, and it fits. The old school mob boss voice she tries to keep. But she never won the amateur contest. She’s not a great actor. Delphine is desperately trying not to laugh and she can tell.

She begins to dance with Delphine, one hand clasping hers, the other going to her hip, easing herself in closer. “See something you like?” 

Delphine giggles but then her eyes widen sharply. “What is that?” Delphine looks down at her in shock as they dance. 

Cosima immediately breaks character. “I’m packing! I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to like scare you.” She certainly doesn’t want Delphine to think she’s packing to attempt  _ seduction _ . 

“Packing?” Delphine repeats mystified.

“I’m wearing a dildo with the harness slightly pulled down and it’s tied to my leg.” Cosima blurts out in one sentence. “I don’t have a packer, so it’s just to make it look like I have a dick, for the act. Seriously. I wasn’t wearing it to use.” Cosima briefly berates herself for not just tossing a rolled up sock into her underwear. It would definitely have been less intimidating.

“Oh.” Delphine relaxes a little, though Cosima is fairly certain she doesn’t know the difference between a packer and a dildo. “Why?”

“No even a little exciting?” Cosima jokes. Might as well go for broke if she’s messed up this badly.

“Cosima…” Delphine sighs in exasperation, pulling back slightly.

“I  _ really _ like you, Delphine. And it’s totally ok that you just want to be friends but…” Cosima trails off wondering if there’s a politically correct and not at all pushy way to say this. She probably shouldn’t say it while  _ fucking _ packing for starters.

“Can I see?” Delphine asks unexpectedly, interrupting her tirade. Maybe just to put an end to it.

“See what?” Cosima asks blearily. She better get home before this turns into a total disaster. Maybe in a day or two when this blows over she’ll be able to sit around and chat with Delphine again. Or maybe they should just stick to smoking up and eating meals together for a while.

“See what packing looks like.” Delphine clarifies. “I’d never really heard of it.”

Now she’s the embarrassed one. “Um it’s like an underwear style harness and to pack it’s pulled down. I’m kind of exposed under here.” Cosima gestures between her legs.

“Can I see?” Delphine repeats, one hand against the bulge of the dildo. It’s too much, way too much Cosima thinks. Delphine definitely seems interested, if only in a bi-curious sort of way. Either way, this toy  _ cannot _ be used. It’s sat in her drag box for years and has definitely been in someone else. Maybe more than one someone, Cosima tries to remember but as she recalls after her drag shows she usually ended up having sex with someone. Usually a very aroused freshman who found her act, following the reveal of her real self intensely attractive. At least temporarily. It wore off within a few weeks when they realized it was nowhere near her real style.

“Alright.” This isn’t good for her sexual fantasies but Cosima unfastens her pants. She drops them, letting Delphine see the pulled down rodeoh harness, the partially exposed thatch of wiry dark hair, the flesh coloured dildo and the cut up red scarf.

“Oh.” Delphine says simply, sitting back onto her couch. Cosima pulls up her pants, fastening them shut again.

“Curiosity sated?” Cosima asks, trying to be calm. It’s not like Delphine had seen much. She didn’t seem aroused at any rate.

“For now.” Delphine admits. “I am sorry, I didn’t realize what you meant by exposed.”

“It’s ok. It’s just like, pubic hair.” Cosima brushes it off. It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just a body.

“What did you do after your drag shows? Did you take all that off?”

“Usually.” Cosima answers. Sometimes not alone. She definitely should have had a drink before doing this. Why had she neglected to drink? That was definitely supposed to be part of this.

“I’ll get you some makeup remover.” Delphine grins, headed for her ensuite bathroom. “I want to watch you become Cosima again.”

“That involves undressing!” Cosima shouts after her. ”Like me naked in your apartment undressing!” But Delphine doesn’t react.

“I don’t understand why someone would want to make it look like a woman has a dick.” Delphine calls from the other room.

“Well… it’s drag.” Cosima shouts back. “They know I’m really a woman.”

“But it’s not attractive.” Delphine presents her with a cloth and begins cleaning the false stubble off her face. ”What...what did you do to your eyebrows? And your breasts?”

Cosima shakes her head. “I guess Cosmo doesn’t do it for you then.”

“Non. He doesn’t. I really like Cosima though.” Delphine offers with a smile. “I’d rather like her back now.”

“Even though you know I…?” Cosima unbuttons her blouse, the white undershirt still on top of the binder. 

“That you like me? That’s...that’s flattering.” Delphine uses the same word as before. “Honestly, if I were younger…” Delphine lets herself trail off.

“If you were younger, what?” Cosima tilts her head, she unbuttons her pants but leaves them on, reaching only to remove the dildo. She lets it fall into the loose fabric rather than remove it upwards. The last thing she wants to do now is start waving that around.

“It’d be different.” Delphine responds with a small smile. “But I’m 31. Does that hurt?” Delphine points at the binder pinning her breasts down.

“No? Not really. I only ever bound for a couple hours at a time. Apparently it can get uncomfortable but that’s more of a trans experience thing than drag. I just hurt myself with tape the first time and listened to the pros after that.” Cosima goes to remove the undershirt but leaves the flesh toned binder on. Too old? What the heck was Delphine on about?

“I’ll get you some clothes.” Delphine offers as she finishes removing the makeup in her eyebrows. 

“I’m naked under this.” Cosima warns before removing the binder anyway. Delphine throws a blue t-shirt at her and she quickly slips it on. Delphine doesn’t look at her like Cosima hoped she would. The disappointment briefly stings as Cosima shifts, allowing the dildo to fall to the floor before covering it with her vest. 

“Why did you really come over here in drag?” Delphine asks, sitting and patting the couch.

“Umm.”

“Were you trying to seduce me? Was it a psychological experiment to test my reaction? Was it to make me laugh?” 

“I’d have been happy with just laughter. I really wanted to see how you reacted actually. I think the pandemic has me extra bored. I wanted to see your face when you saw me.” Cosima shrugs. “I thought maybe seeing me as Cosmo might… might shift things a little. Even if only for a few minutes. I’m not a great drag king. I kind of suck actually.”

“I don’t want you to be a man, Cosima. I just want you to be you. You’re wonderful when you’re you.”

She feels heat rise in her cheeks. “So, do you want to experiment?” That seems to be the way this is going, Cosima finds herself acknowledging. Might as well put it all out in the open.

“I told you, I’m too old!” Delphine shakes her head.

“And I’m 28. So what?” Cosima offers. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but maybe it was better than just staring at each other for prolonged periods. Or knowing how Delphine often watched her instead of whatever movie they opted to watch together. 

“I cannot start this all over.” Delphine explains. “It was hard enough the first time.”

“But nothing will get hard with me.” Cosima quips, unable to behave herself. It’s a terrible pun. Overtly sexual too, but she cannot help it.

Delphine gasps. “Cosima!” 

“What? You’re as familiar with physiological signs of arousal as I am. I assure you, no part of ‘Cosmo’ will be joining us.”

“You’re the only person I see. We are one household for the duration, remember?” Delphine tells her kindly instead. “I think that’s a pretty big risk to take.”

“You’re right. You’re right.” Cosima nods. “Shall I make you dinner to make this mess up to you?”

“Take ‘Cosmo’ home and come back. I have a one-pan ratatouille ready to go into the oven and I was going to make some spaghetti to go with it for our lunch.”

Cosima groans. “That sounds amazing.”

  
“It will be.” Delphine tells her confidently.

“J’ai hâte!” Cosima responds with the appropriate French this time, and is met with a real smile. Though, she admits to herself as she gathers her drag gear and plunks it all back into the box, minus the dildo which is destined for the garbage, ‘ _ excitée _ ’ is fairly accurate as well. 

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

_ Day 36 _

Cosima wakes feeling aroused, she cannot quite remember her dream beyond perfect legs and Delphine’s face. No point ignoring her fantasies now, Cosima decides.

She gets herself off to blissful thoughts of giving Delphine head. In her fantasy, Delphine is as enamoured as she is, clutching her desperately to her dripping core, begging her for more. It’s too easy, and she lets herself moan softly, fingers working quickly against her clit. One orgasm does nothing to ease the tension inside of her, she doubles her efforts imagining Delphine whimpering for her, Delphine wet for her. Delphine looking at her, looking at her body, feeling her under her own hands. Delphine pushing inside her eagerly as soon as she’s recovered from her own high.  _ Comme ça? _ Cosima imagines Delphine asking bucking her hips into her own hand until a second climax hits. Afterwards she lets herself flop face first onto the mattress. 

“Holy shit.” Cosima breathes into her pillow and a new warmth walks across her back and settles comfortably on her ass.

“Hi Kiki.” Cosima greets the cat without looking at her. “You ready to pop yet?” 

Kiki merely lets out a plaintive meow. She’s definitely overslept. And the cat was supposed to give birth any day. 

“Yeah I’ll feed you.” Cosima pries herself out of bed and serves the cat a heaping portion of wet cat food,

A black furry head headbutts her in thanks. Cosima scratches the cat briefly behind her ears and leaves her to her breakfast. Kiki eats very little and wanders off again. 

Shrugging Cosima lets her mind return to her fantasy. Fantasy Delphine was definitely easier to deal with than real Delphine. Real Delphine needs to get a fucking clue, Cosima surmises taking a deep breath and stretching in her living room. 

  
A quick knock to her door and the click of her spare key prove to her that she’s not going to get to enjoy her fantasy for long.

“Hey… I’m not dressed Delphine.” Cosima calls loudly. She quickly grabs an oversized t-shirt and throws it over her head. Knowing Delphine will hesitate long enough to let her do that. She was hoping to dress better for Delphine, to show off her assets, to attempt a gentle seduction but there isn’t time now.

“How goes the dissertation?” Delphine asks, seemingly unaffected by the sight of Cosima in what she probably assumes are pyjamas. 

“I’m reading articles on neuroplasticity and aging. Which from a strictly linguistic bent is tangential but I don’t think I can finish my dissertation without it. I may need to branch into speech language pathology. ” Cosima grins, because she knows it means more time with Delphine. Delphine’s mind is eager as ever to engage with her. Even if her body is reluctant. 

“Neuroplasticity?” Delphine repeats impressed. “Induction of neuroplasticity?”

“Hey, learning is lifelong! ” Cosima grins. “Keeping your mind active can help a lot. Or perhaps help recover language.”

“Definitely. Never too old to learn. Makes me think I should learn a fourth language.” Delphine trails off.

“A fourth? Now you’re just showing off,” Cosima teases.

“Europe is like that. Many people are polyglots.”

“Oooh, great word Dr. Cormier! Polyglot.” Cosima lowers her voice, trying to excite. 

“I don’t have my doctorate yet.” Delphine blushes.

“No, but you’re going to be amazing.” Cosima insists. “Anyone is lucky to get to work with you.” She leans in, grabbing her laptop from the coffee table. As Delphine still didn’t have a couch, hers was where the two often ended up.

“Cosima... ” Delphine pleads gently. 

“I mean it.” Cosima insists. “ Do you want to look over what I have so far? I’ll make you an omelette?” 

“Alright. Link me to the article.” Delphine nods, reaching for Cosima’s laptop. “And yes to breakfast.”

“Done.” Cosima jumps up and goes to her kitchen. She cannot help but be gleeful. Delphine had said she was too old. But maybe she could change her mind. 

Delphine looks very relaxed when she slides a plate containing half an omelette in front of her.    
  
“The article is good, but you’re branching out far past linguistics.” Delphine tells her. “It’s… it’s psychology and speech language pathology… it’s bigger than you might want.”

“Maybe bigger is ok.” Cosima shrugs. Sitting down and beginning to eat her own breakfast. “You working today?”

“I have one follow-up session. The child is largely non-verbal, it won’t last long. He isn’t doing well with remote sessions.”

“Why not?”

“He is not neurotypical.” Delphine summarizes. “Remote sessions lack the cues he needs I think. But we’ll try anyway.”

“Complicated.” Cosima states, knowing this is far out of her realm of expertise. 

“More complicated than a not-mobile enough tongue!” Delphine offers. 

“Definitely.” Cosima smiles. “If you like private practice, why are you going into research.”

“Because I want to do more. I want to look at bilingual and multilingual households. I want to see if there’s a way to do this job without having to tell parents - drop to one language only. And sometimes, sometimes I think you have to. But...maybe not always.”

“Catering to polyglots?”

“It is an excellent word.” Delphine laughs, taking a bite of omelette. “I just want more… I didn’t plan on it at first. I figured, I had a good career and that would be enough. But I love research, I love academia… I don’t want to leave it. But I don’t want to stop helping people either.”

  
“Which leaves you… working 50 hours a week?” Cosima offers. 

“Pre-pandemic, yes.” Delphine nods. “Workaholic. I know.”

“I guess things will always be pre-pandemic and post-pandemic.” Cosima finally says aloud. “Things aren’t going to be the same. It might actually end up being death of the handshake, for example.”

“Many companies moving to remote work, what can be done from home.”

“Yes, when they can.” Delphine agrees.

“Life may never be exactly the same. Even if or when they come up with a vaccine.”

  
“They probably will.” Delphine states decisively. “There's a lot of money going into it, and a lot of effort. But they take time.”

“Yeah. Until then, some form of restrictions.”

  
“At least we have our bubble.” Delphine smiles at her.

“Yeah. At least we have that.” Cosima agrees. It will likely be month, they both know this, they must. Plenty of time to learn new things.

“I have to work for a couple hours.” Delphine tells her finally, clearing both their plates.

  
“But you’ll be back?”

“After lunch, yes. I have some calls to make.”

“I’ll see you later.” Cosima calls after Delphine as she watches her leave. 

She wonders if she should Skype her own family, or friends, but sometimes it doesn’t really feel like she’s bridging any distance at all. Her parents are quarantining with friends of theirs in Vancouver. Her friends are mostly stuck in apartments not this nice or quarantining with their parents. Kiki chirps and paces around, rubbing against her leg.

“Well, at least you’re happy.” Cosima tells the cat. “At least I think you’re happy, though you look uncomfortable as hell. Like your nipples look huge. But I honestly don’t know much about cats. Your birthing box is in my closet by the way. Don’t forget it. I don’t want you having kittens on my bed. Or under my couch.”

  
Kiki meows in response.

“Ughh.” Cosima sighs at another knock at the door. “Delphine?”

“No. It’s not Delphine.” A somewhat familiar voice answers. She opens the the door and looks into the hallway. 

Her neighbour from 302 is standing in the hallway. In drag. Cosima lets herself take in the wig, the impeccable drag makeup and the large silver heels. The queen spins around. “This is how it’s done!” And with that, he turns and sashays back into his apartment. 

Cosima can only giggle, and close the door. Maybe she wasn’t the only one bored in quarantine. And definitely was not the only queer-identified person on the floor. No surprise there.

* * *

“I’m back.” Delphine calls, coming through the door with a large padded manilla envelope in her hand.

“What is that.” Cosima perks up at what looks like a package.

“I bought you something. Online, don’t worry. I just checked the mail.”

“What is it?”

Delphine produces a smallish box and waves it in the air.

“A tofu press?” Cosima sits up. “You bought a tofu press?”

“Well, you said it’s better if it’s pressed and you don’t have one so this way we won’t have to worry about the kettle falling over when we stack things on top of your cutting board.”

“Thank you. I mean it Delphine. This is really thoughtful.” Cosima takes the tofu press and looks at it. “It’s not a cheap one either.”

“It’s nothing. Just something to make our pandemic meals a little better.” Delphine smiles.

“What do you want to do with it? Like recipe wise?”

“I don’t know. Maybe press, marinate and grill? Or make something crispier?”

“I’ll do this one.” Cosima yawns. “It is definitely my turn.”   
  
“Alright. I think I like that.” Delphine stretches. “My morning was long. Too many meetings.”   
  
“Feeling like your brain might explode?”

“Possibly. Then what will you ever do for company?”

“I don’t know. Skype? Read my smutty books.” Cosima laughs. “Watch way too much Netflix and get baked almost daily?”

“What do you want to do now?” Delphine asks, settling herself down gracefully on Cosima’s sofa. “I’m done for the day. Or done enough.”

“Mmm. I don’t know. I guess I am just happy to be around you.” Cosima shrugs. Some of her ideas of how to pass the time are probably best kept to herself anyway. At least for now. Offering to get Delphine off a few times on the sofa is probably not the best seduction method.

“I think the cat is in labour.” Delphine comments, glancing over at Kiki. “She looks uncomfortable, she keeps chirping, and her belly is contracting.”

“Probably.” Cosima agrees nervously. She’d been ignoring Kiki’s increased nesting behaviour in hopes that the cat would just birth in the box unattended.

“You should probably tell your friend Scott. Or the rescue people. Or both.” Delphine says aloud. 

“Please stay.” Cosima asks. “I… I can’t be alone with a birthing cat. I mean what if something goes wrong?”   
  
“Then you call Scott and he takes her to the vet for an emergency cesarean. Like he told you.” Delphine answers calmly. “But cats are usually very self-sufficient. Even while birthing.”

“I need you here.” Cosima tries again, pleadingly.

“I will stay. We’ll get takeout and order dessert and watch Kiki.” Delphine soothes her with her words and a soft hand to her exposed arm. 

“You pick.” Cosima tells her. “You choose the food, I’ll… go take Kiki to her box.”

“Her box?” Delphine repeats, but following Cosima the same.

Cosima points at the propped door to her walk-in closet. A large cut open box sits inside, lined with a fleece blanket.

“Oh! For Kiki to birth in!”

“Yeah that’s my hope. I don’t want kittens being born in my bed. Which is Kiki’s preferred napping location.”

“Oh no… then where would you sleep?”

Cosima laughs. “Probably on my couch I guess.”

“Or with me.” Delphine offers. “My bed is big enough.”

“Delphine, are you inviting me to your bed?” Cosima practically leaps up in excitement.

  
“To sleep, Cosima. If Kiki births there.” The cat takes this moment to wander over to her box and continue her restless behaviour. 

“How long do cats labour for?” Cosima wonders aloud.

  
“I’ll look it up,’ Delphine offers, grabbing her phone. “You order us food.”   
  
“Done.” 

  
  


_ Day 37 _

“I think that’s all the kittens?” Cosima says hopefully. It was nearly three in the morning and an hour and a half had passed without any more kittens emerging from Kiki. Kiki, for her part, seemed very pleased with her babies and was intently cleaning and nursing them.

Delphine leans in, trying to palpate the cat’s abdomen around the five pink and blackish mewling jellybeans that will someday be fluffy kittens. “No more kittens.” Delphine sighs. “They’re all nursing too, they look ...good? Not that I know much about newborn cats.”

“Thank God.” Cosima giggles. “I was so anxious.”

“You were adorable. You just, you really cared.” Delphine smiles. 

Suddenly, Delphine is very close as they creep away from the nest Kiki has settled into in Cosima’s closet. Delphine leans in and kisses her softly, and her arms go immediately around her. Cosima cannot help but respond ardently, wanting. Her knees press into the carpet and she hauls Delphine in closer, inviting more.

“Why?” She asks when Delphine breaks the kiss.

“I just, I really wanted to and… I couldn’t justify not anymore.”

“Justify how?”

“You being a woman as reason enough to… to try to ignore this.” Delphine waves a hand between the two of them.

“You’re attracted to me.” Cosima grins. She had hoped so, she’d certainly wanted it. It wasn’t totally surprising, and yet, Delphine making the first move was a little shocking. 

“Yes. I am… very.” Delphine admits with a slight blush. “ And it feels like  _ more _ than that to me.”

Cosima cannot stop smiling back. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Delphine leans in for another soft kiss. It’s perfect, Cosima decides, the perfect first kiss. But she craves so much more. She cups Delphine’s cheek in her hand, works on kissing her as softly as possible. Trying to convey feelings she is nowhere near ready to verbalize. Trying to be inviting, non-threatening.

  
Delphine breaks the kiss with a tiny whimper and it sends heat rushing to her face.

“Do you… want to stay the night?” Cosima offers quickly. There’s an intrigued look on Delphine’s face. Definitely. But she sees the reluctance too. 

“Not tonight.” Delphine responds finally after some consideration. 

“Breakfast tomorrow?” She offers hopefully.

  
“I have an early Skype meeting. I should go... ” Delphine pushes herself up to her feet. 

“Delphine!” Cosima calls after the blonde. Unsure of what to make of her speedy exit.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetaed. And posted impulsively. I will try to correct minor errors as I find them.

_Day 37_

Cosima wakes late, and scuffles over to the box in her closet. Inside, Kiki purrs while her kittens suckle and squirm. She remembers it well, watching kittens emerge from Kiki one-by-one, clutching at Delphine’s hand. It was silly, and yet, it had moved Delphine. Delphine had kissed her. She closes her eyes for a moment, but all she can picture is the uncertain expression on Delphine’s face as she’d leapt to her feet and practically run from Cosima’s apartment.

“Looks like you’re all doing fine.” Cosima sighs. She leaves a small bowl of cat food just outside the closet. She presumes Kiki will be hungry but who knows.

  
She texts Scott quickly, snapping a quick picture of the cat family to send. She receives a ridiculous number of heart-eyes emojis in response. At least that much is done.

Cosima stretches and goes looking for breakfast. She’s eating a toasted waffle with one hand when her phone dings. Delphine seemed to know she was up. How do they move forward from this? Delphine had initiated which suggested to Cosima that things should progress fairly quickly. That… it should be fine to flirt and suggest experimenting. She reads the message finally, unable to wait a moment longer. 

  * _Really busy today. Too many meetings. TTYL_



  
“Seriously, Delphine?” Cosima hollers close to the wall, knowing that Delphine can likely hear her. So can whoever she’s talking to on Skype in all likelihood. Whatever it is, it cannot be that important.

A second ping. Cosima checks again.

  * _I am with a client. Please do not yell._



Cosima groans and begins drafting her response. She hopes it sounds non threatening enough. It definitely isn’t everything she wants to say.

  * _Come for lunch. I’ll use the tofu press. I will make it very worth your while._



Cosima finishes her waffle and starts cleaning up her kitchen. Disposing of the leftover takeout containers also makes her think of Delphine. Delphine who was so calm throughout the whole night. Delphine, who no matter how tired she was refused to leave. Delphine who got up to get her tea several times, who had rubbed gently at her back more than once. Delphine who had delighted at each tiny kitten and had done the reading up so Cosima could feel like someone was prepared. 

She checks her phone again, having received no response Cosima resolves to get some work done for a while. She shoots an email off to her advisors, and then sends a quarantined in Toronto update to her parents. Figuring that they might appreciate it.

When her phone rings she jumps up from half-heartedly reading, perched on one of her kitchen chairs.

“Hey Cosima.”

  
“Oh. Hi Scott.” Cosima grumbles. It wasn’t a surprise Scotty was calling. She should at least make an effort to sound less disappointed.

“So five kittens. Did you sex them yet?”

“What?” Cosima starts. What the hell was Scott talking about?

Scott sighs audibly. “Did you look at their tiny newborn cat genitals to tell me if they are male or female?”

“Umm no? I made sure they were nursing and breathing and let Kiki do her thing.” Cosima admits.

  
“Well, when you get a chance, please take a look. I’ll send you a reference comparison tool.” Scott offers.

  
“Wow… okay.” Cosima tilts her head, but no one is around to see it. “I guess I’ll do that soon?”

“It’s just for the rescue’s information.”

“Do you need to know now?”

  
“We’d like to.” Scott tells her honestly. “Then we will name them and they’ll have their own files. Medical records. Vaccinations. Sterilization…” 

“Right. I guess I’ll do that.”

“What’s going on with you anyway?” Scott laughs. “You’re way more distracted than usual.”

“It’s my new neighbour Delphine.” Cosima smiles despite herself. “I am absolutely crazy about her. It might be mutual but… she says she’s too old to experiment.”

“Well I guess you have your answer then.” Scott replies. “Just photograph each kitten for me. OK?”

“Yeah. Yeah will do. Talk later Scotty.”

“Bye Cosima.” Scott hangs up the phone leaving her feeling more alone than ever.

Cosima tries to busy herself with trying to sex the kittens. At least Kiki doesn’t seem to mind her picking up her tiny baby and craning to look at their rear ends. She thinks two females and three males, but snaps weird kitten butt pictures to send to Scott to make sure. 

She cleans up, and refills Kiki’s litter box with fresh pine pellets and then washes her hands, she has to see Delphine. It’s mid afternoon now. This is getting ridiculous.

Cosima creeps out into the hallway, wondering if the man in 302 will wander back around, in drag, or otherwise. She knocks insistently on Delphine’s door.

“Delphine it’s me.” Cosima calls softly. “I think we should talk.”

“I am busy.” Delphine’s voice calls through the door. “I am working, Cosima.”

“Dissertation or private clients?”

“Does it matter?” Delphine responds, still not opening the door.

“It matters to me.” Cosima decides. The dissertation can be interrupted. She can accept that if Delphine is doing assessments or follows ups on private practice clients she should not interrupt. But the dissertation? That can be done at any time.

“My dissertation.” Delphine answers softly. “Please.. Just let me have some time.”

“But…” Cosima swallows. She needs to be more considerate. Needs to try to be patient. “OK. I’ll be around tomorrow.” Cosima returns to her own apartment, figuring she should get whatever work done she can now. Tomorrow, tomorrow she’ll try again.

* * *

  
  


_Day 38_

She returns to Delphine’s door the following morning at 10am. She begins to knock insistently. Hoping that this time Delphine will open her damn door.

“Where have you been?” Cosima demands as soon as Delphine opens her door. You have avoided me for a day.

“I was working.”

“Bullshit.” Cosima tilts her head, her hands unable to remain still. This, this means too much to her already. This cannot go wrong. Her heart cannot take it.

“I’m sorry.” Delphine sits on a chair, a mug of tea clasped in her hands.

“What is the problem? You like me. I like you. We have shared research interests. We… we _really connect_. I know it’s not just me!” Cosima exclaims.

“I really really like you.” Delphine tells her softly. “I can’t help it.”

“Then don’t help it. What do you like about me?” Cosima tries to give Delphine a way to verbalize it. To set it all out there in front of them on the table. 

“Your mind…I _love_ your mind.” Delphine shakes her head delighted. “I…I have never connected with someone like this before. Emotionally too, it’s _all_ there.” Delphine laughs. “More than ever before.”

“Yeah?” Cosima feels suddenly hopeful. This is enough, surely. Enough to convince Delphine that this is worth a try. That the two of them could be so much more.

“If you were a man,” Delphine gives a devilish grin for a minute. “I wouldn’t be able to resist you.”

  
“Woah… you did not just say that.” Cosima cannot contain her offense. “That isn’t a compliment.”

Delphine’s brow furrows. “What do you mean?”  
  


“This mind? This mind you think you love? It lives in _this_ body.” Cosima puts a hand to her own chest. “And you need to accept that. It doesn’t mean you have to want to fuck me. But don’t say things like that. Just… let it go if that’s how you feel. And we’ll go back to being friends who don’t kiss.”  
  


“I didn’t mean…” Delphine shakes her head. Seeming more than a little nervous. 

“Then what did you mean, Delphine?”

“That… you’re nearly irresistible.” Delphine offers, her voice softer now. “I just don’t know about the...physical side of things. I don’t know how. I am too old to experiment.”

“You kissed me.” Cosima spells it out.

“I know. I know I did.” Delphine nods. “I wanted to. Maybe because it was so late. Maybe staying up with you all night made me feel younger. Maybe, maybe it just made me feel closer to you.”

“Then take me. You can have me, like this.” Cosima shakes her head. “Come to bed with me, and let me show you. I _can_ give you what you want.” She keeps her tone soft, inviting. This… this isn’t a fight as much as it is seduction.

“I’m on my period.” Delphine admits finally. “We have to at least wait a few more days.”

“Seriously? That’s… that’s not a problem. At all.” Cosima lays it out. “We’ll throw down a towel, do it on my bed. Yours is...too nice.” And too new, Cosima adds to herself.

Delphine’s eyes widen. “But I’m bleeding!”

“So? I don’t care. ” Cosima doesn’t know how much detail she should get into on how much she doesn’t care. She doesn’t want to gross Delphine out, but she wants to make it clear. “I have been with women during their periods before, Delphine. It’s OK.” Admittedly, never during a first time, but why did that have to matter?

“If you were a man we wouldn’t have this problem. I’d just give you a blow job and you’d be happy.” Delphine throws up her hands, looking at her. It’s comical, even if it wasn’t intended that way.

“Umm ok.” Cosima laughs. “First off, you don’t _need_ to get me off. Second, would _you_ enjoy that? Like for you?”

“Not particularly. But I know how to do it.” Delphine admits, shrugging her shoulders.

“Learning is lifelong.” Cosima prompts, reminding them both of a previous conversation.

“Are you saying that I need to be more flexible? I understand sexuality is a spectrum. I acknowledge that people are often more sexually flexible than they’d state. But I’m 31, Cosima. I don’t have time to start all over with sex.”

“Why not? I’m saying it’s never too late to learn something new. I know you said you feel too old to experiment. So screw experimenting. So, how about a date instead?” Something a little more serious, Cosima theorizes. Something real. Something not just about sex.

Delphine’s eyebrows raise. “A date? Toronto is locked down.”

“So we order luxuriously expensive takeout, we dress for dinner, eat, maybe see a movie…” Cosima offers weaving Delphine into her fantasy.

“Alright.” Delphine agrees. “I’ll go on a date with you. Pandemic style.”

Cosima grins, “Great. Come to mine for 7 pm. Everything will be waiting.”

“You’re serious?”

“Of course I’m serious!” Cosima answers without hesitation. “I am going to romance you, Delphine Cormier.”

“I look forward to it.” Delphine smiles slowly. 

“Good. It’s more fun that way.” Cosima winks. And turns to leave.

  
“Cosima?”

“Yeah?”

“What should I wear?” 

“Whatever you want.” Cosima laughs, she has preparations to make.

* * *

She’s trying on different dresses, trying to strike the right balance between sexy and not pushing Delphine too far. When the click of her spare key in the door heralds Delphine’s arrival.

“Cosima?” Delphine calls into her apartment, heels clicking against the laminate flooring as she looks for her. 

Cosima freezes, maybe she should let Delphine get a peek. « In here! » She calls, still in her black slip. 

“Oh no. I’m early!” Delphine says from her doorway, eyes taking her in. 

“Nope. I’m late as per usual.” Cosima assures her, throwing another dress over her head and sliding into it. She quickly returns the rejects to the closet.

Delphine looks amazing in what looks like dress pants and a white sleeveless blouse.

“Wow you look amazing.” Cosima grins at the sight of Delphine.

Delphine smiles, taking her in. « You went to a lot of trouble. ». She looks around, taking in the pillar candles now lit, strewn on her shelves. The lights dimmed.

“Are you hungry?” Cosima asks. “Food is just sitting in the oven to keep warm. It arrived about ten minutes ago.”

“Yes.” Delphine smiles at her. 

“I ordered us Indian food from this awesome hole in the wall place. All vegetarian.” Cosima produces several aromatic dishes, followed by a large container of basmati rice.

“It smells delicious.” Delphine seats herself and leans in, beginning to serve herself in the flickering warm light.

“It does.” Cosima grins, digging in as well. “I thought it would be a good date night.”

“It’s amazing.” Delphine comments after trying an onion bhaji. “This is delicious.”  
  


“It is…” Cosima grins, helping herself. “I would take you there. It’s incredible. Great ambience. Unfortunately…”  
  
“Pandemic.” Delphine supplies, dipping naan bread in one of the dishes and bringing it to her mouth.

  
“So… we kissed.” She brings it up softly.

“We did.” Delphine nods. 

“I really… it was great. I wouldn’t mind more of it.” Cosima grins, reaching softly across the table to quickly squeeze one of Delphine’s hands.

“Tell me something about you. Anything.” Delphine prompts.

“Well, grew up on the west coast. Canadian mom, German-American immigrant dad. Sally and Gene. Smoked too much pot. Kissed a lot of girls.” Cosima pauses to tease Delphine, but her date doesn’t react. “Came to Toronto for my Master’s about… five years ago. And I’m still here. I love the city. I can’t imagine leaving it now. But… sometimes I miss home a bit. The weather for one thing.”  
  


“No snow there, right?”

“Not in Vancouver. Not really.” Cosima smirks. “Not much down the coast in the US either.”

“France isn’t like that. But I don’t really miss it.” Delphine admits.

“And you’ve been in Canada, three years?”

“About that, yet.” Delphine responds. “Siblings?”

“None. Only child. My parents are older. They were lucky they could have me older. I think my mom was 39 when she had me. That’s what they always said anyway. They’re wintering with friends in Vancouver but they have a houseboat. They’re both professors and way too into their research and each other. They’re probably the most in love people I know. I mean, like long term love. Not like, short term gotta have you now obsession-love.” 

“Obsedée.” Delphine gives her the French word. “Obsessed.”  
  


“Have you ever been totally obsessed with someone?”

“Non.” Delphine laughs, helping herself to more chana masala. “I am not the obsessed type.”

“Me neither. Well, other than my research.”

“That… that I could obsess on all day.’ Delphine laughs. “I mean with sex, I don’t know where you get obsessed. It… it doesn’t last that long. It feels good. But… obsessed? Non.”

  
“Do you have siblings?” 

  
“One younger brother, Sébastien.” Delphine responds honestly. “But...we have almost no relationship as adults. Parents are divorced, for… the last 20 years. I visit them when I am home, separately. Never in the same room.” 

Cosima nods, not wanting to pry that much into something that sounds painful. “Alright. What do you like best about Canada?”  
  


“Hmm tough question. Pass.” Delphine prompts her.

  
“Pass? You can’t pass!” Cosima teases her, hands drawing new patterns in the air, as if she could draw Delphine into her. “Fine. What do you miss most about France?”

“The food.” Delphine giggles. “Though, this meal is exceptional. You have spoiled me, ma chérie.”

“Good. Spoiling was one of my goals.” Cosima leans back in her chair. 

“What is your other goal?”

Cosima lowers her eyes for a moment, gazing at Delphine through her glasses. “I want to dance with you.”

“Here?”

“Turn on some music, dance. Maybe watch a movie.”

  
“What kind of movie?” Delphine asks.

  
Cosima considers her response. Her first instinct had been for something very queer. But maybe that wasn’t quite the right way to seduce Delphine. “I don’t know.”

“That’s alright.” Delphine clears away the takeout. Putting lids back onto the containers and loading them into the fridge. “You can dance with me.”

Cosima cannot contain her excitement as she draws Delphine into her arms, one hand going to Delphine’s waist. She flicks on her speaker, hoping that her phone auto connects. It does, playing a slow mellow beat. Nothing that will help her romance Delphine.

  
“A waltz?” Delphine looks at the position of her hands. 

“Hey, I just thought it was classier than holding your butt and swaying to music.” Cosima teases with a shrug. “We can dance however you like.”

She draws Delphine in, swaying to the music. Her eyes go to Delphine’s lips, so close that she could easily close the gap. Pull Delphine in. But Delphine has to do it, Cosima has realized. She can only wait, and encourage.

“You’re gorgeous.” Cosima says instead, enjoying the slight blush she sees appear on Delphine’s skin in the candlelight. 

“You’re very kind. Thank you.” Delphine goes for politeness. 

“I’m serious.” Cosima tries again, holding Delphine’s eyes, noting how they flicker down to her lips and back up again.

“I know…” Delphine breathes, leaning in just a little bit closer. Pulling at her shoulders to hold her closer, tighter against her body.

“Go on…” Cosima urges gently. Her hands rest against Delphine, but don’t demand. She makes no effort to close the gap. 

Delphine leans in a little closer. “Go on and what?”

“Just kiss me.” Cosima whispers. “You’re looking at my mouth, your pupils are dilated, you’re breathing faster.” 

Delphine laughs softly. “Are you trying to psychoanalyze me, Cosima?”

“Is it working?” Cosima asks before Delphine’s lips crash softly into her own. They kiss softly for a moment or two before she feels Delphine’s tongue try to gain entrance to her mouth. She pulls back.

Delphine looks at her through lidded eyes, clearly entranced by this.  
  
“Kiss me.” Cosima demands again, pulling Delphine back towards her couch. She lets their lips meet and cling, trying to be slow, be thorough in her exploration of Delphine’s lips. Lets her hands softly wander Delphine’s shoulders, through her hair. 

“Cosima…” Delphine moans her name softly, and she is unable to stop the rush of heat through her body at the sound. She whimpers and tries to guide Delphine down on top of her on the couch. She yields control of this encounter to Delphine, even as Delphine follows her lead, moving to sit and lean on top of her.

“Is this OK?” Cosima mumbles between kisses. She makes no movement to remove any clothing. Tries to remember what it was like when she was 19 and 20, with girls who were new to sex, or sex with women at any rate. Tries to be that for Delphine. 

“I… yes.. It’s… faster than I thought it would be.” Delphine admits breathlessly. Her fingers still tangled in dreads. 

“Hey. We can go slow. We don’t have to do anything tonight.” Cosima stops, cupping Delphine’s face in one hand. It doesn’t have to be tonight. Cosima decides. She can wait a few days at any rate. Maybe longer if need be. Her feelings for Delphine won't go away. And it might heighten the experience for both of them to put it off.

“What if it’s only ever once?´” Delphine asks softly between their kisses. 

“Then it’ll be the night I made love to you.” Cosima whispers softly. 

“You want to make love to me?” Delphine strokes at her dreads, meeting her eyes. The words seem to touch her, they soften Delphine.

  
“Yes.” Cosima leans in to kiss her again, letting Delphine’s tongue enter her mouth this time, let it touch and tease her own. It lights a fire in her blood, sends heat directly to her core. And it’s enough. More than enough to kiss Delphine senseless on the couch. At least for now.


	6. Chapter 6

_ Day 39 _

Cosima wakes to the click of the lock and soft footsteps on the ground, stretching slightly she chooses to ignore it. She is simply too comfortable, and tired, to be bothered. Delphine had been over for hours, before gently extricating herself from her arms and going home to bed. She cannot remember the last time she’d just made out with someone for hours. Cosima had forgotten how it felt. Forgotten how much tension her body could build from something simple.

“Are you awake?” Delphine’s voice calls from somewhere near her doorway.

  
“Delphine?” Cosima blinks blearily. How long had she 

slept? Not that long, Cosima thinks looking at the light shining around her curtains.

“I let myself in.” Delphine speaks softly. “I wanted to see the kittens. I realized I forgot to visit them last night.”

“It’s… like 7am.” Cosima pulls the comforter tightly around her.

“It’s 8:30am.” Delphine corrects her. “Are you...decent under there?” She can tell Delphine is eyeing her. Trying to decide if it is too much.

“Umm not really.” Cosima admits. She thinks she’s still wearing underwear, but she’s not sure. She’d stripped down and collapsed into bed pretty shortly after Delphine had gone home.

“I’ll… wait in the living room.” Delphine tells her, stepping out of the bedroom again. 

Cosima gets up and throws on her silk robe, just enough coverage. She decides. But easy enough to remove if Delphine changes her mind. 

“Come on back.” Might as well let her get a glimpse, Cosima figures. 

“Just that…” Delphine’s eyes widen as she takes her in. She cannot help but smile at the reaction. This is what Cosima longs to see. Delphine looking at her, cheeks flushing and slightly off balance.

“I’m covered.” Cosima shrugs. “All the essentials.”

“I guess so.” Delphine responds, creeping towards the closet. She first admires the kittens, once again nursing from their amazingly patient mother. 

“Hi Kiki.” Cosima calls to the cat and moves to bring the cat fresh food and water, might as well make it easy on her. Kiki for her part, purrs almost unceasingly and seems perfectly content to be trapped.

When she returns, Delphine is crouched next to the felines, muttering to them softly while stroking their tiny little heads.

“Ils sont trop mignons.” Delphine grins at her when she approaches. “Their eyes aren’t even open yet, and they are adorable.”

“They are very cute… do you want pancakes?” Cosima offers, moving to sit next to Delphine, letting the robe fall open just a little.

“I already ate.” Delphine tells her. “I was up 40 minutes ago.”

  
“So, do you want to talk about last night?” Cosima leans in, scratching Kiki absentmindedly behind the ears. Maybe having a cute cat family temporarily residing in her closet wasn’t so bad at all.

“Our date?” Delphine smiles dopily at her, not the cats. The thought pleases Cosima.

“Yeah.”

“Excellent food. Wonderful company.” Delphine grins back at her.

“Good… and the rest of it?” Cosima hints. They’d never even made it to picking a movie. Maybe it was a bit embarrassing. Fancy takeout dinner and making out on the couch.

“The kissing?” Delphine responds with a slow smile.

  
“Yes, the kissing.” It really had just been kissing, Cosima acknowledges. Despite her suggestions of making love, neither of them had pushed past that. Any arousal she felt, she’d acknowledged and let it sit. She was perfectly capable of taking care of her own needs after Delphine had left. Not that she wanted to draw attention to that.

“It was… good.” Delphine giggles.

  
“And… did it turn you on?” Cosima thinks she knows the answer. But maybe hearing Delphine say it would help somehow.

“...Yes.” Delphine gives her the desired response. 

  
Cosima cannot resist leaning in for a soft kiss, Delphine returns the kiss easily, the tiny felines forgotten momentarily. She’s delighting in Delphine’s lips, Delphine’s tongue when she feels a hand slip a few inches under her robe near her collarbone. Fingers stroke tentatively at her skin, and then again. It thrills for a minute but better to check in.

“What is it?” Delphine asks surprised, pulling her hand back. “Is something wrong?”

“Do you want to do more? Do you want me to take my robe off?” Cosima gestures to the tie. She tilts her head, looking intently at Delphine. Wondering what the response would be.

Delphine shakes her head. “Cosima, I am still bleeding.”

“I told you, I don’t care.” Cosima shrugs again, her hands vying for Delphine’s attention with their movements. “I… I am not trying to push you.” Cosima clarifies. “You don’t have to.”

“I know. But… you’re sitting there offering to expose yourself to me.” Delphine sighs. “Like, you’re showing off the menu.”

“Umm kind of?” Cosima acknowledges. “I mean.. It’s more like, so are you into this?”

“But why? Why not let things continue as they are?” Delphine wonders aloud. “I...I thought things were going well, for both of us.”   
  


“You put your hand under my robe.” Cosima shrugs at her. “I am just...inviting it.”

“I didn’t mean to.” Delphine tells her quickly. Rushing to get the words out.

“You can touch me.” Cosima assures her. “I  _ like _ being touched.”   
  


Delphine flushes further.

“Look at me.” Cosima demands. “Last night your hands were tensing on my back, gripping at the back of my neck, at my hair.”   
  


Delphine swallows, looking her over. “I know.”   
  


“It’s OK to touch me.” Cosima tells her again. “There’s no reason to be afraid.”

“I am not afraid!” Delphine gestures at her. “But you have breasts! It’s different.”   
  


“Yes, yes I do.” Cosima shifts again. “Which I like having touched. FYI.” She adds in a teasing tone. Knowing that this game is over for now. Knowing that Delphine definitely isn’t ready.

“Merde.” Delphine shakes her head. “What am I going to do with you?”

“We’ll start with breakfast.” Cosima sighs, ensuring her robe is tightly fastened before moving to her kitchen. “I am starving.”

“Alright. Breakfast it is.” Delphine agrees.    
  


_ Day 40 _

“Let’s watch a movie.” Cosima invites after dinner. She’d managed to make things pretty fucking awkward after offering to remove her robe. Delphine had gone back to  _ not  _ kissing her, which definitely wasn’t what she wanted.

  
“Alright.” Delphine nods, moving to the couch. Cosima moves to perch beside her on the couch, one knee up. She doesn’t move into Delphine’s space, merely picks up the remote and starts looking to find them something to watch. Preferably something a little gay. But not too gay.

“Is this one OK?” Cosima offers the film, not wanting to push it. She’d read enough about this movie that she knows it’s supposed to be well shot, though the subject matter might leave Delphine with ideas she does not want her to get. 

  
“Professor Marston and the Wonder Women?” Delphine reads the synopsis before shrugging. “Why not.”   
  


“OK.”

  
It’s easy, easy to cuddle Delphine on her couch. Easy to enjoy how their bodies fit into each other, how Delphine already likes to grip her hand and play with her fingers. 

“This is somewhat… homoerotic.” Delphine realizes, partway through the film. But she doesn’t ask to change it, and doesn't move away from Cosima. 

“Yeah. But there is a dude there… it’s a lot more queer or polyamorous than it is gay.” Cosima speaks softly, not wanting to talk over the movie.

“Actually this is very well shot.” Delphine remarks partway through a heated scene. “They could have made this much more… explicit. Instead, it focuses on the characters’ experiences.”

  
“Yeah. Yeah… it’s very well done.” Cosima agrees. “Bet it was directed by a woman. A man would have fucked this up and made it look like porn.”

Delphine merely laughs, leaning back into her couch.

The movie finishes, she offers to get Delphine a drink and pours them both a glass of wine. 

“Wine?” Cosima offers a glass. She wonders if she should heat up some veggie spring rolls or something. Some kind of snack to make inebriation less of a possibility. She doesn’t want to fuck Delphine if she’s drunk. 

“Yes.” Delphine takes the glass readily, taking a long swig. “It’s good.”

“Thoughts on the movie?”

  
“It was… different. Well done though.” Delphine comments.    
  


“Yeah. Absolutely.” Cosima sighs. “I mean… I am not personally into the whole threesome thing but… it works for some people I guess.”

“I cannot imagine.” Delphine begins to giggle. “Way too many limbs.”

“Yeah, and uncoordinated and trying not to fall out of too small bed.” Cosima giggles. “Plus the barriers and the consent… and it’s just… not worth the time. So much hassle for a  _ lot _ of awkward.” 

“Cosima…” Delphine looks at her suddenly, comprehension dawning on her. “Have you had a threesome?”

“Umm yes. Once.” Cosima nods, laughing, taking another swig of wine. “Like… seven years ago.”    
  
“Was it a relationship or just…?”

“Umm I had a friends with benefits thing going on with the girl. And the guy…. Well he was just… her other friend with benefits?” Cosima shrugs it out. “And we were all kind of baked. And there was alcohol involved...”

“With a man?” Delphine’s eyes widen. “I thought you were a lesbian.”

  
“No, I am a lesbian. Definitely. And yeah but… like…” Cosima’s fingers twirl absently in the air. “He...he didn’t  _ penetrate  _ me.” She wonders if that really matters in the scheme of things. It had mattered to her inebriated 21 year old self, for whatever reason. 

“So… what? Nevermind.” Delphine shakes her head, cutting herself off. “I… I don’t think I want to be able to picture it.” 

“It was just sex. Particularly awkward sex. Then it was over, and I got up, had some water, put my clothes on and left.” Cosima tells her honestly. “It was a one time thing.”   
  


“OK.” Delphine accepts it readily enough. “How many lovers have you had?”

Cosima deadpans. “More than three and less than 30.” She doesn’t need to answer that. Won’t answer that. Doesn’t want Delphine to know really, or get caught up on it. Not when it should not matter.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” Delphine has the sense to apologize at least.

“Do you want to tell me how many lovers you’ve had?” Cosima tilts her head, probing Delphine. “Like, is it really that important to you?”

“Non. Not really. Just… you're very experienced, clearly.” Delphine lets her words fall off.

“How many Delphine?” Cosima probes again. She doesn’t really care to know, but it’s only fair. 

“Five.” Delphine responds softly. “Just five.”

“See? Awkward. Better not to ask those questions.” Cosima nods along with her own words. Knowing that she’s thoroughly proved her point, Cosima relaxes, sinking back into the dark red fabric.

“Have you been with a straight girl before?” Delphine tries another question.

“Uhh yes.” Cosima nods. “Though I am fairly certain they weren’t all  _ exactly _ straight. Some ended up back that way though. Bicurious? Bisexual? Maybe.”

“Was it hard for you?”

“Emotionally? Sometimes. Physically? Nope.” Cosima grins. “Sex is easy. Like, it’s way easier than dealing with emotions or expectations. It’s just… bodies, you know? Well, most of the time.”

Delphine is silent for what feels like a small eternity before responding. “I think I understand what you mean.” 

“Good.” Cosima looks at Delphine. She knows now, it won’t be that simple with Delphine. She wants her too much. Feels too much even just looking at her. 

Delphine takes another long sip of wine, nearly emptying her glass. She bites her lip before continuing. “Do you want me tonight?”

“Umm, yes.” Cosima responds readily. This...this is better than she was expecting. She takes a drink from her own glass, enjoying this. This was not the seduction she’d been expecting. But after all, they were both grown. There was no reason not to.

“I’ve been reading your smutty book. I… I borrowed it a day ago, without asking.” Delphine admits softly.

“You have?” Cosima chuckles. “Well, what do you think?” That is something she wants to picture. Delphine, reading those words. Delphine flushed at the thought of the two of them taking the place of the characters. Delphine  _ wanting _ her.    
  
“Do you want me to do those things to you?” Delphine offers instead of answering her question. 

Cosima falls silent, considering. “I think I want a second date.” She decides finally. If she rushes this, she could completely ruin it. It… it’s not the right time.

“Wasn’t tonight our second date?” Delphine laughs, as if this were obvious.

“Fine!” Cosima agrees. “Then I want a third.”

“When you could have what you want now?” Delphine’s brow furrows. “Another glass or two of wine… and we could just...let it happen.”

“I want better than that for you.” Cosima swallows. “I want you sober. I want you… wanting me. No hesitation. No doubt.” She also doesn't want to do it while Delphine is still likely trying not to picture her having a threesome.  


Delphine bites her lip again. “What if I can’t? Not like that?”

“Then we wait.” Cosima tells her readily. She has never been good at delaying gratification, never really wanted to try to stifle her impulses. But something tells her, this is the best choice she can make. 


	7. Chapter 7

_ Day 41 _

“Let’s take a walk,” Cosima announces in the middle of the day. They’re barely picking at their lunch of leftovers on her small round table. Delphine supposedly doesn’t have much to do today anyway and Cosima is content to procrastinate. Especially when that procrastination involves Delphine.

“Where can we actually go?” Delphine laughs at her. But she follows Cosima and gets to her feet, moves to retrieve her shoes from next to the doorway.

“Let’s just walk.” Cosima grabs her trench coat, slipping into her shoes. She waits in the hallways for Delphine to do the same. Delphine joins her and they move to call the elevator.    
  
It’s easy. So easy. Cosima looks over at Delphine, even under the fluorescent lights in the elevator the française is stunning. Her fixation with Delphine is getting worse if anything. Other words come to mind readily, but she doesn’t want to go there. Not unless she’s sure Delphine can love her back.

“So, where do you want to walk? We can go anywhere in the city. I have two masks in my purse if we want to take the subway somewhere else?”

“I don’t know Toronto well.” Delphine admits, “I was working remotely from Montréal before January.”

“It’s a great city.” Cosima stretches. It’s cold for April but she’s enjoying the chance to get out.

“It is. Though I only knew the area near U of T. I didn’t wander off much.”

“If we could, I’d show you all my favourite places. Coffee shops. Restaurants. Bars. Clubs. Bookstores.” Cosima pictures it, meeting Delphine in more normal times. Being able to take her out on dates, being able to have a normal courtship. 

“Clubs?”

Cosima nods enthusiastically, hands still spinning. “Oh yeah. Few drinks with friends, dancing. I still partake. Or I go kind of high.”

Delphine laughs. “I have not been clubbing since my undergraduate days. It was OK, I guess.”

“What about with me?” Cosima offers, leaning into her space. “I could definitely show you a good time.”   
  
“A double-entendre?” Delphine raises one eyebrow. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” She flirts instead of answering and Delphine softly takes her hand. 

“Take me somewhere. Anywhere.” 

  
Cosima laughs and leads Delphine off on an adventure. What little they can have during Covid19 anyway.

* * *

Hand in hand they make their way back, tea in paper cups and the remnants of a rather delicious muffin in a paper bag.

“Worth it?”

  
“Definitely.” Delphine agrees, sighing contentedly. “I needed to leave the apartment.”

“Me too. Totally.” Cosima nods.

They take the stairs back up, for extra exercise, and Cosima happily pulls Delphine who lets her lead her by the hand back to the apartment.

“What are we doing now?” 

  
“Dancing.” Cosima responds without hesitation.

“It’s still daylight.”

“Not that kind.”

She throws off her shoes when she enters the apartment, flicking on her bluetooth speaker and a song she knows she can show off to.

Cosima begins to dance, fluid movements from her feet up to her gracefully arcing arms. 

  
“Dance with me.” Cosima demands, looking pointedly at Delphine. Looking at Delphine watching her, especially as she turns and moves her hips.

“I like watching you.” Delphine tells her instead, settling herself down on the couch.

  
“Come on... Dance with me!” Cosima asks again, hands going to grip Delphine’s guiding her through similar movements. 

Delphine does, there is some gracefulness in her, unexpectedly with her long limbs and dancer’s body.

“Did you use to dance?”   
  


“Ballet when I was small, yes.” Delphine nods. “Nothing since adolescence.”

“Oooh.” Cosima teases.

  
“I was never as good as you are… I don’t even know what…”

“Modern dance?” Cosima suggests readily. “I don’t know either but it feels good.” 

“It does,” Delphine agrees, letting Cosima pull her in for a quick kiss, just tender pressing of lips.

“I have a surprise for you.”

“What is it?”   
  


“You’ll see.” Cosima singsongs. “But you’ll have to wait until tomorrow.”

“À demain, then.” Delphine gathers her things to go. 

“À demain.” Cosima echoes. Maybe her French was improving at the very least.

* * *

_ Day 42 _

Almost ready, Cosima muses to herself. Almost, but not quite. She’d spent the morning with Delphine and promptly kicked her out around noon. She had to get ready. She had to get everything ready. Saturday or not. 

“Cosima?” Delphine knocks at the door, obeying the instructions to not enter unannounced.

Cosima smooths her hands over her dress, it’s dark red fabric slick under her fingers. She’s kept her makeup to her typical kohl-inspired look but she’s gone all out otherwise. Thigh highs. Heels. A home cooked meal she suspects Delphine will adore.

“It smells delicious from here.” Delphine calls through the door. “Can I come in yet?”

“Alright.” Cosima steps back and allows Delphine entry.

“What is that smell?” Delphine smiles, as she walks in, slim black heels clicking on the laminate floor. 

“Mushroom risotto.” Cosima responds with a ready smile. “I also made caesar salad. 100% homemade. Well, I followed recipes from the internet anyway. Sorry about the delay.” Dinner sits, already plated on her small round table, two half glasses of wine already poured for them. She’d debated the wine, but ultimately thought it was better to offer it. 

“ No… the other one.”

“Umm… incense?” She’d been smoking inside this morning, and needed to both ventilate the apartment and cover the smell. Her high had long worn off, but it had been blissful to just toke and not worry about what the hell was going on with Delphine for an hour. She’d sealed the cats off in the bedroom, and they didn’t seem to be any worse off. Luckily.

“It’s nice. Very you.” Delphine grins, all in black today, a blouse and dress pants that she probably wears to work.

“Is it too much?” Cosima takes her seat, picking up a fork. She hadn’t bothered with candles this time, but she’d dimmed the lights the same. Trying to recreate the magic of their first date. Trying to get them back on track. 

“Non, this looks amazing. Worth the day you made me wait.”

“I just… I wanted it to be perfect.” Cosima admits, unable to stop herself from admiring Delphine. “You look incredible.” But covered, Cosima acknowledges, sleeves as usual are down to Delphine’s wrists covering them, and even the blouse was high.

“I wasn’t sure what to wear honestly. You didn’t give me instructions. I went for this.”

Cosima smiles happily. “You’re gorgeous. In anything.”

“Are you trying to seduce me again?” Delphine teases.

“Very, very slowly.” Cosima agrees. “Do you like risotto?”

“Yes, very much.” Delphine excitedly digs into their supper. “C’est delicieux!” Delphine assures her with a quick smile.

“How was work?”

“It was long. I spent two and a half hours in a meeting with one of my advisors. He had a lot of opinions on my dissertation research.”

“In a good way?”

“In a he might take over some of my research way.” Delphine stabs a mushroom with a fork.

“Lousy.” Cosima cannot contain a grimace.

“I’m sick of trying to please him. I’m a professional. I’ve worked in private practice for years! In three different countries and two continents. In two languages.”

“You should tell him that. Call him out on his shit.” Cosima was never afraid of offending people, even those in power over her. She is surprised to see hesitance on Delphine’s face in response.

“He’s one of my advisors. He thinks me working in a second language means I need more...handling. He’s suggested I break quarantine and we have a private meeting at his house.” Delphine grimaces. “I do not believe he has been adequately social distancing.”

“Woah… he didn’t like make a pass at you?”

“He might have. I’ve been ignoring it.” Delphine admits between bites. “This salad is excellent.”

“Change advisors.” Cosima suggests readily. “You don’t have to deal with his shit. In or out of his office.”

“I can’t. It’s too late. My dissertation is already in progress. It looks good. I don’t want to start all over.”

“So stand your ground.” Cosima continues eating. “Call him on his bullshit. Tell him you know what you’re doing and you don’t need his handling.”

“I should. I did tell him we will be meeting remotely until the pandemic restrictions ease enough. I won’t be breaking quarantine for this.”

“So do it. Or I’ll email for you.” Cosima twists her fingers. “I’ll add in something about appreciating keeping your relationship entirely professional.”

“You can’t do that! He is tenured and well-respected. He has a TED Talk!” Delphine blurts out putting down her fork.

“So? If he’s being a creep does it matter how much he’s published?”

“I guess not.” Delphine takes a sip of her wine. “Anyway, how was your day?”

“Your friend emailed me back. It was good. I have no idea how to get access to case files or families though.”

“You’ll have to go back through Ethics.” Delphine reminds her.

“I know. My advisor doesn’t think I am going to get approval. But we’ll see.” Cosima shrugs.

“What if you worked with a speech language pathologist?” Delphine offers. “What if I sign my name to it?”

Cosima looks up from her dinner in surprise. “You’d do that?”

“Well, Ben would be better than me, he works with adults more often. But maybe I can get him to sign on too.”

“How close are you and Ben?” Cosima asks softly. She wonders. They certainly seemed to be on very good terms.

“We’re colleagues only. He’s been married as long as I have known him. He’s the father of three kids.” Delphine laughs at her. “We are not and have never been involved. But I trust his judgement, professionally. And I enjoy working with him.”

“Good.” Cosima cannot help how that answer brightens her. “I look forward to working with him then.”

“You should. He’s funny too.” Delphine laughs, enjoying her meal. Seeming lighter somehow.

“Do you want candles?”

“I don’t need them.” 

“More wine?” Cosima offers at the end of dinner, noting that Delphine had only drank half or so of what she’d poured her. “It’s… it’s Ontario VQA, you like it? I hope?”

“Oh no, it was lovely. Very smooth.” Delphine assures her. “I just… you said you wanted me sober.”

“Sober for sex.” Cosima clarifies. “Not like permanently.” She’s nicely buzzed herself, without overdoing it. The risotto is no doubt helping provide a needed barrier between her impulse control and total intoxication. The sort that would have her trying to straddle Delphine on the couch before dessert.

Delphine looks at her pointedly. “My period is over.”

“Oh?” Cosima’s eyebrows raise. She’d thought after their last conversation that they were waiting. Drawing things out. That was the smarter choice, she had thought. Date a little more. Wait until Delphine was more certain. 

“I want you.” Delphine tells her softly, determinedly. Delphine stands, and while she chews briefly on her lip her hands go to the buttons of her own shirt, she’s undone three before Cosima stops her.

“Hey, slowly, OK?” Cosima stops her hands, leaning in for a soft kiss. And yeah, the cheesecake in her fridge might go to waste, but this is better, right?

“OK.” Delphine agrees, kissing back, seemingly accepting Cosima’s slower pace. Her own arousal is quickly becoming obvious but at least Delphine seems into it?

“I want you like crazy.” Cosima finds herself muttering between kisses. “I’m going to be so gentle with you.”

“You don’t have to be.” Delphine reminds her, fingers exploring dreadlocks again.

“I  _ want _ to be. We’re not going to do anything you don’t want to do.” Cosima stops to assure her. This has to be about Delphine.

“OK.” Delphine leans in for another kiss, arms going around her. The kissing is easy, she pushes Delphine back against her couch cushions. Lets herself hover above her.

“Can I sit on your lap?” Cosima murmurs.

“Yes.”

Cosima lets her dress ride up as she straddles Delphine’s lap. She leans in for another kiss and another. Delphine’s hands stick to her shoulders, but she knows that her thighs are partially exposed, knows that she’s already feeling warm as she settles on Delphine’s lap.

Delphine lets out a tiny whimper, and then her tongue is slipping into Cosima’s mouth, stroking insistently.

“Fuck!” Cosima breathes, breaking the kiss as Delphine wanders her lips to her neck. Hands grip her more firmly now. Surely it’s not too fast. She hopes. If Delphine were anyone else Cosima is certain she’d be riding her fingers in minutes. 

She’s unbuttoning Delphine’s blouse between heated kisses when hands unexpectedly graze her waist. Delphine’s hands feeling the curve of her hip is more thrilling than she’d anticipated and she moans readily. She catches sight of a black lacy bra and wants to groan again at the thought, Delphine had dressed for her. Delphine had  _ planned _ to undress for her.

“You feel good.” Delphine tells her softly. Another perfect kiss from clinging lips follows.

“I want to be as deep inside you as fucking possible.” Cosima groans. She pulls off Delphine’s blouse and is moving to lift her own dress over her head when soft hands find her wrists, delaying her.

“Do you have a…” Delphine trails off.

“Are you asking for a dildo right now? Or a condom?” Cosima laughs. She knows she shouldn’t, knows she should try to contain her amusement but she can’t. Maybe she was very slightly buzzed after all.

“I was… isn’t that what...you do?” Delphine ignores the latter comment. Maybe for the best.

“Sometimes.” Cosima acknowledges. “I mean we  _ could _ order one. I threw out my drag one after your private show. It… it’s old and it’s definitely been in other people.” As much as she enjoys toys, this request worries Cosima instantly. Needing an accessory to please Delphine concerns her. Sure, her smutty book had plenty of toy scenes, but that wasn’t all there was.

“OK.” Delphine nods.

“But I don’t need one.” Cosima clarifies. “I can fuck you with my body… I need to know that you want me.”   
  
“I do.” Delphine assures her, pulling her in for another heated kiss. She tangled her fingers in dyed blonde curls, rocks her hips forward and groans when Delphine lets out another whimper. Delphine trembles at the firmer touch of her hands and it only excites her further.

Cosima is kissing down Delphine’s arm to her wrist when she notices faint scarring as Delphine quickly pulls her arms away. Rather unexpected scarring, one thin white scar vertically on each wrist. She feels Delphine tense under her. She tries to recall ever getting a clear view of Delphine’s wrists, but there were always sleeves, or jewelry as she recalls. Always obscured. Now she knows why.

  
“Hey, it’s alright. Everybody is allowed to have a past.” Cosima speaks softly. Not wanting to scare Delphine, or make her explain. This, Cosima acknowledges silently, could ruin things permanently if she’s not careful. It’s nothing she hasn’t run into before, but never like this. 

“You noticed.” Delphine breathes. She cannot help but worry that Delphine will just get up and run. Cosima wonders if there’s anything she could say to stop her.

“Yeah. We can talk about it later, or not.” Cosima shrugs. She moves her body back up to hover over Delphine’s. 

“Do you want to stop?” Delphine offers. “I know… I know this changes things sometimes.”

“No.” Cosima answers smoothly, pulling her back in for another kiss. Lets her own tongue dart out and play with Delphine’s. Delves in as much as she can. It makes her sad for a younger version of Delphine but she cannot let that overshadow the present. “I don’t want to stop.”

“You’re so beautiful.” Delphine tells her softly, unzipping her dress to her waist. Cosima stands and lets it fall off. She’s carefully chosen her undergarments as well, and she watches Delphine’s eyes drift down her body. 

“How are you feeling?” Cosima asks. “Do you want to move this to my bed?” Having Delphine on the couch is a fantasy that can wait.

Delphine nods, and follows her to her bed, laying down quickly. Cosima shucks off her bra, but leaves her panties on, and clambers back on top of Delphine. She busies herself kissing swells of breast above bra cups, and tempting Delphine with deep kisses. She lets her hands roam, knowing that Delphine’s arousal is increasing by the minute along with her own. She finally backs up, stretching as if to show off just a little. Trying to tempt Delphine’s hands into play a little more. 

“Je suis tellement excitée.” Delphine tells her, stroking her face. In response, Cosima moves to remove Delphine’s bra, Delphine’s underwear, tossing them off to the side. Delphine’s arousal is dripping from her, obvious. She takes off her glasses, and slips off her rings, putting them quickly onto her beside table. She wants this now. 

“Me too. Obvs.” Cosima grins, nuzzling Delphine for a moment before reclaiming her lips again. And it’s easy, and maybe Delphine is a bit hesitant, but none of this is entirely unfamiliar. Even if Delphine opts to play pillow princess the whole time. It’s worth it, Cosima decides.

Cosima is kissing down Delphine’s stomach eagerly, quickly approaching groomed light brown curls when she is promptly stopped. Her mouth is literally watering at the thought but she knows she can’t push Delphine. Not without ruining everything.

  
“Is something wrong?” Cosima asks, she doesn’t want to push too far the first time. She has to be gentle. More tender than most. Better than any man. 

“I don’t let men go down on me.” Delphine stops her with a hand covering herself.

“Umm why?” Cosima asks curiously. She assumes first that Delphine’s male partners had either been total pussies about eating out or had been totally lousy.

“I don’t want it. Use your hands.” Delphine reiterates without explanation.   
  
“Alright.” Cosima shifts up, letting her fingers play against Delphine instead, gliding in her copious arousal. She can accept that, for now anyway.

“Tellement excitée...” Delphine sighs again, more to herself than to Cosima.

“You’re so wet… so swollen.” Cosima responds. “I just want to make you come.”

Delphine yanks her back up to kiss and she moves with her readily, stroking before sliding one finger in, testing Delphine who seems to be enjoying herself at any rate.

“Like this?” Cosima offers, curling her finger gently. She quickly adds a second finger, begins stroking slowly into Delphine, watching to see what the blonde will react to most.

“Mmm.” Delphine hums. “It feels good.”

She’s managed to kiss her way down to Delphine’s breasts, begins sucking at one perfect nipple while she continues her movements. But something feels off when she looks into Delphine’s hazel eyes. Something not quite right.

“Like this?” Cosima asks as she pulls out gently and begins rubbing gently instead. She’s rewarded by more noises, by Delphine pushing into her. Delphine yanks her up to kiss, trying to keep their mouths pressed together as much as possible. A tongue tempts her own into play and strong hands grip her firmly, The scent of Delphine’s arousal gets stronger and she moans happily. She moves with her, rocks with her, wanting everything now. She should be able to coax Delphine into letting her.

“I want you in my mouth. Oh God, Delphine… please. I can smell you and it’s driving me crazy.” Cosima begs, wondering if her desire, her pleading will make any difference.

“Non…” Delphine shakes her head. “Just like this.”

Cosima continues the gentle glide of her fingers. Keeps kissing her, trying to please. It’s easy. So easy. It won’t take long, Cosima realizes from the desperate way Delphine is moving against her. If part of Delphine was still hesitant, it certainly wasn’t her body.

“Cosima…” Delphine moans her name softly, “Cosima.”

She applies a little more pressure and is rewarded by another perfect noise. “You’re so sexy.” Cosima sighs, enjoying learning Delphine’s body. How could she have convinced herself she could wait longer for this?

Cosima is surprised by the brief gush of fluid spraying from Delphine. It makes her pause for a moment, wondering if this is done already. She begins to laugh, breaking their kiss, a large smile on her face. Delphine looks up at her, eyes wide.

“Oh my god! You’re a squirter!” Cosima grins in delight. “You didn’t tell me! I’m not even inside you… like wow. ”

“Not again. I’m so sorry.” But Delphine doesn’t look nearly relaxed enough to have just had an orgasm, Cosima decides. Clearly they weren’t done yet. 

“Sorry? No. Give it to me Delphine. I want it.” Cosima urges, moving to enter Delphine once again. “It’s so hot!”

“Even if I ruin your bed? Or spray you? You won’t want it then.” Delphine shakes her head.

Cosima leans in, letting her fingers push and twist, trying to find whatever will bring Delphine the most enjoyment. “Please, please do… I want it. I want your pleasure. You can come all over me.”

Delphine sighs. “It’s so messy.”

“Hey, everything is washable, OK? Including me.” She stops, attempting tenderness. She kisses Delphine softly. She works Delphine more firmly, but becomes quickly aware that this is not working. A distinctly not-sexy tension in Delphine’s body is inhibiting any pleasure.

“Can we stop? For a minute or two?” Delphine asks, pulling back and disengaging her body from Cosima’s hand. She watches Delphine move herself out of the wet spot. Cosima panics briefly, this is not going the way she’d planned.

“But you didn’t come yet.” Cosima looks at Delphine, feeling sheepish and disappointed. She lays down on her side facing Delphine, wanting to stay as close as possible. Can she get Delphine back to where she was before? Should she try?

“No. I didn’t.” Delphine confirms. 

“I’m sorry. I thought this would be better for you.” 

“It’s me. I don't want to disappoint you, Cosima.” Delphine tries to reassure her. “Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” She had been too cocky, too sure of her prowess and now she’s just a disappointment. Even if only briefly. Cosima knows she has no intentions of actually stopping. Her plan of making love for hours wasn’t going anywhere.

“Non. You were fine.” Delphine’s kissing her, trying her best to reassure but it’s not enough. How could she believe that right now? 

“Do you want to try something different?” Cosima suggests, trying to be as seductive as possible. 

“Like what?” Delphine looks at her quizzically.

“Like my mouth.” Cosima offers as a last ditch attempt at getting Delphine to let her perform oral sex. Maybe she could get Delphine off that way. Maybe it’d be gentle enough to work through the sensitivity. Maybe if Delphine didn’t have to watch herself ejaculate it would be easier somehow? Or maybe it wouldn't happen that way? It doesn't matter, Cosima decides. She just needs this to be better than this.

“I told you that I don’t let men do that.” Delphine pushes herself up on the bed.

“I’m not a man.” Cosima argues softly. “Do you want to try that way? See if I can get you there? Or we could try my hand again? You can ask me for what you want, you know.”

“I just wanted to make love with you. And… we did.” Delphine tells her, arms wrapping back around her again. The words remind Cosima of before, how they softened Delphine in her arms.

“This is  _ how _ I make love, Delphine. I want to make love to you with my mouth. I want you to let me.” Cosima tries again. 

Delphine shakes her head. “We just did. What about you?” 

“We did, and I enjoyed every second of it.” Cosima drops her voice to a low groan. “I want more of you. Please.”

“OK. You can try it.” Delphine agrees finally. And she works her way down slowly this time, trying to be a bit of a tease. Knowing she needs to keep on seducing.

She brushes her mouth over a soft tuft of hair, stroking her hands up over Delphine’s body. She lets her tongue flick out, gathering arousal to taste. The first taste delights her, but it’s not enough. She lets herself explore, she sucks softly and then stiffens her tongue sliding it into Delphine who shakes underneath her.

“Is this OK?” Cosima breaks contact to ask. “Does it feel good?”

Delphine nods, seemingly enjoying the sensations anyway. Tiny moans emerge from perfect lips as Cosima continues to lick and suck, flicking her tongue and watching Delphine fight not to respond.

“Have you done this before?” Cosima asks, but she doesn’t get an answer, only a soft hand stroking her face as Delphine watches her curiously.

“This is how I make love, Delphine.” Cosima groans again, kissing soft thighs. Letting her mouth inch its way back towards Delphine’s sex.

She returns to her task, feeling hotter by the minute, she sneaks one hand down between her hips and the mattress, knowing she wants to come too. Come while she’s doing this. 

“You’re so delicious. So beautiful. I cannot get enough.” Cosima moans, and returns to humming and licking as she enthusiastically eats Delphine out.

“You… you’re touching....” Delphine has figured out what she’s doing, but she doesn’t seem to mind, just makes more small noises, rocking her hips. 

“Mmmhmmm.” Cosima hums, refusing to break contact, needing this too badly. Her fingers quickly stroke her own clit, knowing she’s so close to the edge she’ll go over in minutes.

She comes quickly and taking only a moment, returns her mouth to insistent soft flicking. The tension she feels coming from Delphine now is more what she expected. Aroused. Desperate. On edge. 

Finally, Delphine tightens, head tilting back, hips moving. Cosima hums happily, redoubling her gentle sucking and flicking.

There’s a small noise of surprise followed by whimpering. Her mouth is flooded, but she keeps working her. Tongue and lips to perfect swollen flesh. Delphine cries, sobbing as her orgasm finally overtakes her. She watches her new lover shake on her back. Relief floods Cosima, she  _ can _ please her.

“Wow.” Cosima murmurs, breaking contact only to lick at a now too-sensitive Delphine.

“Cosima.” Delphine is breathless, tears running down her beautiful face.

Cosima wipes off her face, settling down to hold Delphine. “You’re amazing. That was amazing.”

“You... you really wanted that.” Delphine looks at her in wonderment. 

“I did. I love it.” Cosima smiles. She’s likely convinced Delphine that cunnilingus is a must. Feeling rather satisfied she leans in for a kiss only for Delphine to hesitate to bridge the gap between their lips.

“I’m… exhausted.” Delphine giggles. “You wore me out.” Delphine moves over, out of the wet spot she’ll deal with later. First, there is another thing she needs to do. 

“Good.” Cosima cuddles in close, gripping Delphine she begins to kiss her neck, gently stroking her hair.

“Again?” Delphine looks at her in surprise when she’s started slowly flicking a nipple with her tongue.

“Yes….” Cosima moans, positioning herself on top of Delphine again. She enters Delphine haltingly with the same two fingers, still slick from her own body. She begins to move gently but firmly, intent on pushing Delphine over the edge again. Delphine’s hands find purchase on her back as she begins to move again.

“Mon dieu…” Delphine exhales in a whine. But she kisses Cosima back, moves under her the way she’d expect. Surely this wasn’t too much too soon.

  
“ _ This _ is how I make love, Delphine.” Cosima murmurs once again, taking her again. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not betaed (sorry folks).

“The sheets need changing.” Cosima looks over from her position spooning a breathless Delphine. All considered, sex with Delphine had gone very very well. Cosima cannot help herself, she’s smiling like a lovesick idiot into Delphine’s neck.

“I told you it was messy.” Delphine teases.

“Yeah. Well as I said - everything is washable.”  
  


“Can I clean up in your bathroom?” Delphine asks, pushing herself up to her feet and creeping from her arms.

“Of course. Extra towels are on the shelf. I’ll change the sheets.” Cosima offers. That much she can do, she hears the sink running. Then the shower turns on for a minute or two. She briefly fantasizes about getting in with Delphine but decides she’d better strip the bed. Her mattress cover seems to have taken the worst of it. And while she doesn’t have a spare, it should still be fine. As long as she and Delphine just cuddle and sleep. 

She balls up a large pile of sheets near the bathroom door and checks on the kittens in the walk-in closet. Kiki is once again under her babies looking rather stuck and helpless. The cat is purring at any rate, supposedly at least mildly content while trapped under hungry babies.

“Yeah. I guess that’s parenthood even for cats.” Cosima talks to the feline before fetching her spare sheets from the top shelf. She redresses the bed, leaving the sheets pulled down and grabs her spare quilt and blanket. Her duvet will need to be washed as well.

“Do you want cheesecake?” Cosima offers, calling through the bathroom door. “I can get us some from the fridge?”

“I am kind of… hungry.” Delphine admits. Before emerging, wrapped in her spare towel. The rich dark red colour makes Delphine look even paler than usual. She watches the blonde settle on the couch, still naked beneath the towel. Cosima just smiles and heads towards the fridge before bringing Delphine a plate with a slice of blueberry cheesecake and two forks. She hasn’t moved to remove her underwear. They’re damp from both her own arousal, and from Delphine. She’s still not sure if she should remove them without Delphine asking, or pulling on them. So she keeps them on. 

“Here. It should help.” Cosima grins. “I guess we worked up the appetite for dessert after all.”

  
Delphine laughs, looking at her. “We did.”

“So what did you think?” Cosima asks, needing to put it all out there.

“It was… different. But enjoyable.” Delphine tells her as she slides her fork into the confection.

“What does that mean?” Cosima’s brow furrows. That was not the ringing endorsement of a new lady lover.

“Did you ever see that video of people having sex inside an MRI scanner?” Delphine asks instead of responding.

Cosima finds herself taken aback. “Umm. Yeah I think so?” She recalls seeing it somewhere during her undergraduate degree. It wasn’t something she spent a lot of time thinking about.

Delphine continues. “After I saw it… every time I had sex all I could think of were my pelvic organs repeatedly being shoved up and out of the way while a man was thrusting into me.”

“Wow…” Cosima is unsure if there is anything else to say to that. “That’s not exactly a sexy thought.” She decides then and there, there is no way Delphine is straight. No way.

“No. It wasn’t. But I wasn’t thinking about that with you.” Delphine gently grips her free hand.

Unsure of how to respond Cosima takes several large quiet bites of cheesecake.

“And you were so gentle, even when you were… shoving your fingers into me.” Delphine laughs. And it’s beautiful but maybe a little awkward.

“Delphine, I really really enjoyed what happened tonight but if you didn’t then that’s OK too.” Cosima knows it’s only fair to offer Delphine an out. She just doesn’t want to.

“But I did!” Delphine protests, suddenly distressed. “You felt so good! You were wonderful!”

“I’m glad.” 

“Seriously, Cosima. Your body is so beautiful. I really really enjoyed making love with you.” Delphine’s hands swing up in gestures of her own.

“Touch me…” Cosima invites softly, wanting nothing more than Delphine’s hands all over her. She blushes and leans in to kiss Delphine, pressing one of the blonde’s pale hands into her bare breast. Delphine kisses her back and lets her hand press against soft flesh.

“I can taste myself.” Delphine whispers when she pulls back.

“Is that OK? I can go brush my teeth?”

“I’m OK with it.” Delphine decides after what feels like too much consideration.

Cosima summarizes it’s time for her to clean up too. Especially if she wants more kissing. “I’m going to clean myself up a bit before bed. Do you want to watch a movie or just sleep?”

“Sleep. You wore me out Cosima.”

“OK. So I’ll be right back.” Cosima promises on her way to the bathroom. 

She showers only enough to ensure Delphine won’t object to getting closer with her. Cosima rinses herself thoroughly, hoping Delphine wants to touch. Hoping Delphine wants to explore giving to her. 

She’s brushing her teeth when she sees a mostly dressed Delphine hovering in the doorway. She’s stunned for a moment, she’d been so certain things were going well. That she’d get to at least cuddle Delphine to sleep and wake to her in the morning.

“Where are you going?”Cosima asks, trying to sound as calm as possible.

“Home. Goodnight Cosima.” Delphine tells her as she’s pulling her pants back on. 

“But… why? Did I miss something?” Cosima quickly grabs her silk robe and slips it on over her body. “Delphine, you can stay…”

She’s calling after the blonde hopelessly. Delphine’s water glass sits on the counter, their dishes haven’t even made it to the sink. What made Delphine just up and leave? What had she done wrong?

She collapses confused on her couch. She’d thought her intentions were obvious. Thought that Delphine would have at least wanted to cuddle up in her bed.

Cosima considers her options and opts to feed the cat and debates going to smoke a joint on her balcony. Chasing after Delphine would look way too desperate. She doesn’t want to overwhelm her. But what if she’s high when Delphine comes back? 

Then again, is not going after Delphine worse? Did Delphine really think she wanted some kind of one-night stand? 

* * *

  
  


_Day 43_

Cosima tosses and turns. She knows it’s not yet three am but this is getting ridiculous. She dresses quickly in loose fitting clothing and heads out of her apartment and down the hall in her slippers.

“Delphine!” She calls loudly as she bangs on her apartment door. She texts Delphine quickly and then shoves her phone back into the pocket of her harem pants.

Delphine answers the door in what looks like nothing but an oversized t-shirt.

“You can’t sleep either.”

“You woke me up.” Delphine tells her, letting her in.

“I know. I would apologize but I’m not really sorry.” Cosima reaches for Delphine’s bare arms, trying to bring back some kind of intimacy.

”Why?”

Cosima tries to remain calm even as she pleads with Delphine. “Because you left. I wanted you to sleep with me. I wanted you to stay.”

“Come lay down in my bed.” Delphine invites, leading her to a pristine floor bed. White duvet. White sheets. It looks like something out of a magazine.

Cosima crawls in next to Delphine not bothering to remove any clothing. She reaches out to hold Delphine, scooting in to spoon her, to lay soft kisses on her neck. “Why did you leave?”

“You told me that is what you do. Drink of water. Get dressed and leave. I’ve done it too.”

“After a threesome or like casual sex or a one night stand maybe… Not after making love with my... ” Cosima hesitates. "My friend.”

“Your friend?” Delphine rolls over to look at her. Maybe not the best choice of words after all. What else could she say? Her...girlfriend? Her lover? The woman she’s currently dating and trying to hold off on falling head over heels for?

“Do you think it’s like a situational sexuality thing? I mean. I’m kinda your only option right now.” Cosima might as well rule that one out.

Delphine looks at her wide-eyed for a moment. “Cosima, before you I hadn’t had sex in three years.” Delphine admits finally.

“Three years!” Cosima yelps playfully. “Oh man, she _was_ desperate!”

“Stop teasing me.” Delphine suddenly looks incredibly vulnerable.  
  


“Oh god, no that’s totally OK. I’m like honoured that you broke your sexual fast with me.” Cosima finds herself smiling. Delphine had wanted her that much, enough to try with her after years without. This was promising. Encouraging even.

“Sexual fast?” Delphine laughs.

“Should I have gone with ‘ended your self-deprivation’? »

“No.” Delphine shakes her head. “Non. That wasn’t why.”

“Oh, so it was more a ‘the power of the pussy compels you!’ thing? I’m just that hot?” Cosima tries playfulness, laughing again. Delphine giggles a little. And it feels OK again at any rate. 

“See, not so bad.” Cosima pulls her in to hold against her skin.

“No… it was.. It was wonderful.” Delphine admits. “You felt wonderful. And this is too.”

  
“Best friends, with benefits?” Cosima suggests jokingly. “I could do with getting it on with you more often.”

“How can you say that? You’ve made love to me. At least twice in one night.” Delphine shakes her head. “We aren’t _just_ friends anymore.”

“Then what are we, Delphine?”

Delphine answers her with a soft kiss. Which is enough, for now.

* * *

“Delphine?” Cosima mumbles, reaching out for the française when she’s woken. But the tousled curly haired head she’d expected is nowhere to be seen.

“Do you want crêpes for breakfast?” Delphine’s voice calls from the next room. “Savoury or sweet?”

“Savory.” Cosima hollers back.

The food on her plate when she reaches the table puts any brunch she’s ever had to shame. The crepe is folded perfectly, stuffed with an egg, asparagus and what looks to be brie. 

“I wanted to make up for leaving last night.” Delphine explains, sitting down with her own similar breakfast moments later.

“It’s a good start.” Cosima agrees, digging in happily.

“I don’t want to build an expectation. I won’t always make you crêpes after sex. I’ve...I’ve made that mistake once before. My life is not a romance movie and I am not some love interest who will make you breakfast on demand.”

“So why do it at all if you don’t want to?”

“Because it’s you, Cosima. I _want_ to do these things for you.” Delphine tries emphasizing this, but who knows what she actually means.

“I can make breakfast too. Or whatever meal. Why before?” Cosima shrugs. It doesn’t matter what they eat for breakfast really. Or any other meal. 

“Honestly? Just to get him off me and out of my bed. Men wake up aroused in the morning.” Delphine grimaces. 

“Oooh.” Cosima makes a face. “What would you have done if I was trying to get on top of you this morning?”

“I don’t know? Thrown down a couple towels? Asked to have breakfast first?” Delphine gets up to turn on her kettle. “Do you want tea?”

“Yes!” Cosima perches happily on the chair. 

“So...what now?” Delphine asks.

“Well it’s Sunday morning. We don’t have anything to do… except maybe each other.”

“Cosima!” Delphine teases her but she’s smiling too. “Are we going to talk about my scars?”

“We don’t have to. They look really old.” Cosima adds after a moment. She certainly doesn’t want to push into something painful.

“I was fifteen.” Delphine tells her softly.

“In boarding school?”

“Yes, for a few years already at that point.” Delphine responds.

“Must be lonely. I’ve seen scars like that before, Delphine. And other less lethal ones too.” Cosima looks her in the eyes. "It doesn’t scare me or excite me." 

“It doesn’t bother you?”

“It does, but you were 15. It was a lifetime ago. You were still a kid. It’s OK to have a past.” Cosima reaches for Delphine’s hand, but stops when the gesture is not reciprocated.

Delphine regards her cautiously. “You know the statistic that most suicide attempt survivors attempt again.”

“Uhh I think I read that somewhere once. Was it more than once? ”

“Twice. Only twice. Both before I left boarding school.” Delphine looks at her cautiously. 

“OK. So that’s a good decade plus ago. I’m OK with it, if you are.” Cosima rationalizes it aloud. She’s dated former self-harmers before. It didn’t have to be a deal breaker. Plus from where she was sitting Delphine was successful, educated, everything she could want in the present. A few scars and a likely history of psychotherapy didn’t change that.

“You’re just going to overlook it.” Delphine summarizes. “Pretend it didn’t happen?”

“No. I acknowledge you have a past. It’s not our present.” Cosima corrects her. “And the crepes are delicious. But don’t worry. I won’t expect them each time we have sex.”

“I might be convinced to make you breakfast anyway. Even without sex.” Delphine admits softly. 

Cosima doesn’t bother mentioning that Delphine has been cooking for her for the better part of the last month. Crepes hadn’t happened before though.

“What were your relationships? Were they just, you know, ‘ _verbing the noun_ ’ or what?”

“Verbing the noun?” Delphine repeats cluelessly.

  
“Having sex.” Cosima supplies. “Giving blow jobs included.”

  
“But blow jobs are _not_ sex.” Delphine argues. “They’re not.”

“They are to me… need to up your tally?” Cosima tilts her head. “Because we totally can. Oral sex counts. With me. With men. With _anyone_.”

“Non. You don’t need to up the tally.” Delphine grumbles.

"So what were they like?" Cosima asks curiously. She needs to know this. This matters.

“They were dates, sex, and frustration.” Delphine supplies. “It… it never worked well for me. The sex was OK, of course. I had orgasms. But emotionally… it wasn’t what I thought it should be. And I thought it might just be movies and novels and I needed to live in reality. But they always fractured. Fairly quickly.”

“How quickly?”

“Within a year.” Delphine says. “Usually less. I didn’t want to cohabit. And that was usually near the end.”

“OK. I’ll take that risk.” Cosima decides, surely she can change Delphine’s mind?  
  



	9. Chapter 9

_Day_ _43_

“Does it feel that risky?” Delphine asks. But it doesn’t feel like Delphine is playing with her. It feels sincere. Like Delphine is assessing her too. And why shouldn’t she?

“No.” Cosima answers bluntly. Making love to Delphine had brought her a little bit more clarity. Delphine definitely enjoyed it, despite what Cosima could only assume were nerves. She’d  _ made sure _ Delphine had enjoyed it, made sure Delphine had climaxed multiple times. And she wants more. So much more.

“Good.” Delphine nods at her and moves to put away the dishes. Cosima approaches Delphine from behind, her intentions clear. When the blonde turns she leans in, but waits for Delphine to close the space between them. 

She cannot resist. When Delphine begins softly kissing her after breakfast, Cosima cannot stop herself from pushing further. She pulls Delphine up to her, gripping her arms tightly as she slowly begins to pull the blonde back towards the bedroom

“Cosima…” Delphine breathes her name in between clinging kisses, reaching for her. She leaves their dishes on the table, doesn’t care about morning breath or that later she’ll have to scrub the plates. She just wants Delphine again. 

“I want you…” Cosima moans, before leaning in to kiss her again.

“It’s still daylight.” Delphine giggles back at her between kisses. It doesn’t take more than minutes to undress Delphine, she begins stroking her softly, looking into her eyes.

  
“So?” Cosima grins, pulling her in tighter. “Let’s do it on your bed.” Having sex with Delphine in daylight, being able to see everything excites her further and she moves them towards the bedroom quickly. 

“Hang on a minute.” Delphine excuses herself briefly and heads to her master bathroom.

“Umm Delphine, you’re kind of leaving me hanging here.” Cosima hollers after a few minutes of waiting for her new lover on the bed. Delphine eventually emerges with a couple towels, which she throws down on the bed, layering one on top of the other.

“Good plan.” Cosima nods finally with a smirk.

“I… I don’t want to make a huge mess.” Delphine tells her. 

“That’s fine.” Cosima nods. “Do you want me to take off my clothes or leave them on?”

“Take them off.” Delphine tells her, pulling her shirt over her head. She hadn’t bothered with a bra, but Delphine doesn’t seem to mind, only lets her eyes glance down over her form. Cosima pulls off her own harem pants, but leaves the black cotton underwear in place. 

  
She guides Delphine’s hand to her breast again, encouraging Delphine to squeeze, to stroke. She groans when Delphine does.

“That feels so good.” Cosima moans encouragingly. Delphine’s strong fingers brush gently at her nipples, cupping her breasts. She finds herself staring at Delphine’s hands, Delphine’s face, watching the française touch her, watching her react to touching. A bite of the lip, a tiny whimper at the feel of a hardened nipple against her palm.

“Ooh.” Delphine breathes, looking down at her, and leans in for another soft kiss that quickly turns passionate. Needy. She lets Delphine hover over her for a few blissful minutes, rocking hips and soft kissing.

  
Eventually her desire to push further is too strong, she rolls Delphine to her back, enjoying the breathless giggling that follows. She kisses down Delphine’s lithe form, paying extra attention to pale pink nipples, to the crests of her hip bones as she descends. 

The scent of arousal is overpowering once she’s reached the small tuft of hair. Cosima nuzzles it, and begins again, intent on enjoying Delphine thoroughly this way. Needing exactly this. Enjoying the sweet musky taste of Delphine’s arousal.

It’s hard not to love her. Cosima thinks as she’s enjoying how Delphine moans readily for her, and her nerves are less this time. There’s less hesitation, more noises, and Delphine looks down at her, hazel eyes intensely focused on her own. Wanting to watch her do this, the thought thrills Cosima even more, she feels a weak throb from between her own legs.

“Ohh…. mon dieu, Cosima… Cosima…” Delphine runs at the mouth, clutching desperately at her dreads. 

_ I’m already in love with you _ . Cosima thinks, swirling her tongue around a swollen clit. Delving into Delphine’s hot swollen sex provides some relief to her, knowing she is pleasing her, knowing that this may bring them closer. Hoping it will, that Delphine will fall in love with her. That someday they may be more than just...lovers. 

Delphine’s hips move, gently at first, as if she’s nervous. Her thighs tighten around Cosima’s ears involuntarily and she pulls Cosima up.

“What? Did I hurt you? Or are you nervous?” Cosima rasps, kissing around Delphine’s navel as she waits for a response. 

“I...I don’t want to… hump your face.” Delphine explains, unable to stop herself from laughing at her own clumsy words. 

  
She laughs back smiling, that is the least of her worries. Delphine wantonly rocking up into her mouth sounds more like a dream come true. “Move like you want. You won’t hurt me.” Cosima assures her. 

“But you might get hurt. Or….” Delphine trails off and makes a small gesture of her own that Cosima can only assume references female ejaculation.

“I won’t break Delphine… it’s OK.” Cosima whispers into her skin as she teases once again. She lets her fingers stroke up over her new lover’s body, running up from knees to breasts and back again. 

Cosima descends again, makes love to Delphine with every ounce of tenderness she can muster. Gives as much as she can. Fingers grip her dreads and hips rock up, she rocks her own hips pointlessly into the mattress. She wants Delphine, all over her, in her mouth, inside her, everywhere. Everything she can have.

Being this in love this fast is probably stupid, Cosima lets herself acknowledge. She hums happily into Delphine, savouring it when the blonde gushes her pleasure and trembles under her mouth. She swallows and continues to work her, wondering if the perfect noises she can hear, the little cries of pleasure, are enough. If Delphine needs more. She begins thrusting her tongue into Delphine, enjoying the hoarse moans that meet her ears with every thrust. Hips buck up into her face and she continues, eventually moving back up to Delphine’s swollen clit, another rush of fluid meeting her eager mouth.

She waits until Delphine’s body sags back into the mattress, climax abating before crawling up her body, kissing all the way up to her sternum. Her love sits heavy in her chest as she looks down at Delphine. 

“Cosima…” Delphine moans simply, opening her eyes. She’s flushed and coated in a sheen of sweat from their efforts. Something inside her gives out, whatever notions of holding back feel suddenly inadequate for her feelings. She needs everything. Needs Delphine’s love. She wants to tell her, wants to curl up beside her, kissing Delphine. Tell her she’s falling in love. Tell her that this needs to be… more.

“You’re amazing Delphine. I cannot get enough of you.” Cosima says instead, she pauses to wipe her arousal coated face on the sheets. Her underwear stick to her drenched sex, proof of her desire for Delphine. She is tense and pulsing, longing for Delphine’s fingers to fill her. But her underwear remain, hiding that part of her body until Delphine tells her she wants to see it. Or at least that was the plan. Maybe, maybe she should suggest removal.

“Tu va me tuer.” Delphine breathes finally. “You are going to kill me, Cosima.”

“Nope. Just pleasure. Seulement les petites mortes.” Cosima quips, knowing that term at any rate. 

“Many many little deaths at this rate.” Delphine laughs. “But… what about you? Is it always like this with women?” Delphine puts her arms around her, pulling her into a cuddle, and it’s enough for now at any rate.

“Like what?” Cosima asks, stroking back her fair hair. She lets her hips rock gently, pressing her breasts into Delphines, trying to work her up once again.

“Just...one way.” Delphine explains. “I really… I thought you’d want me to touch you.”

“Oh…” Cosima moans. This is it. What she had been waiting for. The moment she gets to watch Delphine touch, feel Delphine inside, enjoy Delphine's discovery of her body.

“But you won’t even take off your underwear.” Delphine continues letting her hand drift down Cosima’s back to the small piece of cotton fabric covering her buttocks.

“I keep them on for you.” Cosima tells her softly. “I don’t want to pressure you. I told you, we wouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

“Why? Why wouldn’t I?” Delphine seems confused.

“Because I’m a girl? Because it’s new?” Cosima suggests. “I want you to ask, and then I’ll take them off.”

“I want to.” Delphine tells her. “I need you to feel like this too. You told me you liked being touched.”

“Need me to feel what?” Cosima wonders. Loved? Desired? Pleasured?

“You like being touched, Cosima… You probably like it more than I do. So let me do it.” Delphine offers, hands reaching for her body. 

“What do you mean I probably like it more than you do?” Cosima responds, concern filling her instantly. Was this… was this a huge mistake?

“No… Of course not.” Delphine backtracks quickly, clearly panicked now. “You feel so good Cosima.”

“Do you really mean that?” Cosima wonders aloud. “Like… if you don’t like being touched, we probably _ shouldn’t _ be having sex. Like, at all.” She knows Delphine’s pleasure, her orgasms were real. They weren’t faked. But if something about it made Delphine uncomfortable then that was a huge problem. And she knows immediately, it’s not one she can work through.   
  


Delphine just looks back at her, increasingly confused. Her eyes wide and watering. “You… you don’t want to have sex with me anymore?”   
  


“Not if you don’t enjoy it!” Cosima throws back, trying not to raise her voice. “I don’t want to fuck a girl who isn’t into it.” But Delphine is, Cosima knows the arousal, the reactions cannot be faked. Knows that Delphine isn’t faking orgasm either. So what is Delphine even on about?

The word seems to hit Delphine like a slap. It stuns her, but only for a moment.    
  


“But I am!” Delphine protests loudly. “I am into it with you!” 

Cosima shakes her head. “Show, don’t tell.”

“What else do you want from me?” Delphine asks, but she too is losing composure. Cosima eyes Delphine’s face but finds only confusion staring back at her out of wounded hazel eyes.

“Tell me how you like to be touched. How you like to be fucked.” Cosima urges her. Even though she suspects this is going to lead to her having to buy another dildo. 

Delphine argues back. “I just had two orgasms.”

“I know.” Cosima responds. “What do  _ you  _ like? When you’re not with me. What else would...do it for you?”

  
Delphine bites her lip, and it’s a couple slow agonizing minutes before she responds. “Take off your underwear and get on my lap.”

“No. I want this to be about you.” Cosima shoots back. If Delphine isn’t willing to be vulnerable, to want her… can this have a chance in hell of going anywhere? She could let Delphine touch her, but what good could that possibly do if Delphine isn’t that into being touched? It’s not like Delphine knew what she was doing, there’d have to be a lot of reciprocity.

  
“Then maybe you should go.” Delphine tells her instead with a sigh. “Maybe… we should take some space. There’s been a lot new between us. Give me… give me a few hours by myself.”

“So first it’s ‘ _ get naked’ _ and now it’s ‘ _ get out _ ’?” Maybe the confusion is contagious. Cosima considers. 

“Please.” Delphine sighs, but she doesn’t look happy with this either.

“Dinner tonight?” Cosima offers as she redresses, moving to leave. 

“Non. Not tonight.” Delphine swallows. “This… this is too confusing right now.”

“Alright. Fine.” Cosima agrees, she turns to leave, not looking back. She cannot look back, or she’ll want to apologize. Want to give Delphine whatever she wants. 

* * *

Soft knocking disturbs Cosima from her research. Her head lifts only to see Delphine open the door. She’s laying on the couch and doesn’t really move even when Delphine enters the apartment, stopping to lock the door behind her.

“Can we… cuddle?” Delphine asks from her spot near the door. It’s vulnerable, and too much to be anything but simple in its intention. 

“Of course.” Cosima agrees, it’s not like she’s getting much done anyway. Thinking about anything but Delphine is increasingly difficult. Mostly how she’d fucked this up instead of taking off her underwear and getting fucked. 

“Are you still angry?” Delphine asks as she settles herself on the sliver of couch next to Cosima’s bare feet. 

“No… I wasn’t angry, Delphine. I was just… scared and frustrated. I didn’t mean to raise my voice.” Cosima apologizes. “I’m sorry.”

Delphine curls around her body, spooning her from behind. Cosima feels her body relax, she pushes her coffee table away from the couch with one hand before settling back into Delphine’s embrace.

“I am very into being touched by you.” Delphine assures her with another soft kiss to her neck. “I don’t understand… I don’t know why you got angry. I didn’t mean to insinuate I wasn’t pleased.”

“Yeah?”

“I get so wet when you touch me. When you kiss me.” Delphine whispers. 

“I know...It’s fantastic.” Cosima groans. Cosima pushes her hips back from her position on the couch and is delighted when Delphine grinds forward. Pushing into her.

“Oh mon dieu…” Delphine whimpers, pushing at her again. They aren’t even undressed but their hips keep moving, pushing, holding. Desperately trying to wrought stimulation.

“This.. oh god… do that again.” Cosima begs, and Delphine does, pressing forward, rocking her hips. They continue in nearly silence, her arousal increasing by the minute. She wants more, and thinks she knows how to get it.

“How does it make you feel?” Cosima asks, rubbing back with her ass again, Delphine’s hand clutched to her sternum.

“So aroused.” Delphine pushes into her, again and again. “If… If I could only get inside you. Rub against you.”   
  


“You can… but then we have to stop this.” Cosima rocks back again and feels the pressure return. 

“J’ai envie de toi, Cosima.” Delphine breathes. “I want to be inside you. I want to push myself into you. Make love to you. Hold you.”

Cosima lets herself groan. “More than you want to hump my ass?”   
  


“I am not humping your ass.” Delphine grumbles under her breath, but she rocks her hips again. Cosima whimpers in response, enjoying how her noises seem to excite Delphine further.

“Fine.” Cosima reaches down and undoes her pants. “Do you want to take this off?”

“Yes.” Delphine assures her, laying little kisses against her neck, continuing to rock, separating only enough to undress Cosima. 

  
“You?” Cosima flips around, reaching for Delphine’s shirt. But she’s stopped by hands, she gets another glimpse of Delphine’s scars, just barely covered by her sleeves but says nothing of it.    
  


“Non… peut-être plus tard.” Delphine smiles, and pulls her into a needy kiss, her tongue delving deeply, threatening to take Cosima’s breath away. She moves to straddle Delphine, letting the blonde yank off her shirt, she unfastens her bra and lets it fall.

“Touch me.” Cosima begs and is rewarded by enthusiastic lips and gentle hands fondling her. Soon the hands graze downwards, across her abdomen, settling on her hips. Cosima rocks her hips, knowing that even clothed Delphine must be aware of how aroused she is. Of how much she wants. 

A soft hand tentatively finds its way between them, stroking at clearly aroused flesh.

  
“Cosima…” Delphine breathes, once again staring deeply into her eyes. 

  
“Just touch me… it’s… it’s  _ so easy _ Delphine, I promise.” Cosima offers, rolling her hips again, feeling Delphine’s perfect fingertips slide against her, providing much needed friction. She rocks, pushing her naked body into Delphine’s clothed one. She lets herself be the bare one, the vulnerable one. Maybe that is all Delphine wanted, for it to feel fair. For Cosima to be vulnerable too.

“I don’t want to disappoint you.” Delphine murmurs softly between kisses, her fingers still oh-so-gently working Cosima’s dripping sex. It’s barely there, a terrible, wonderful tease against her sensitive flesh.

“You can’t… it’s not possible.” Cosima whispers back. “Push inside me now.” Delphine does, and they both moan together. It’s enough, Cosima rides Delphine’s fingers, moving her hips at a demanding pace. Delphine presses, she rocks and the simple innocence of it sends her reeling. It is more than enough. Delphine inside her, Delphine kissing her. 

“Comme ça?” Delphine asks, speeding up her movements. She’s clenching around her now, knowing that there’s so much emotion pent up in this it won’t take long. She just needs a little more. 

“Yes… yes…” Cosima repeats in a low whine that seems to have Delphine fixating on her face. She’s sure that she’s hurting her, causing her wrist at least some discomfort, but Delphine doesn’t complain. She keeps moving, keeps watching. She reaches down, deciding to help Delphine, touches herself in quick movements, feels her fingers collide with Delphine’s hand, but neither of them stop moving. 

Cosima lets go only when she’s so close any movement could send her hurtling towards climax. She comes easily, orgasm washing easy pleasure over her body, she shakes, clutching desperately at Delphine, blunt nails digging into pale shoulders. 

Cosima collapses onto Delphine, burying her flushed face in her neck. “Oh… oh Delphine.”

“It was good?” Delphine asks, mildly concerned. “You were touching yourself again.” Delphine gently pulls out of her, moving her rather wet hand back to Cosima’s hip.

“Very.” Cosima nods. “You felt so good inside me. And yeah…” She tries a sheepish smile. She doesn’t want to offend Delphine, but she definitely wanted to come.

“What now?” Delphine looks up at her, hands softly stroking her hips.

“Come to bed with me.” Cosima offers. She begins to undress Delphine, kissing her intently. Trying to tease her. 

“You want me in your bed?” At this Delphine smiles. Cosima’s hands readily going to undress the blonde. To remove the damn layers she cannot wait to get rid of. 

“I want you in my bed, I want your skin on my skin. I want everything Delphine. And I want … I want to give you everything I can give you, even if it can’t be everything you want.” Cosima mumbles out the words. Everything Cosima wants, it can definitely be that.

“Who said you cannot give me what I want?” Delphine breathes the question, barely audible and Cosima finds herself kissing Delphine ravenously again as she quickly works small black buttons. She wants to devour her. Or maybe, to be devoured. To wait to talk things out a little longer, to let things be simple. Just a little bit longer.


	10. Chapter 10

Cosima gasps, pressed down into her mattress, her legs spread wide. She’s thankful for her flexibility even as Delphine hovers above her, throwing her legs further apart. Pressing her sex down into Cosima’s. Desperately rubbing, adjusting, trying to get the angle right. Trying to yield some pleasure from this. She does her best to help her, not quite used to attempting this with others. Cosima groans, trying to get Delphine closer, feel more of her.

“C’est tellement beau.” Delphine tells her, grinding down wetly. 

“What is?” Cosima asks. Whatever she had been expecting definitely wasn’t this. This was not in any of her smutty books. This was 100% Delphine.

“Our lovemaking. My body with your body.” Delphine grinds again, trying to hold Cosima’s legs open, to press them tightly sex to sex.

“Why like this?” Cosima asks. It’s not the easiest or most stimulating thing they could be doing. She’d honestly expected Delphine to just lay back, to receive pleasure. Instead she’s treated to a round of tribbing initiated by an insistent Delphine. 

“I wanted to press you into me… do women not do this?” Delphine stops for a moment, but the blonde is clearly enjoying herself. She moans whenever the contact is perfect. 

“Some do.” Cosima assures her new lover. “We can.”

“I wanted to feel you there. Ta vulve contre la mienne...” Delphine grins for a moment, grinding again.

“You wanted to feel me.” Cosima repeats softly, mildly stunned by the desire she sees looking back at her. It’s promising, if a little weird. It sounds like Delphine lusts after her at any rate. Even if it is all experimental.

“It felt necessary.” Delphine states simply, and grinds again. “I needed to know what this would feel like.”

It’s another thrill when Delphine somehow manages to orgasm like that, and Cosima cannot stop smiling. She’s grinning like an idiot even as Delphine is coming down and beginning to sag, the tension seeping out of her body.

“Wow.” Cosima laughs, pulling Delphine into a kiss. She lets their lips cling, teasing Delphine softly with her tongue. 

“It was good?”

“Yeah. And surprising. What do you want for dinner?” Cosima changes the subject. She’s definitely worked up an appetite.

“Oh right…” Delphine stares at the ceiling. “I don’t know. I could figure out something.”  
  


“Or I could. I could make those bean veggie burgers and we could do something with the potatoes under your sink.” Cosima suggests. Simple enough, even if it felt like they were both just dreaming of summer. Of the end of this too-long winter.

“Let’s do that then.” Delphine agrees, leaning in to kiss her neck softly.

They’re climbing out of bed before Delphine speaks again. Cosima knows she’ll have to change the sheets again but at least Delphine doesn’t look distressed at the wet spot.

“I have … a bit of a weird question for you.” Delphine tells her softly as she begins to redress.

“Anything. Just ask.” Cosima laughs lightheartedly.

  
“Do lesbians have safe sex? Can they?” Delphine asks regarding her closely. 

“Umm yes. It’s not as risky as PIV sex but....” Cosima responds, taken a bit aback. “I mean there’s like dental dams for oral sex.. I could get us some but umm the whole vulva-rubbing thing you just intiated is really not safe sex.” It’s not that common, Cosima wants to admit. There’s only been a handful of times she’d had dental dams in her possession, despite knowing that it would be somewhat safer with them. She’d opted for fairly regular testing instead. But maybe Delphine would want to use barriers?

Delphine looks at her, cheeks reddening. “Should I not have?”

Cosima shakes her head. “You haven’t had sex in three years. I got tested in February and before that I hadn’t in a few months. Unless you’re carrying something particularly nasty and incurable… no worries.” Cosima shrugs. Hopefully Delphine is not infected with herpes or something, but she suspects Delphine would have disclosed if that were the case.

“So it’s safe.” Delphine nods.

“You won’t catch anything from me.” Cosima tells her. “I’m much more careful than I used to be. Usually.” Cosima tilts her head. She hadn’t been careful with Delphine. Maybe that was a mistake but it felt right, and Delphine wasn’t exactly particularly sexually active.

“Alright. I just wanted to know… should I try to buy dental dams? Can you order them online?” Delphine looks towards the living room, no doubt she’d left her phone there.  
  


“Please don’t? Unless you want to use one on me. I mean they come flavoured so...if _you_ wanted to, you could.” Cosima rushes the words out. She doesn’t want a barrier between her mouth and Delphine. Doesn’t want to taste mint or cherry or a weird overly sweet grape flavour. If Delphine wanted to taste mint instead of pussy she could deal with that. But it would likely just be awkward anyway.

“You don’t want them?” Delphine looks at her quizzically. “Why?”

“Well… I’ve already had my mouth on you. And unless you’re messing around with other people it’s not like … anything will just happen. I have rarely seen them, nevermind used them.” Cosima gestures awkwardly. The queer students union used to have a box of them, and she knew they were rarely taken out. “It’s not like either of us is suddenly going to be having multiple partners. As long as this pandemic lasts anyway.” If she gets to keep Delphine all to herself, a small part of her wouldn’t mind if this lasted months.

“Euh...” Delphine tilts her head back, mirroring Cosima. “But wouldn’t you prefer to taste...something else?”

“Nope.” Cosima grins. “I like the taste of pussy. I want to taste you.” She cannot stop herself from giggling. It delights her, after all. Why hide that?

“Even if I might…” Delphine makes the same awkward gesture again.

“Even if you ejaculate?” Cosima substitutes readily, noting that she’d gotten it right.

“Yes…” Delphine nods vigorously. 

  
“Umm… You did. A few times.” Cosima smirks again, laughing. “No big deal.”

“In your mouth?” Delphine’s brow furrows. Her expression morphing into something akin to embarrassment.  
  
“Yup.” Cosima nods. No point in lying. She tries to keep her face in a reassuring calm expression. 

“You didn’t say anything.” Delphine looks mildly awkward, looking down at the floor with the pretence of relocating her clothes. 

“There was still a puddle…” Cosima prods gently before continuing. “Oh come on, I am sure at least one of your former partners wanted to make you squirt.” Cosima chides her as she pulls on an oversized tunic. Maybe this conversation was one they should have dressed.

“Yes. One of them had that...fixation.” Delphine acknowledges. “It was a messy few months. And even with others… it tended to happen. Though I usually tried to make sure it was...during intercourse.”

“So it’s nothing new to you. And… it’s nothing new to me. I’ve been with other women who have. It’s not super common but…” Cosima shrugs. “It’s fine. I’m not bothered by it.”

“Even in your mouth?”

“You’re the one who gives blowjobs.” Cosima points out. “What’s the difference? It’s all bodily fluids.” Privately Cosima suspects it’s a lot less vile with a woman but there’s no reason to say that. There’s no sense offending Delphine over a nothing thing like that.

“Women aren’t supposed to. There’s no purpose to it.” Delphine sighs.

“But you’ll get a mouthful of jizz without complaint?” Cosima finishes dressing and moves to hold Delphine’s hands. She tries to keep her tone curious, gentle. 

Delphine looks at her awkwardly. “I have. I don’t particularly enjoy it.”

“So don’t do it. At all.” Cosima responds evenly. “And I’m not asking you to go down on me either. That’s 100% optional.”

“You’re not?” Delphine continues dressing.

“Nope.” Cosima stretches. “You’ve got hands. I’m happy with that.” She cannot push Delphine, nor does she want to. If that’s all Delphine ever wants to give her then that’s fine. Though, it may not last.

“You don’t want it?”

Cosima sighs. “I enjoy it, but only when my partner does too. I’m not really a believer in just ‘ _giving it to get it’_. If you’re not into it, it won’t be any good for me.”

“I never got it. Before you.” Delphine admits. Delphine doesn’t quite meet her eyes and she pulls on her pants looking down. 

“But it was offered?” Cosima assumes.

“Once or twice. I refused.” Delphine looks embarrassed.

“Because you squirt?” Cosima puts her glasses back on and tilts her head looking at Delphine. How much was going to be absolutely new to Delphine? She clearly has had some sex, but maybe not quite enough.

Delphine sighs as she buttons her blouse. “Mostly.”

“I’m into it. But it’s just something your body does, it’s fine.” Cosima reaches out with soothing hands. “I’m happy you let me.”

“You told me it was how you made love. It seemed unfair not to let you.” Delphine shrugs. “And you were persistent.”

“But… I didn’t push you.” Cosima insists. At least she hadn’t meant to. 

“You did. A little.” Delphine suggests softly. “It does feel good though. You’re...you’re very good at it.”

“I will do it as often as you like.” Cosima tells Delphine. “You can have twice daily cunnilingus if you want. Or more."

“You’ll get sick of it.” Delphine shakes her head but at least she’s giggling.

“No I won’t.” Cosima protests laughing. Surely their sex frequency would slow over time, but sick of Delphine? She couldn’t imagine it. Delphine was too perfect. An academic like her, someone who understood her… and was probably even more intellectual than herself. There was too much there.

“You will. You’ll get sick of me.” Delphine looks at her softly though, now fully dressed.

“Nope.” Cosima grins. “Never.”

To emphasize her point she begins kissing her, pulling Delphine into her arms, trying to show her just how much she wants. How much she craves her. How much she loves her.

* * *

_Day 45_

“So I think it’s looking better?” Cosima tries to argue her case via Skype. “I have two speech language pathologists who will be providing guidance.”

Dr. Lowes sighs at her. “It is. You still need to pass ethics, Cosima. And if you don’t, we’ll have to reassess again.”

“So?” Cosima knows she’s been slacking. She’d barely made it through the meeting without giving that away. 

“Fill out the forms and submit them to me, I’ll send them to the committee.”

“In the meantime?” A click in the lock tells her Delphine is done for the day, and she suddenly desperately wants to be done as well.

“Keep working. And I want to check in two weeks from now, same time.”   
  


“Done.” Delphine is grinning at her from the door, dressed simply in a sweater and jeans, grinning at her.

Cosima quickly says goodbye to her advisor and no sooner than has she shut the laptop than is Delphine in her arms, kissing her insistently.

“Bonsoir ma chérie…” Delphine coos at her, kissing her face again.

“Oh…” Cosima leans back, letting Delphine kiss her, letting her hands roam her body, more confidently now. 

“Toi me manques.” Delphine holds her face in her hands. They’d barely seen each other since Sunday and it was hard. Hard to stay away. Hard to keep herself from just throwing on lingerie and a robe and going to knock on Delphine’s door. Screw whatever the neighbours might think.

“You’re the one who front-loads her week with private consultations.” Cosima mumbles between kisses. Honestly, she’d missed Delphine too. A few lonely meals and too much time on her hands had just been hard. The kittens’ eyes were open now, but they were still helpless and Kiki wasn’t the most talkative for company.

“It was a terrible mistake.” Delphine mutters out, kissing her face insistently. They’d had dinner together last night and then gone separately to bed, to get more sleep. 

“It was.” Cosima laughs. “You should have planned for this.” Cosima pulls the red sweater off Delphine and tosses it onto the floor. Underneath there’s nothing but a loose black tank and it excites her further. 

  
“How could I have planned for you?” Delphine laughs. “Je vais devenir obsédée!’ 

“I thought you said you couldn’t get obsessed with sex?” Cosima teases, even as she’s undressing Delphine again. 

“I’m making an exception.” Delphine tells her, laughing as she sets in on removing Cosima’s skirt. 

Cosima cannot resist teasing again. “You don’t want to take a walk or something first? Get outside?” It’s not like they can really go anywhere. Not like there’s anything to do but wander aimlessly and maybe get takeout.

“Maybe after.” Delphine pulls her back to her mouth, kissing her demandingly. 

_What are we?_ Cosima thinks to herself, not quite ready to voice the question to Delphine. She pulls off Delphine’s clothing instead, and sucks a pert pink nipple into her mouth instead.

_Are we fuck buddies?_ Cosima wonders, running her fingers through curls, before moving to begin kissing Delphine’s hand. Sucking on her fingers only briefly.

Delphine eagerly pulls her in, tongue toying with her own within minutes. She’s inside her within minutes, she lets her fingers press, before twisting them again. The little moans she can hear more than enough for now. Certainly this is enough?

Cosima groans, Delphine’s hands dragging her back to kiss, seemingly unwilling to let their mouths separate for more than a few minutes. Hands grip her firmly, holding her body close as possible. _Are we dating?_

It’s easy, Cosima knows, to take Delphine on the couch, sweet and slow. So what if she has to steam clean the couch? 

“This is going to get messy.” Delphine is writhing under her, making no movement to stop her. It’s only a warning, Cosima smirks, and she doubles her efforts to bring Delphine over the edge. 

“Cosima…” Delphine is moaning and gasping, even when it’s done. “Cosima.” She breathes again and it sets something else alight in Cosima’s chest. She needs more. Or at least needs to give her mouth something else to do to stop herself from talking. From possibly ruining all of this.

She’s sunk to her knees in front of a still gasping Delphine. She pulls her legs apart and lowers her mouth excitedly.

“I want you.” Cosima says, letting the rest of her thoughts sit. Maybe there’d be time later. Maybe it was just too soon.


	11. Chapter 11

_ Day 51  
_

They’d definitely settled into a routine. Cosima finds herself thinking, even as she takes her seat for lunch at Delphine’s small table. The routine involved a lot of sex. She could be doing something entirely unsexy, like shoveling cereal into her mouth wearing an oversized t-shirt and next thing she knew Delphine was jumping her again. Before she’d even finished breakfast.

  
“I hope you like lentils. It’s a daal.” Delphine tells her, liberally serving some of the fragrant dish into her bowl.

“It smells amazing.” Cosima grins. She serves herself some basmati rice before heaping daal on top. “Thank you.”

“How goes Ethics?” Delphine asks. “Ready to try again?”

“I just submitted the forms, again. Now I wait, fingers crossed.” Cosima explains happily, helping herself to lunch.

“Good. You’ll pass.” Delphine nods confidently.

“You have afternoon plans? Our grocery order should arrive sometime, other than that I’m free.” She’d cleared her schedule, more or less. Sure she could be working but she wants to go somewhere, anywhere with Delphine. Maybe go down to the docks and look at the boats. They could bundle up and get tea and carry steaming mugs. Something sweet. Something romantic. Maybe kiss Delphine somewhere they would be clothed and standing up. 

In response, Delphine pulls off her shirt, tossing it back behind onto her floor.

“Umm wow.” Cosima cannot manage words. They haven’t finished lunch and Delphine is already undressing.

“Is this OK?” Delphine stops. She hadn’t bothered to wear a bra and her nipples pucker quickly in the cool room. Cosima stares back despite herself. Damn.

“Umm totally. Just let me finish lunch.” Cosima laughs. She cannot deny the desire that’s so easily stirred in both of them.

“You want to, right?” Delphine stops herself, fingers a few inches from Cosima’s shoulder.

“Absolutely.” Cosima assures her new lover. “Just need to eat first.” Insatiable was not something she really expected Delphine to be. But it seemed to be going that way.

They finish lunch in half-giggles and intense looks. Delphine has begun pulling her to the bedroom before she’s cleared the table.

“You’re so eager.” Cosima teases. But she’s thrilled to kiss Delphine back, to let the française undress both of them.

“Sex with women is addictive.” Delphine offers apologetically as she unfastens her pants.

“What do you want?” Cosima asks softly, slowing down their kisses.

“I want you inside me.” Delphine tells her. Delphine is riding her hand in minutes, already aroused.

“Holy shit…” Cosima grits her teeth, pushing upwards as she braces her hand against her bare thigh.

“You always feel good.” Delphine tells her, rocking her hips down. Trying to get her deeper.

“Good.” Cosima grins, leaning in to kiss her again. She lets it just be sex, kissing and moaning as they build a delicious rhythm together.

Delphine’s enthusiasm is contagious. She comes in record time, gushing her pleasure all over Cosima.

“So good.” Cosima croons, kissing Delphine’s chest. Maybe a shower and a walk would finish off the afternoon nicely. There was still plenty of time.

No sooner than has she disengaged her hand from Delphine’s sex, than has Delphine begun to stroke her. She tries not to whine, and lets out a slow exhale instead.

“T’es trempée…” Delphine groans and stills, stroking her softly. “Tu glisses sous mes doigts.”

“Why? What is it?” Cosima looks up to see Delphine biting her lip, fingers stilled against her needy flesh.

  
“Cosima, you get wet for me.” Delphine explains, trying to be calm. “Nothing else has been like this.”

Cosima smiles back. “Because I get wet?” She feels rather satisfied her arousal has this effect on Delphine. There’s no disguising how pleased she is with this.

“Because I barely touch you and you’re dripping wet. Because you want me. You want me inside of you.” Delphine is breathless, delighted. 

“I do. Yeah.” Cosima smiles, increasingly enamoured. “Impossible not to when I am touching you.”

“I want you… I want you all the time. I want to make love to you. Really make love to you.” Delphine expresses herself, punctuating her words with the slide of her hands over Cosima’s body.

Cosima pauses, somewhat concerned. What was Delphine on about now? “Don’t we? Like, every day?”

Delphine continues. “I want you in my bed, I want you to lie back and let me have you. I want to do everything, and let you enjoy yourself.”

“Trust me Delphine, I really enjoy myself.” Cosima laughs. “Like a lot.”

“I need more. I need to give you more. Give yourself to me.” Delphine demands, pushing her back onto the bed.

“I have!” Cosima argues.

“Only I get to touch now. Tell me what you want and I will do it.” Delphine enters gently, one finger at a time. She strokes insistently.

“Yesss!” Cosima hisses, pushing up her hips.

“Tu sens bonne.” Delphine moans, moving in her again. “I love the smell of it. Of us together.”

Cosima looks up at Delphine’s face, still flushed and delighted. It makes her heart swell in her chest and she knows she’s in way too deep to just be a fuck buddy. It has to be more. They have to talk. As soon as they’re done.

“What’s wrong?” Delphine notices her distraction. “Is something wrong?”

“No… I love the way you feel.” Cosima assures her. Delphine was getting the hang of things quickly enough. She was certainly getting enough practice 

“I’ve changed my mind. I am going to taste you.” Delphine tells her softly, her fingers stilling without warning.

“Oh?” Cosima cannot stop the giggle that emerges from her mouth. “You want to?”

“I want to try.” Delphine explains. “I haven’t tried it, so there is zero way to know if I would find it enjoyable. Or… if it would please you enough, that would be enough for me.”   
  
“Try away.” Cosima nods. Hopefully, hopefully this goes well. If not, they’ll deal with that then.

Delphine’s tongue flicks hesitantly against her. Cosima tries not to squirm, to resist the urge to push Delphine’s face into her. 

“Like this?” Delphine asks, moving her tongue against her again.

“It feels good.” Cosima encourages her. “Is it OK for you?”

“It’s… a little awkward.” Delphine admits, before licking again less tentatively, moving into kiss her clearly aroused sex. She brushes her pubic hair out of the way with one hand and leans back down, intent on pleasuring Cosima.

Cosima whimpers, unable to help herself. The soft uncertain touch of Delphine’s mouth is suddenly much more sensuous than she’d expected. “Do you like how I taste?” Cosima finds herself asking hopefully. 

“Oui. You’re...sweeter than I expected.” Delphine breaks contact to respond. “It’s… nice.” Delphine blushes a little, looking down at her.

“Nice?!” Cosima laughs, but she keeps her tone playful. She doesn’t want to push her again. 

“Should I try sucking instead? Or does that hurt?” Delphine tilts her head. It mimics one of her own mannerisms which makes Cosima smile.

“Not yet… just explore. Taste. Touch… you don’t have to give me an orgasm.” Cosima offers. “Just...experiment. It’s OK.”

“But I want to!” Delphine claims, dropping her mouth between her legs again. She kisses, flicking her firmly. Circles her entrance and pushes her tongue inside.

Cosima cries out despite herself, the urge of wanting to be the perfect first for Delphine at odds with her need for more. 

“You taste like sex.” Delphine moans deeply at her, moving to her clit again. “I like it.” 

Delphine is thorough, and enthusiastic, Cosima notes as she’s gently rocking her hips up. Trying to bring this to its increasingly inevitable conclusion before she cries out something she’ll regret.

Delphine hums into her, kissing her again before finally sucking gently. She moans loudly, suspecting the neighbours probably already hate them for their noise pollution several times a day. She cannot resist watching, loving the image of Delphine’s face between her legs, of Delphine’s mouth on her. 

“Use your tongue.” Cosima begs finally. “More please. Please Delphine.” She can have this, she can be satisfied with this. Amazing sex with a gorgeous, intelligent woman. Why is she fixated on more? Her heart can’t just let it go. It’s enough, amazingly enough.

She manages to stop moaning only just before climax, shuddering out her release under Delphine’s sweet mouth.

“Holy shit.” Cosima breathes, catching her breath. “Holy shit that just happened.” Total fantasy fodder, Cosima is grinning absently when Delphine collapses onto her belly, hiding her face.

“It did. J’ai fait minette.” Delphine responds, her breathing coming hard as well. Perhaps, perhaps her technique could use some work. At least in terms of breathing more.

“Delphine Cormier went down on me.” Cosima teases again happily. If this was only going to be sex, she was definitely going to make the best of it. Maybe it would happen again. Maybe they’d 69 their way through quarantine and emerge only when the patios let them sit again. 

Delphine remains collapsed on her belly, breathing heavily. Perhaps she’s still stunned by it.

“Are you OK?” Cosima asks and she feels the nod in lieu of a response.

“Cosima?” Delphine asks finally.

“Yeah?” She’s happily stroking Delphine’s hair. Maybe it’s finally time for the talk. Time to put it all out in the open and figure out just what they are to each other.

Delphine pushes herself up just enough to meet her eyes. “I think I might be a lesbian.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter. More to come.

Cosima looks down at her sweaty uncertain lover, she smiles a little. She sighs softly. “I know.” That, that wouldn’t totally be a surprise. At the very least, Delphine was definitely queer. As for what label, who knows. Bisexual? Pansexual? Lesbian? That, she wasn’t sure of. Not  _ completely _ . And it wasn’t really her business anyway.

“You know?” Delphine seems surprised.

“Yup.” Cosima nods. “It’s been pretty obvious to me you are into women.” 

“For how long?” Delphine looks at her.

Cosima smiles. “A while now. I suspected you might be before we even slept together if you want total honesty.”

“Why?” Delphine climbs up, moving so they can be face to face.

“I don’t think you actually like sex with men that muuch, I don’t think you’ve even realized how much you didn’t like it. But maybe your five individual lovers just particularly sucked. I don’t know.” Cosima says plainly. “And you looked at me a lot, got into my space.”

Delphine looks down. “I do like sex more with you. It’s… never  _ uncomfortable _ with you. Just… pleasure.”

“Good,” Cosima responds. Well, this threw a wrench in things. She isn’t inclined to dig into whatever Delphine meant by uncomfortable. Not at this moment anyway.

“Did I look that much?”

  
“I’d watch a movie, you’d watch me.” Cosima summarizes. “Mostly. And then we’d have sex again. We were having sex you initiated multiple times a day. You’re kind of insatiable.”

“Was it too much?” Delphine looks concerned. “You said it was OK, that I wasn’t making you sore.”

“And you don’t. You haven’t yet anyway.” Cosima laughs. “And we aren’t really dating, so it must be the sex with a woman thing that is really getting you going.” Cosima shrugs. Might as well get that one out in the open.

  
Delphine looks back at her, stunned into silence for only a couple moments. “But we  _ are _ dating!” 

“Are we?” Cosima throws back. “All we do is have sex. You cannot keep your hands, or anything else, off of me.” Not that she’s complaining.

“Yes! I mean I thought we were.” Delphine gets quieter. “You told me you were dating me.”

Cosima shakes her head laughing. “When? When did we establish that?”

“Before we started making love.” Delphine responds calmly. “When you said you wanted to date me, pandemic-style.”

“Yeah but mostly you just keep jumping me. Which is totally hot. But it leaves things unclear whether we are dating or just having casual sex.” Cosima gestures it out, her hands moving rapidly around them.

“Do you not want to date me?” Delphine wonders. “Is it… is it because I have been with men?” Dephine’s brow is furrowed and she looks up at Cosima confused, almost hurt. 

“No… oh god no! I don’t give a shit who you’ve fucked.” Cosima tries to soothe Delphine with soft hands. “I just want you to be into me.”   
  
“I am.” Delphine reiterates. “We… We are dating?” Delphine’s tone is pleading, and it bothers her for only a moment before she responds.

“Yeah. We’re dating.” Cosima affirms. That much is settled. Now what?

  
“So if I call my parents or friends I can tell them I have a girlfriend?” 

Cosima laughs. “You want to do that? Already?”

“It will come up in conversation eventually.” Delphine shrugs. “What I have been up to? How I feel about the pandemic? If I am getting enough exercise.”

“Speaking of exercise-” Cosima starts.

“You want me to make love to you again?” Delphine offers softly, lips moving down to draw a dusky nipple into her mouth. She sucks and Cosima moans despite herself for a moment. This, this would never do for having an actual conversation.

“Come on, let’s take a warm shower, get some clothes on and take a walk.” Cosima urges her. “We can talk more then.”

“Without having sex?” Delphine laughs.

“I hope so. Walks are about the only thing people can do outside in Toronto these days. We might give people quite a show.” Cosima jokes, pushing herself up out of bed.

“But shower first?” Delphine asks brightly.

  
“Yeah. Got to wash off a bit… you too.”   
  
“That could be fun.” Delphine follows her happily, and sure, it might take longer to get clean but at least it’ll be fun.

* * *

  
_ Day 56 _

Cosima sighs happily, she is strolling along the street holding Delphine’s hand and it is utter bliss. 

“Is this your favourite part of the city?” Delphine asks.   
  


“The Danforth? One of them.” Cosima responds. “Lots of Greek restaurants. Lots to see… definitely better when everything is open though.”

“Hmm.” Delphine hums. “Do you want to get food?”

“Maybe.” Cosima tilts her head, considering her options. “Not much vegetarian fare though.”

“Then what do you want?” Delphine asks, face bright and happy.

  
“I want to go back home with you. Play with the tiny kittens and watch them stumble around and try to play. Order takeout.” Cosima smiles. “I’m getting cold.”

“Is it too cold?” Delphine begins rubbing Cosima’s arms trying to warm her.

“A little.” Cosima lets Delphine put an arm around her, seemingly unbothered if people see them together. Plenty of people walk or jog. A couple people walk dogs of various sizes. Not like there’s anything else to do.

When they reach the hallway a piece of paper taped to Cosima’s door catches their attention.

“What ...what is it?” Delphine looks at the writing apprehensively.

“It’s a… a noise complaint.” Cosima wrinkles her nose. “From the dude in 302. Apparently he hears us fucking.”

  
Delphine pulls the paper into her own hand, her eyes widen looking at it.

“He’s not happy with us.” Cosima summarizes. “I guess we should try to do it in your bed more often. Leave a vacant apartment between our units. It should reduce the noise he hears.”

“What does he mean screaming? I do not scream.” Delphine crosses her arms watching as Cosima unlocks the door.

“Umm you kind of did. A few times.” Cosima suggests kindly. “Besides he went and said he can only assume my name is Cosima because you keep screaming it.”

“I don’t scream.” Delphine insists, shaking her head.

“You kind of do, but it’s totally hot. I love it.” Cosima rushes to assure her. “And you make these adorable high breathy cries when I am thrusting into you.”

“So he’s asking us to stop?”

“He said multiple times a day is excessive and if we don’t quiet down he’ll report us both to building management.” Cosima grimaces. 

“Do you think he’s just lonely and jealous?” Delphine asks, after looking over the letter herself.

  
“I think he has few options for companionship right now. He was rarely home pre-Covid.” Cosima shrugs. “Plus I think he’s hella gay.”

“How can you tell?”

“Umm, he saw Cosmo on my way to introduce the two of you and then later showed up in drag, did a 360 and when right back into his apartment.” Cosima admits.

  
Delphine stops a moment. “He saw you as Cosmo? On your way to my apartment?” 

“Lots of people saw me as Cosmo. Back during amateur drag nights.” Cosima brushes it off. 

  
“But you were packing!” Delphine seems a little scandalized but it doesn’t feel like a big deal to Cosima.

“He didn’t know that. Neither did you until you felt it.” Cosima reminds her.

“I guess we will have to try to keep it down.” Delphine tells her. “So… for our next date. I will plan it. And it will be entirely in my apartment.”

“When?” Cosima asks eagerly.

“Tomorrow. Just you and me. Come for 6:30, we’ll start with dinner.” Delphine tells her. “I will take care of the food, and everything else.”

“Did you order a couch?” Cosima looks Delphine over.

“Yes. Actually.” She tells her. “I don’t know if it will arrive in time. But it’s due to arrive tomorrow. A few other furnishings as well.”

“Ooh. We’ll break it in good for you.”   
  


“And get more noise complaints?”

“Maybe?” Cosima tilts her head mischievously. “We can see if we can get…” Cosima pauses to check the name at the bottom of the letter. “Felix in 302 to hear you with my vacant apartment in the middle.”

“You wouldn’t!”

Cosima smirks again, fingers twirling in the air. “Oh… I would.” 

“But he’ll complain to management!”

“What is management going to tell us? To stop fucking?” Cosima shakes her head.

“I guess not.”

“So… do you have more work to do… or do you want to create some more noise pollution with our amazing fucking?” Cosima tries to tempt Delphine, but the look on the française’s face isn’t the arousal she suspects.

“I thought you would love me by now. But you never say it.” Delphine looks over at Cosima. “You don’t even call it making love anymore mostly. Just the first few times you did.”

Cosima’s heart sinks. “I really really like you, Delphine.”   
  


“But you don’t love me.” Delphine surmises, seeming somehow disappointed. 

“I want to.” Cosima answers honestly. “But I don’t want to unless you can love me back. And things between us are still really new. We don’t need to rush into declarations of love.”

“Haven’t I though?” Delphine’s brow furrows. “I make love to you nearly every day Cosima. We rarely sleep apart.”

“You often leave during the night though, you sneak back to your own bed.”   
  


Delphine tries to argue it. “But I cuddle you for hours first. And I come back for breakfast.”

“So? You still up and leave my bed during the night to go home.” Cosima reminds her. "Why?"  



	13. Chapter 13

“It doesn't matter.” Delphine tells her calmly.

“Oh it matters. It matters to me. Where do you sneak off at 4 am?”

“I just… I spend time alone and go to sleep in my own bed.” Delphine answers calmly. “I have a routine for my mornings, and my day goes much more smoothly if I follow it.”

“Not good enough.” Cosima tilts her head, leaning further into Delphine’s space.

“I’m just… I have trouble sleeping. And I don’t want to disturb you.” Delphine steps backwards, and it throws them both off balance for a moment.

“Are you smoking?” Cosima throws out finally. “Is it like a sneaky addiction thing?”

“I don’t smoke anymore.” Delphine tells her, but something seems off.

“Where are the cigarettes? Just like admit it, if it’s just smoking.” Cosima groans.

“OK. Sometimes I am smoking.” Delphine admits reluctantly. “Sometimes.”

“OK… so you can’t deal with the fact I know you’ve lapsed back onto cigarettes? It has to be ‘ _oh I don’t smoke Co-si-ma, I quit_ ’ and you just need to sneak around my back to smoke?” Cosima loses patience snapping. “Is it really worth lying to me about?”

“I do not sound like that.” Delphine argues. “And I _am_ trying to quit.”

“You totally do. It was an accurate impression. Why is smoking such a big deal? I smoke pot all the time. I mean, it’s not as bad for my lungs but… I am well aware that inhaling burning anything isn’t great. It’s why I vape too.” Cosima throws out angrily.

“I have a routine.” Delphine tells her finally, looking very firm. “And I prefer to keep it consistent. It… it helps me.”

“So you’re still on an SSRI?” Cosima looks at her, taking a quick guess. “So many people are on SSRIs, Delphine. It’s not a big deal. Hiding that is dumb. Just take your meds. I don’t care.”

Delphine shakes her head. “I am _not_ on an SSRI.”

“Lithium?” Cosima prompts, racking her brain. Is that it? Has she made a huge mistake not asking more about Delphine’s history? She’d thought it had been considerate not to pry. Were things still more serious than she had assumed? Was writing off Delphine’s mental health history a mistake?

“No. Not lithium. I am _not_ bipolar.” Delphine tells her firmly.

  
“Then what? What is so bad that you need to hide it?” Cosima feels herself losing patience. Maybe this had all been a huge mistake. Bubbling. Falling head over heels in love with Delphine. Making love to Delphine… Maybe she should have stopped when she saw the scars. Maybe she should have asked more questions.

Delphine stops, biting her lip. “I _was_ on an SSRI. For years. I am not anymore. And… I need my routine. I have trouble sleeping. And… I need to be consistent.”

“OK. So do your routine, and if you need to take your meds.” Cosima shrugs. “See your doctors. Whatever you have to do to be functional. I can guarantee you I am not going to try to get high on your medication. Or laugh at you. Or think any different of you.”  
  


“Can you pretend you don’t know?”  
  


“Why? So you don’t have to work me in or out of your routine?”

“So this can be… normal.” Delphine begs. “I… I just want this to be… perfect. And it has been perfect.”

“This is normal.” Cosima moves to grip one of Delphine’s hands in her own. “We’re dating during a pandemic. We’re…. We’re _falling in love_.” Cosima adds pleadingly. “Whatever else you have going on doesn’t erase that.”

“But it complicates it.” Delphine points out. “We don’t really talk about it.”

  
“Only because you’re getting out of my bed at night to go home. It’s not a walk-of-shame situation.” Cosima reminds her. “We’re two adults having consensual sex at one of our apartments. It’s not like your university days or whatever. No one cares if we are having sex.”

“I care.” 

“Well yeah, but you want it. We aren’t even going out anywhere… Like, no one has to know you’re having sex with me if you really don’t want them to. And … I don’t think you’re ready to be on a date with a woman in public. Not if you cannot even wake up next to me.” Cosima tries to mitigate her frustration but it pours from her mouth.

“That is not why! I am not ashamed of you. And… when we can go out again. I will prove it to you. We also got a noise complaint.” Delphine reminds her. 

“So we scream less. Or do it in your apartment.” Cosima shrugs. “No one cares that we’re two women.”

  
Delphine looks at her quietly, crossing her arms across her chest. “Why don’t we try something then.”

“Try what?”

“Sleeping in my bed. That way, even if I do get up. I will still be here. Even if I am working or ...smoking.” Delphine sighs.

“OK.” Cosima agrees. “I can agree to that. Shall we start with your date tomorrow? Is that still happening?”

“If you want it to, it is.” Delphine tells her. “I have some shopping to do for that now… you have work to do?”

“Always.” Cosima laughs, leaning in to give Delphine a quick kiss. She thinks of letting her fingers rub Delphine’s wrist, as some kind of reassurance but thinks better of it. “I’ll get to work and see you tomorrow.”

“Good. Don’t be late.” Delphine tells her softly.

  
“Oh I won’t be. I am expecting to be wined and dined.” Cosima laughs. “Later, Delphine.”

“À bientôt.” Delphine tells her, giving her a soft kiss on the mouth.   
  


* * *

  
  


_Day 57_

Cosima is seven minutes late knocking on Delphine’s door. And it shouldn’t really matter, but she finds herself feeling nervous. She’d dressed up for dinner and had taken several different dresses before deciding on one. 

“You’re late, Cosima.” Delphine opens the door with a smile. Cosima sees the long dress and grins, Delphine’s arms are exposed, and she seems almost confident looking back at her.

“Kind of always late, kind of always sorry.” Cosima quips with a smile. “Can I still come in?”

“Of course.” Delphine moves to let her enter the apartment. Two large white candles are lit on the table. A snacky meal is prepared for them, veggie spring rolls and dipping sauces with two glasses of water. Maybe it’s a first course? Maybe Delphine wanted something light. Either way, it feels suddenly perfect. 

“I wasn’t expecting that.” Cosima smiles, and leans in to give Delphine a soft kiss. It’s returned immediately.

“Good.” Delphine smiles widely back at her. “I think I need to keep you on your toes a little more. My couch hasn’t arrived yet.”

“That’s OK. We don’t need a couch. You have a wonderfully comfortable bed.” She eats and it’s suddenly easy again, looking at Delphine in the flickering candlelight. 

“So what have you been up to in the last…. Oh 30 hours?” Cosima leans in grinning madly.

“Preparing for this.” Delphine laughs. “I did a bit of work on my dissertation. Went through my case files and organized them.”

“Mmmm… Delphine Cormier, you are full of surprises.”   
  
Delphine blushes. “I am trying. How are the kittens?”

“They are starting to roam. I am finding kittens in weird places now. I am legitimately afraid I am going to step on one all the time. I need like… a kitten playpen? Or something?” Cosima jokes. “I don’t think Kiki would be happy about it though. I try to cuddle them everyday. Scott says he wants them well-socialized.”

“We should get them more toys.” Delphine muses. “Maybe for Kiki too…”

“We can… tomorrow. Tonight, it’s just you and me. No 21 day old kittens. No Kiki… No neighbours with too much time on their hands and no ear plugs.”

“Cosima!” Delphine laughs, dipping another spring roll before munching it delicately.

“Dance with me?”

“I thought this was my night.” Delphine mocks playfully. “I planned this date.”

Cosima nods. “What do you want to do then?”

“Dance with me.” Delphine prompts, standing, but she keeps her distance, almost teasingly. She keeps her hand on Cosima’s hip, maintaining a mere six inches of distance. 

“Closer.” Cosima urges, wondering what else Delphine has planned for her that she’d resist. Delphine gives in and she pulls her in, pulling her down to kiss. She’s intently massaging Delphine’s lips with her own when she feels it. A bulge, likely silicone in origin, attached to Delphine.

“Delphine?” Cosima breaks the kiss, unable to stop herself from laughing. “Are you… packing?”

“Oui.” Delphine grins and her and quickly raises her eyebrows. 

“Oh my god…” Cosima laughs. Cosima reaches for the hem of the dress. “Can I?”

Delphine laughs and turns around, letting her unfasten the dress before pulling it down, letting it fall to the floor where the black fabric pools around slender legs. There is no bra, small firm breasts immediately bare to her eyes, a smattering of increasingly familiar moles across Delphine’s back.

Cosima finds the grey fabric familiar, even pulled down to secure the dildo into place. Her hands go to Delphine’s hips, leaning in to kiss her exposed skin along her shoulder blade. 

“Is that my rodeoh harness?” Cosima recognizes it, even partially pulled down.

“Yes. It is. I figured it would fit. Probably.” Delphine explains. “I borrowed it from your drawer a couple days ago.”

“It...does fit.” Cosima notes, looking down as Delphine turns. Delphine packing is not something she thought she’d see. The dildo is new, bright and multicoloured, light blue with a small rainbow across the middle. Cosima briefly wonders what Delphine’s selection criteria was. It certainly wasn’t particularly realistic. 

“I ordered it online....” Delphine explains between kisses. “You… you like this, right?”

“Yeah, yeah of course.” Cosima assures Delphine, even as she’s pulling her backwards towards the bedroom, which was prepared for them. Sheets turned down and a couple towels laid on top of the sheets. 

“I wish I met you sooner.” Delphine whispers into her ear between kisses. Delphine lays down, she lets Cosima prop her up on the pillows. She lifts her dress and grinds against Delphine. This plan surprises her more than Cosima is willing to admit.

“Why?” Cosima is quickly lifting off her own clothes. She throws her dress behind them, her undergarments both a deep red she leans over Delphine who continues undressing her eagerly. She pulls up the rodeoh harness, fixing the strap-on back into it. 

  
She grins down at Delphine who reaches for her hips, undressing her before pulling her on top to hover above the toy. But when hands move to push her hips down she has to slow this down.

“Wait, wait…Fingers first. Fingers first.” Cosima insists, stopping Delphine. “You need to work me up.”

“Alright.” Delphine agrees, resuming her kisses. Delphine kisses her, sucking at her breasts as she strokes her and Cosima has to admit, Delphine is getting good at it. Brilliantly good at it, Cosima moans, rolling her hips, 

“I want to be inside you.” Delphine croons, gripping Cosima’s hips tightly. “It’s amazing how much I want it.”

“So be inside me.” Cosima urges her, letting her fingers probe and dive deep. She takes them easily with a low groan. She rides Delphine’s fingers smiling, leaning down to kiss her, admiring Delphine, and her efforts to please her. She hadn’t seen this particular activity going this way, and she cannot deny her excitement. She lets Delphine take her over the edge to a quick but satisfying orgasm. 

“I thought… I thought you’d want the toy. Your book was full of scenes like this.” Delphine tells her softly. “But I love making love to you like this too.

  
“I do. Now I am ready for it.” Cosima lifts herself off Delphine’s fingers and grips the multicoloured dildo. She moves to take in the toy. It’s not big, Delphine had clearly been cautious about her selection. It’s not as easy as she expects there’s a burn with the stretch. She stops, easing off for the moment. “I just need a minute.”

“Are you OK?” Delphine appears concerned at her slow process. “Does it hurt? Is it too big for you?”

“Yeah… It’s not too big. I just need to take this slowly.” Cosima assures her. “It’s been a while for me.” Longer than she really wants to admit, but she knows she’ll adapt again.

Delphine licks her lips, but looks concerned watching Cosima slowly sink down, easing off and trying again to take it in.

“Uuuggghhh.” Cosima groans, raising her hips to sink down a little deeper. It’s not comfortable yet, but she’s determined. Also determined to make this as hot as possible for Delphine. She wants to show Delphine that this is good. That it was a great idea. 

“Tu es belle, Cosima.” Delphine whines at her, biting her lip. But she keeps her hips motionless, letting Cosima set the pace. 

She raises and lowers her hips, and Delphine sits half-reclined, gripping her ass tightly as she moves. “This is so hot, Delphine.” It is like something out of her smutty book. Only better.  
  
“It is.” Delphine agrees, watching her with hazel eyes that seem to roam to take it all in.

Cosima whimpers but continues to move. “Do you like it?”

“I mean… I cannot feel it. Of course.” Delphine explains. “But the way you look. The way I know it’s inside of you… even though part of me wants to be using my fingers. It’s… I like it.” 

Cosima raises and lowers herself. “You feel so good. Either way. You’re filling me.” Her body is adjusting and the slow rhythm they’re establishing feels good. She moves a little faster, moans more. 

Delphine’s hands keep her close, clutching at her hips. “Oh, mon amour!”

Cosima moans hoarsely, her volume increasing as Delphine gently presses upwards, intensifying their rhythm. “Delphine!” She knows she’s too loud, that she’s gripping Delphine too hard. 

She approaches climax again rapidly, it threatens to overwhelm her. Cosima knows she’s being loud, but she cannot help it. She wonders how this looks to Delphine. If she’s enjoying it, if she can tell how close she’s getting by her body’s resistance to their gentle movements.

She’s exhausted by the time she comes. She lifts off of the toy and collapses next to Delphine in bed. Leaning in to hold Delphine, wanting to be close. Wanting to stroke, and love and adore Delphine. Wanting to return the favour.

“Are you hungry?” Delphine runs her fingers through dreads, now loosened and down. “Our food should arrive shortly.”

“Arrive?” Cosima looks up. “So the veggie spring rolls were… an appetizer?”

“Oui. To tide you over.” Delphine smiles at her, leaning in. “I ordered dinner to arrive for 8 pm. To give us time.”

“What about… you?” Cosima glances at the clock. “We have time.” Cosima moves down her body, noticing the toy glistening with her own fluids she leans out and licks it. Looking up hoping to see arousal that will encourage her to continue this game, she sees only surprise. So much for that.

“But why?” Delphine furrows her brow, confused by her actions.

“Cause it’s fun? Because you might find it hot?” Cosima shrugs and goes to remove the harness, sliding the fabric off Delphine’s legs, she tosses it onto the floor, dildo still threaded through.

Delphine watches her go down on her, eyes intently focused on her own until it overwhelms her. She brings Delphine to three perfect successive climaxes in her mouth. Savouring her taste, letting her gush her pleasure. 

“You’re incredible.” Cosima smiles into soft skin. 

Finally she curls around Delphine content, being kissed, being loved. And maybe, maybe she was wrong. Maybe Delphine could give her everything she needed. Maybe they both could. 

“Gorgeous.” Cosima murmurs at her lover. 

“I should get our food.” Delphine kisses her softly, apologetically before climbing out of the bed.

Cosima watches relaxed from the bed while Delphine throws her dress back on. 

She throws on Delphine’s robe when she hears her girlfriend return.

“This is not UberEats.” Cosima remarks.

“No, it’s from a modern French restaurant I went to once before shutdown. Luckily they do takeout. I had a friend pick it up for us. ” Delphine grins at her. 

“This looks incredible.” Cosima observes the various containers. Appetizers. Soups. Bread. Everything smells amazing.

“This one is vegetarian.” Delphine passes her the labelled container.

Cosima moans as she tastes her food. It’s ridiculous, beautifully plated, delicious, unexpected. “This is amazing. The second best thing I’ve tasted all day.” The realization that Delphine has purposefully set out to spoil her pleases her immensely.

“Non, ma chérie. It is the best. There is no way you prefer….me to this.” Delphine laughs at her, helping herself to her own meal.

Cosima looks across the table mischievously. “Well maybe I need another taste, for comparison.”

Delphine blushes and smiles madly at her. “After we eat, I was thinking we could cuddle in my bed and watch a movie. Or...we could make love again if you want, if you’re not sore.”

“I’m here all night. We don’t have to choose one.” Cosima reminds her. She’s a little sore but that’s not necessarily going to stop her from getting what she wants.

“Non. You don’t have to choose. You can have both.” Delphine agrees, dipping her bread into her soup. 

* * *

_Day 59_

  
  


Cosima is still on the floor, waiting for her painkillers to kick in when the door swings open to reveal Delphine with a bag full of what looks like cat toys. The kittens run around her apartment, all stubby legs and little tails. Kiki keeping a good watch on them, mostly.

“Cosima? Cosima? What’s wrong?” Delphine rushes over to her as soon as she spies her bent over on the couch.

“I’m on my period.” Cosima mumbles out. “It’s fine. It just sucks sometimes. I probably have endometriosis.”

“Did you take anything for it?”

“Hasn’t kicked in yet. It’ll take the edge off. Unless I end up puking it up.” Cosima moans, clutching her heating pad to her midsection.

“I’ll take care of you.” Delphine assures her. “Tea?”

“Yeah. Tea would be nice.” Cosima mumbles. 

“I’ll make you soup too. Something not exciting.” Delphine offers. 

“I might smoke up. You don’t mind?”

“Non, of course not.” Delphine tells her. “I’ll make you tea.”

Cosima lets herself get just a bit stoned but it too just takes the edge off. She lays on the couch, pukes at least once and lets Delphine take care of her. She watches Delphine play with the kittens, picking them up and stroking their fur.

“They’ll be well socialized.” Cosima murmurs.

“I’m trying.” Delphine laughs. “Your friend does want them to be well handled.”

“Do you want lunch?” Delphine offers, “I can start the soup. I’m feeling a little off too.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll thaw the minestrone.” Delphine leaves briefly, returning to leave a large glass container in her sink, running some warm water over it. 

“You’re very hot when you make me soup.” Cosima props herself off.

“I didn’t realize your periods made you so ill,” Delphine sits next to her, biting her lip.

“It’s fine.” Cosima assures her. “I tried to get tests done but they just try to put me on the pill. No thanks.”

“You didn’t try that?”

“No. Not really going to get pregnant so don’t need contraceptives.” Cosima answers. “Besides I’m not interested in masking symptoms. It won’t help my case for testing.”

“I hated being on the pill.” Delphine makes a face. “I felt worse. But some people love it.” Delphine shrugs.

“Well, you may not need it ever again.” Cosima reminds her, shifting to sit up.

“I feel off.” Delphine stands up. “I’ll be back.”

Cosima looks up after her. “I really hope it’s not food poisoning… I don’t think we’ve eaten anything questionable.”

Delphine vanishes into her bathroom and she sighs. Cosima gets up and begins heating up the soup. It takes longer than she expects so she decides to call after Delphine.

“Do you want bread too? We have some.” Cosima hollers across the apartment. “Are you OK?”

“My period started.” Delphine tells her in surprise, coming back from the bathroom. “It’s… early.”

“We synched up. Happens sometimes.” Cosima tells her. This, this could be fun. Cosima muses. It’s been awhile since she synched up with a lover. There are definite advantages.

“With all your girlfriends?” Delphine’s brow furrows again. “Does this usually happen?”

“Some. More when I was younger. Others? We never synched up.” Cosima looks over at her. “Are you OK?”  
  


“I’ll take a couple tylenol. I’ll be fine.” Delphine leans in for a soft kiss. “I guess that means no love making this week.”  
  


“It means no love making today unless I’m feeling better. Maybe not tomorrow. But… I am going to have you on your period, eventually.” Cosima tells her bluntly. She cannot help but look forward to ovulation, knowing that they’ll have each other in a frenzy for days. That she’ll be able to get deep, maybe try something more intense then. A toy? Her entire hand? Cosima smiles at the thought, they likely have a while to decide.

“But… we’re both bleeding.”

“So? We’ll do it in the shower.”

“But why do you want it now?” 

“Because I want to be with you.” Cosima sighs. “It’s sensitive, it’s intimate.”

“It’ll be incredibly messy.”

“Shower.” Cosima reminds her. “Eat lunch and shower with me. I’ll show you.”

“But you’re in pain.” Delphine protests.

“Nah, that part only lasts a few hours.” Cosima assures her. “I’m good to go, if you are.”

Delphine looks back at her, considering her options. “OK.”

* * *

“Come on.” Cosima urges Delphine once she’s in shower. It eases her cramps and Delphine strips down and follows her in.

“If you’re wearing a tampon, take it out.” Cosima sighs, kissing along Delphine’s cheek to her ear. 

“I’m not, yet.” Delphine tells her. And she kisses her, between Delphine’s kisses and the hot spray of the shower she’s aroused quickly.

“Let’s just try this. Another new thing.” Cosima urges, as she sucks Delphine’s earlobe.

She strokes Delphine gently, fingers toying at the edge of her sex. 

Delphine is leaned back against the cool tile, moaning as she slowly works two fingers into her.

“You’re so sensitive right now. It’s so hot!” Cosima assures her.

“And the blood?” Delphine looks down between them, the mess of red between her legs being slowly washed away by the water. 

“It’s just blood.” Cosima assures her. “It’s normal.” And it’s hot, Delphine is sensitive, so responsive against her hand. She doesn’t try to use her mouth, doesn’t think Delphine is anywhere near ready to let her attempt that now. But this, this is more than enough.

Delphine clutches her, she’s easily roused, climaxes quickly onto her hand, spray of fluid quickly washed away. 

“So hot.” Cosima affirms, and begins moving slowly again. “Tell me if you get too sore.”  
  
“No… you feel really good.” Delphine murmurs, letting Cosima take her.

“I love you.” Cosima mumbles out, moving to kiss her neck. “I love you, Delphine.” She feels her words excite Delphine, putting her back on the edge and the climax that follows seems to rock both of their bodies. They sink to their knees under the warm spray of the shower.

“I love you…” Cosima repeats, pulling Delphine in for a kiss. 

Delphine doesn’t respond in words, just pulls their mouths together, fingers gently going to return the favour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween. Starting tomorrow I attempt NaNoWriMo for the first time ever. So... I probably shouldn't write much fic. No idea if I will stick to that. I do intend to finish this story.


	14. Chapter 14

_ Day 60 _

“Cosima…” Delphine’s voice murmurs into her ear. Cosima stretches in her sleep. She’s still cramping but finds she feels content enough. Cuddled up here in her bed with Delphine.

“What time is it?”

“It’s not even 4 am.” Delphine sighs, snuggling happily into Cosima’s back, clad in nothing but her underwear.

“You’re still here.” Cosima mutters happily.

“I am.” Delphine laughs slightly, then sobers in her arms. “Je t’aime.”

Cosima smiles, feeling utterly content. “I… I think I knew that.” 

“Bien.”

“But… it feels good to hear it.” Cosima admits, turning to face Delphine.

“I… I don’t say it often. But… it’s never been more true.” Delphine smiles, leaning in to kiss her, lips meeting and clinging readily. 

“Mmmm.” The brunette stretches again. “It’s  _ very _ sexy. I’d like to hear it more often.”

Delphine leans in, nuzzling her with her nose. “You are very sexy.” 

“Oooh flattery.” She grins in response. “So are you going to let me go down on you next?”

Delphine’s eyes widen and she laughs uncertainly. “Not while I am bleeding, Cosima. A few more days, and you can go down on me again.”

“I can live with that, for now.” Cosima smirks, kissing her again.

“How are you feeling?”

“Still cramping a little. I’ll be OK.” Cosima promises. 

“I can’t believe it’s May.” Delphine sighs, cuddling back in.

“Me neither. But at least we can find toilet paper and more dry goods.” Cosima responds. “I read they’re loosening restrictions other places a little. Not in Toronto though. It’ll… it’ll be a while for us.”

“At least it’s getting warmer.” Delphine tells her softly, toying with a stray dreadlock. “We should be able to do things outside. Maybe, maybe patios will open. And we can go out on a date.”

“I’d like that. A lot.” Cosima smiles.

“Me too.” Delphine assures her. “Mon amour…” She croons and Cosima melts, finding herself content to just lay in Delphine’s arms.

“I am so in love with you.” Cosima says, trying to find the right words. Trying to express this.

  
But she is kissed intensely in response. And Delphine stays all night. And it is enough. More than enough.

* * *

_ Day 64 _

“I have something I need to talk to you about.” Delphine says one lazy afternoon. They made love after lunch, in the shower and had mostly cuddled and half worked after that. Parked on their laptops on Cosima's couch.  


  
“Let’s take a walk. It’s warmish now.” Cosima offers, and they move quickly out of the building. Eager to get some distance, not from each other, but from the building they'd spend most of the last two months in. The garden maintained by one of the first floor residents are beginning to bloom and it briefly draws their attention.

  
“I cannot believe someone takes the time to do this.” Delphine looks around the various plants and flowers.”   
  


“For the last two years, it’s been the same.” Cosima tells her. “I don’t know who actually maintains it. Ooh someone is having a nice afternoon.” She remarks at the scent of pot.

“Hello!” A lanky young man in his mid-twenties waves at them. “I think it was time we actually met. I’m Felix. From 302.” The lanky young man tells them both, cornering them outside the building. He sits, smoking what is definitely marijuana on the bench. 

“Hello Felix. I’m Delphine.” Delphine waves awkwardly, moving a little closer to Cosima as she does so.

  
“Yes… the screamer.” Felix nods, “And you, I’ve seen you before. You’re Cosima Niehaus.”

  
Delphine frowns awkwardly. But Cosima quickly gives her hand a squeeze, the second comment catches her attention more than the first. And she doubts it’s just the C. Niehaus listing on the buzzer near the door.

  
“We’ve… met?” Cosima stops, unsure. “I… I don’t remember meeting you. I’ve like… seen you in the hall sometimes. But not really since the pandemic started.”

“I’m not always home. I get out. A little.” Felix smirks. “You two have enough entertainment at home. I.. do not. So… I get out.” 

“You’re cruising!?” Cosima looks at Felix, putting it together fairly quickly.

“Yeah. I go down to Long Branch, there’s a park there.” Felix admits. 

“Does it start with Marie?” Cosima asks. She’d heard things about that park being a bit of a cruising hotspot. But she didn’t exactly hang out in the queer student union much these days. Or at all really, since her PhD started.

“How do you know this?” Delphine looks over at Cosima. “What even is cruising?”

Felix rolls his eyes. “It’s gay men or… men looking for male sex partners meeting and having discreet public sex in parks. These days it’s more like public wanking. Or very weird masked sex.”

Cosima shrugs, raising her hands and her shoulders. “I’ve been around the city awhile. You...get to know things.”

“Like where gay men meet to have sex?” Delphine looks quizzically at her. “Do… do lesbians do that too? Is cruising common?”

Cosima winces a little, having a suspicion on where this conversation will lead.

“Oh wow…” Felix looks between them, reading the situation with surprising speed. “Delphine… is a straight girl? Or rather a ‘ _ straight _ ’ girl?”

Cosima and Delphine glance at each other. “That’s up in the air right now.” Cosima answers, not intending on giving much away.

Delphine snorts before she responds, seemingly intent on correcting this assumption. “Not anymore.”

“Oooh. You have been busy. Your reputation is well deserved.” Felix teases her, happily. “Do you have any pot?”

“Umm yeah?” Cosima says. “It’s… legal. Just like...order your own online. Where do you know me from?” She is certain. At least 80% certain that she has never met Felix, the most she’s seen of him is in the hallway or when occasionally they check their mail at the same time.

“Uhh over a year ago.... You were at Bobbi’s party? At the bar?” Felix tries to jog her memory.

  
“OK umm… which time? Because I went to quite a few of her parties. Her boyfriend is in this band with… oh  _ that  _ party.” Cosima remembers suddenly and stops. The party she’d been caught drunkenly having sex first with Shay, and then later Tasha, in the unisex bathroom. That was one memory she did not need to relive.

  
“Yeah.” Felix laughs. “That one. And you’ve clearly been showing Delphine here the time of her life.”

“What party?” Delphine looks between the two of them. “What are you talking about?”

“It was in a bar… and a lot of people were there. And I had too much to drink…” Cosima trails off. “And I had been smoking pot.”

“She was having sex in the bathroom.” Felix summarizes. “Twice. Two different girls. One night. And when I asked Bobbi she just shrugged and said Cosima had serious game.”

“Wow.” Cosima sighs. “I kind of wanted to float that whole slutty Cosima story a lot softer.”

“Two girls in one night?” Delphine repeats, eyes wide.

  
“Not at the same time.” Cosima corrects. “One… and then some hours later… the other one. I’m not proud of it. There was a lot of substance use. And they were both my exes.”

  
Felix looks at them. “We might as well start playing never have I ever.”

“OK. I’m bored enough.” Cosima agrees.

  
“I’ll play.” Delphine says, though Cosima is uncertain that Delphine knows what she is agreeing to.

  
“So you know the rules?” Felix looks to Delphine. “You say something you’ve never done, Never have I ever stole a car, for example… and then the others have to drink if they have.”

“We don’t have booze.” Cosima points out. “We could play sober instead. First one to have ten things loses. I’ll start… never have I ever sucked a dick.” 

“Lesbians.” Felix rolls his eyes. Puts up one finger on his left hand. “Come up with something more interesting next time.”

Delphine puts up one finger, looking unperturbed. “I am guessing it is sexual things?”

“Not exclusively.” Cosima says. “I just… well I like winning and that was an easy one.” If she is strategic enough, she may be able to knock both Delphine and Felix out of this game. But it’ll take strategy. Otherwise she suspects Delphine will win.

“Me next.” Felix laughs. “Never have I ever kissed a girl.”

“Well that’s a cheap shot.” Cosima sighs, putting up a finger. Delphine does as well. 

“So was sucking a dick.” Felix stares her down.

Delphine shakes her head unbothered. “Moving on… Never have I ever had sex in public.” Delphine throws out, knowing she’d caught both of them.

“Ooh, she’s good.” Felix puts up another finger.

  
“Yeah.” Cosima does the same. “Um… never have I ever stolen a car?” She was lousy at this game, if people knew her well enough, and privately suspected Delphine would probably win. 

“Non.” Delphine laughs.

  
“Ah… nope. Petty theft only. And that was only because of my sister.” Felix winces. “Never have I ever…slept with a French girl.”

“Low shot man.” Cosima looks at him annoyed and raises a finger. “That was targeted just at me.”

  
“You’re easier than Delphine here.” Felix shrugs. “And I like winning too.”

  
Delphine looks them both over and then smiles. “Never have I ever had a threesome.”

“Oooh.” Felix raises a finger laughing as he watches Cosima do the same. “You’re nearly as bad as me.”

“Never have I ever had sex for money.” Cosima stares him down, grinning when he raises a finger. She’d had her suspicions before, occasionally seen strange men in the hallway. But it hadn’t been confirmed until now.

  
“That is a cheap shot against sex workers. And I will have you know, I am also an artist.” Felix looks to Delphine. “What about you?”

“What counts as having sex for money?” Delphine looks at both of them. “If I had sex with an older man for several months, while we dated, but he gave me a lot of gifts… does that count as sex work?”   
  


“Umm only you can decide that.” Cosima looks at Delphine. That would be a weird revelation but nothing she doesn’t deserve for agreeing to this game.

“If it was your intention to be his sugar baby, then yes, that is sex work. If the poor bastard just wanted to spoil you or buy your affections - no.” Felix summarizes quickly.

“Not my intention, no.” Delphine doesn’t put up a finger. She probably will win, Cosima realizes.

  
Felix looks between them again. “Never have I ever lived with a partner.”

“Fuck.” Cosima sighs, putting up another finger. “Yep. I have done that. A long time ago. Probably not for the best reasons.”

“Toronto’s expensive.” Felix nods wisely at her. “And next, Delphine?”

  
“Nope.” Delphine looks back at Felix directly. “Never have I ever loved a man.”

“Oh you two are complicated.” Felix smirks. “But no, never have I ever been in love.”

“It was my turn.” Cosima whines, putting up another finger, smiling as she watches Delphine do the same. Her thoughts of targeting Delphine’s history of heterosexuality instead to win immediately fade, she doesn’t want to do that anymore.

“Oh this is unfair. People are suffering, isolated in their homes. And you two ridiculous lesbians have been having sex and falling in love.” Felix shakes his head. “Let’s call it. Delphine wins. If we keep going the only question is which one of us takes the other down.”

“Unless we can target questions at Delphine.” Cosima agrees.

  
“That is unfair. And I won’t play if you do that.” Delphine tells her quickly.

“Fine.” Cosima nods. “We’re supposed to go on a walk anyway.”

“Bye Felix.” Delphine stands up, and moves to follow Cosima.

“Bye… maybe I’ll see you two later.” Felix continues. “And keep it down!”

Delphine giggles, pulling Cosima away.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” Cosima asks playfully. Delphine’s legs are long and she walks quickly. She has to skip a bit to keep up. 

“I have to meet with my advisor.” Delphine grimaces. “We will be outside and distanced. But… he wants to meet in person. In his backyard. He has a townhouse in Mimico. I’ll… I’ll have to take the train.”

“Are you seriously going to go?” Cosima asks. “When?”

“Well… Felix has been cruising. This… this will be entirely work related.” Delphine assures her. “Tomorrow morning, around 11am.”

  
“Except I’m like 90% sure Dr. Leekie wants to sleep with you.” Cosima points out agitated. “And you’re going to his house.” She isn’t happy about it, and she knows it shows. 

  
“Well, good thing I do not want to sleep with him. Or you’d have a problem.” Delphine deadpans.

“OK. Do you want me to come with you?” Cosima offers. She could definitely sass the hell out of Dr. Leekie if need be.

“Non.” Delphine shakes her head. “It would be very weird if I brought my girlfriend to my dissertation meeting.”

“OK, fine.” Cosima nods. “I’ll have Kiki and her offspring for company then.”

“You will. You’ll be fine.” Delphine assures her, leaning in to give her a quick kiss.

“I guess I could go see Scott… masked and at a distance.” Cosima considers. “But that won’t get anything done except cat advice.”   
  


“Do you need cat advice?” 

“Maybe?” Cosima shrugs. “If we are seeing people outside at a distance now. It might be good. Probably less fun than never have I ever with Felix.”

“I assume it is more fun with alcohol.” Delphine leans in laughing.

“Way more fun.” Cosima nods. “Next time.”

“Would you really have targeted me to win?”

“That would be a lot harder than targeting Felix. Plus you’ve probably done a lot of the same stuff he has.” Cosima rolls her eyes. “I was going to lose that game. Last time I played I managed to win. I’m not sure how.”

“True.” Delphine nods. “Maybe not all. And it probably depends who you play with.”

“Mmm my squeaky clean girlfriend.” Cosima leans in.

  
“I did have a life before you, Cosima.” Delphine reminds her. “And it wasn’t all bad.”

“Until my hot ass came along you hadn’t had sex in over three years.” Cosima teases in a singsong voice. Besides, reminding herself of that made her feel better about Delphine’s meeting with Leekie. 


	15. Chapter 15

_ Day 73 _

Cosima sighs happily, just enjoying a morning with Delphine. They had both been so busy lately, trying to get other things done. Being climbed on by kittens was a perfectly good pastime, when one was with Delphine.

“Ils sont adorables.” Delphine coos at the tiny felines. And they are cute, Cosima has to admit. All tiny legs and little tails sticking up as they played and practiced pouncing.

“These kittens are going to be gone soon. Enjoy them while you can.” Cosima reminds Delphine, waving a feather wand toy around with each hand as the five week old kittens leap and bat at it. Even Kiki plays, trying to teach her kittens how.

“But… won’t they stay until they all find homes? All of them? They are still so little.” Delphine looks immediately distraught at the thought.

“Scott called last night. They’re all going to the vet tomorrow for vaccines and a thorough check up.” Cosima tells her. “I also finally named all of them with Scott last night. Until now they’ve been numbered.”

“You’ve named them?”

“Yeah.” Cosima nods. “Scott said it was better to pick weird names so I don’t want to keep any. I told him that won’t be a problem.”

“So what are they named?” Delphine looks up from cuddling what is probably her favourite of the kittens, a fluffy black and white tuxedo. “This one is such a mama’s boy.” Delphine comments, pausing to stroke Kiki as well. 

  
“You’re holding Fog.” Cosima tells her. “The others are Cumulus, Stratus, Cirrus, and Nimbus.” 

“Types of clouds?” Delphine looks back at her perplexed.

“They’re fluffy. Even the two tabbies. Plus now that they’re named they’ll go up on the rescue’s Facebook page and people will be clamoring to take these little dudes off our hands.” Cosima tells her.

Delphine’s face falls. “But… what about Kiki?”

“After these guys are weaned… they’re supposed to be weaned… She’ll go get spayed, recover here and then hopefully someone wants her.” Cosima looks at Kiki who has flopped over and is letting Fog, who has scrambled out of Delphine’s loving arms to nurse again. A couple of the other kittens go to join the milk bar and she shrugs. “Isn’t Kiki supposed to wean them?”

“They eat food now. They’ll stop eventually.” Delphine points out. “Do we really have to get rid of  _ all _ of them?”

“Delphine. We are not keeping six cats in my apartment. They  _ are  _ going to their new homes, probably in pairs, Scott said. Which is good for them. I think.”

“You named beautiful kittens after clouds.” Delphine looks at her accusingly. “Why didn’t you let me name them?”

“Uhh... you didn’t ask.” Cosima wonders privately if Delphine has gotten far too attached to their little cat family. “Also Scott vetoed calling them Sativa, Indica, Haze, Northern Lights and Blue Dream.”

“Euh… Good.” Delphine responds. “It would be inappropriate. I am sure families looking for kittens wouldn’t be thrilled.”

  
“It’s legal here.” Cosima tells her smugly. “I can smoke as much as I want. Zero penalties.” Admittedly, she’d done less and less as her relationship with Delphine had progressed. Still a good way to unwind some nights though.

“Je sais.” Delphine sighs with a playful smile, leaning over to kiss her girlfriend. 

“So… I will pack these guys up to go early tomorrow and Scott’s coming to get them. They’ll be back in the evening.”

“He has a car?” Delphine brightens. 

  
“He does… why?”

  
“I just… think it might be useful.”

“Uhh if we could actually like ride in it with him without breaking social distancing? Yeah. But until restrictions loosen a bit we’re out of luck. But he’ll be the cat taxi, so that’s good.”

“We may be out of luck a long long time.” Delphine looks at her somberly.

  
“Quarantine brought me you, at least.” Cosima grins. “I am not sure we would have gotten the chance to know each other if not for this.”

“Oh we would have. We’d have met here or on campus. It might have been slower in some ways. But this would have always happened.”

“You sound very confident there Delphine.”

“I am.” Delphine nods. “You and I… we’re inevitable.” This touches her heart, and Cosima suspects it’s meant too thought their sex frequency had decreased a little as they both spent more time working on their dissertations, and Delphine with her private clients.

“Mmmm… let’s toss more toys at these kittens and go to my bedroom and shut them out.” Cosima drops her voice teasingly. The door closing to avoid kittens jumping up and peering at them while they are getting busy is now a must. It was a mood killer to have a cat stare at her while she was trying to go down on Delphine, nevermind a kitten jump on top of her during the act.

“I can’t stay.” Delphine tells her apologetically. “I said spend the morning together, and I meant morning. I have to go.”

  
Cosima tries to suppress the flash of anger that comes. “Another meeting with Dr. Leekie?” Cosima grumbles.

  
“Yes.” Delphine confirms. “I was going to walk first. But I have to meet him again, he wants to discuss my fourth chapter in detail.”

“Isn’t that the one about working in multiple languages?”

  
“Yes.” Delphine sighs.

“See? He’s still at it. He knows you’re not going to agree with him. And you’re the only one between the two of you who has worked in more than one language.” Cosima looks at her scathingly. “He wants to  _ fuck _ you. You know that right?”

“Cosima!” Delphine looks at her annoyed. 

“That’s why he keeps trying to get you to stay for lunch. And go to his house. And two meetings in a week is weird.” Cosima opts to confront Delphine directly. “It bothers me.”

“Cosima… whatever Aldous does or does not want. It is not happening. I told him I was seeing someone.”

“You did?” Cosima perks up.

  
“Yes. It came up when he said he was lonely. And appreciated having my company even if only on his back deck.”

“Well… good.” Cosima breathes. That was something anyway. “Does he know I’m a woman?” Admittedly, she wants to know that. Wants Dr. Aldous Leekie to know Delphine is involved with a woman, mostly because she suspects it’d make him back off, realize Delphine was unattainable.

“Why don’t you come with me this time? You can see how very boring it all is.” Delphine tells her dryly. “I won’t even go in to use the washroom, because of social distancing. So there’s that.”

“Right… OK. You go. Dinner tonight?” Cosima tries to push her concern from her mind.

“I would love to.” Delphine assures her. “Homemade or takeout?”

“Hmm you decide, just text me. I am kind of feeling Thai food.” 

“Thai food sounds wonderful. Just get us a few vegetarian dishes to share. Je t’aime ma chérie.” Delphine leans in to give her a soft kiss, before proceeding to pet every kitten once and then moves to leave.

“So it’s just you and me, fluffballs.” Cosima looks around at the kittens. She moves to stand, to make herself some lunch and tea and try to get back to her studies.

  
“Owww…” Cosima yelps as Nimbus leaps onto her jeans and begins trying to climb her. “Oww… what are you doing?” Tiny claws grip as Nimbus tries to climb up her leg. She quickly scoops him up and puts him back on the floor.

“Neither you or I are ready for that buddy.” Cosima tells the kitten, sighing. She should have seen this coming, kittens trying to climb her. The couch. The curtains… She imagined briefly what the next few weeks would hold until the kittens went to their new homes.

  
Cosima begins trying to work, she drafts an email twice to her advisor before she is happy with it. But she feels tense, unsatisfied. Maybe she should have initiated with Delphine early this morning. Maybe that is what she wants. She considers meeting her own sexual needs, but wants to wait for Delphine. Satisfying herself is less satisfying than usual. Which probably means she wasn’t just after an orgasm.

She wants Delphine. Delphine’s attention. Delphine’s love. Delphine’s body.

Cosima groans audibly looking over at her computer. She better get back to work.

* * *

“C’est parfait.” Delphine tells her over dinner later that evening. “This… this is delicious.”

“It is…” Cosima grins. “I made sure to get it from a good spot.”

“So… what did you want to do tonight?” Delphine looks across the table, seeming rather flirtatious for the moment.

“I want to make love to you for hours.” Cosima tells her bluntly. “I want to show you how much I want you. How you make me feel.” She leaves out that she’s approached mid cycle and is feeling generally horny.

Delphine merely smiles. “Oui. On peut.”   
  


“Good.” Cosima groans. “I am very eager.”

“You were the one who implied we were having too much sex.” Delphine reminds her. “So I eased off.”

“Yeah I was totally wrong about the too much sex thing. What was I thinking.” Cosima states very seriously. “Could go for more.”

Delphine laughs openly, and takes another bite of one of the vegetable dishes. “This is delicious.”

“It is… all vegetarian. All fantastic. All for us.” Cosima grins. “I’ll take you there in person someday.”   
  


“Someday.” Delphine nods. “I wish we could. I am sick of the pandemic.”

  
“We all are, babe. All of us.” Cosima sighs. “But they’re working on vaccines, and maybe, maybe they’ll have something before 2021.”

“If they do it’ll be the fastest one ever.” Delphine acknowledges. She glances over, seeing the kittens asleep on the couch with Kiki. And she smiles. “There’s hope.”

  
“Yeah. Yeah but we can hope. All the official news says some level of restrictions until then, so we’re all bent on it.”

“Yes.”

“But that’s enough pandemic for one night…” Cosima smirks, she stands up to clear her plate and pack away the leftovers. She doesn’t tell Delphine that she’s made dessert, that she’s prepared in case sex makes Delphine hungry again.

She pulls out the harness, dangling it where Delphine can see. “Are you in the mood for this?”

“I can be.” Delphine agrees easily. “But… it has been a  _ long _ time, Cosima.”

“I will be like, super gentle.” Cosima promises. “And I’ll work you up first, it’ll be easy.” She doesn’t want to hurt her, but between their usual passion and ovulation she sees no problems in getting any kind of sex from Delphine.

  
“OK.” Delphine is giddy, kissing her happily. They move to the bedroom easily, quickly shooing the remaining cats and shutting the door. This was one activity she did not want interrupted. 

She pulls out her new toy, and shows it to Delphine. It’s unrealistic, she’d taken the hint from Delphine’s choice that that might be preferred. It felt safer, at any rate. It is purple and rippled, but she thinks it’s a nice enough toy. 

  
“Oh it’s a little bigger than the one I bought.” Delphine notes, looking it over.

  
Cosima nods, she’d be cautious about that too. “Yeah is that OK?” She supposes she could send Delphine to get the other toy if that was going to be an issue.

“It should be fine.” Delphine assures her.

She pins Delphine to the bed playfully, catching her wrists in her hands and pinning them above her head. As they kiss she enjoys how Delphine moves under how, how giving Delphine is, how much she seems to enjoy this. 

  
“So hot.” Cosima murmurs.

Delphine only smiles, beginning to undress, Cosima and then herself. Kissing along lace, and teasing along seams of carefully chosen undergarments only stokes their passion higher.

She finally slides plum lace off perfect thighs and dips her face to taste her. And finds herself enthralled with the look and feel and taste of Delphine’s sex. 

“You really are perfect.” Cosima mutters, continuing to tease her before working her in earnest, Delphine trying to muffle her moans with the fingers of her free hand. The other tangled in dreads.

“Cosima… Cosima…”

Her hums in response and works her intently, wanting to make her gush and come. It doesn’t take much, and Cosima finds herself excitedly lapping at a sensitive Delphine.

  
“Come up here with me.” Delphine begs, pulling her up into her arms, kissing intently. 

“You want to do that now?” Cosima laughs, feeling two of Delphine’s long fingers enter her. 

“Always.” Delphine breathes, moving in to her intently, trying to keep their lips pressed together. Cosima climaxes faster than she expected, it’s so easy to slip over the edge. She collapses back on Delphine’s body, kissing her soft skin.

“I thought you’d want me to strap it on.” Cosima murmurs once she’s peaked. But Delphine is still running soft hands all over her body, her breasts, her hips, her back, her shoulder blades, her thighs, even grazing across her sensitive skin.

“I love every inch of your body. All of it.” Delphine tells her firmly.

  
  


“Yeah? Good.” Cosima sighs. 

“I want you inside me. I love you… and I want you inside me.” Delphine promises.   
  


“With the toy or with my fingers?” Cosima asks. They could, of course, do both.

“I don’t care.” Delphine tells her. “I want  _ you _ .”

Cosima presses a soft kiss to her lips and moves to stand up. She slips on the underwear style harness and securely inserts the toy. “I want this.”

“Good.” Delphine tells her, adjusting position on the bed. She starts out slow, testing Delphine with two fingers before slowly gliding the toy in.

“Oh.” Cosima breathes, looking down at Delphine’s face. “How is that?”   
  


“Not quite comfortable… can we change position?” Delphine asks.

“Absolutely.” Cosima pulls out and then lies down against her bed. “Get on top?”

“Yes.” Delphine agrees, and she slides down slowly. She is still for a long time, face lifted and body tense before she relaxes. Lifting and lowering herself gently.

“How does that feel?”

“Different… and somewhat familiar.” Delphine admits, she rides the toy for a long while, raising and lowering her body, rolling her hips, seeking stimulation from it. 

“Is this… not doing it for you?” Cosima asks after a while. “We could try another way?” She is open to different positions. Cannot imagine any way she doesn’t want to fuck Delphine.

“It’s just… different. It doesn’t stimulate me as directly as your hands do.” Delphine whispers, she continues to move, shortening her thrusts and increasing contact.

“Well, this is all about you.” Cosima reminds her. “I can feel the pressure of it against me, but this to me is all about your pleasure and getting to watch you.”

Delphine nods at her, moving to adjust the angle. She moves for a few more moments then drops down almost grinding against her. “Roll me over.” She whispers once she’s leaned down.

“Yes!” Cosima responds delightedly, she rolls Delphine over, and begins the shorter thrusts she thinks Delphine is after.

“Stay in, as much as possible.” Delphine instructs and they roll their hips, Delphine tightening against their movements until she breaks and comes against her.

“That was amazing.” Cosima murmurs, kissing Delphine’s cheek, she continues to move gently for a moment or two before pulling out. 

“It was very good.” Delphine tells her. “But now I want to feel you.”

“You just had me.” Cosima giggles, she kneels to remove the harness and then crawls back into Delphine’s arms.

“I want to feel you. Your fingers inside me.” Delphine tells her, “I want more.”

“You can have as much as you want.” Cosima promises. “My whole hand if you want it… I have lube.”

“Not tonight.” Delphine tells her after a hesitation. “Just… make love to me gently.”

And Cosima does, it’s easy enough to bring Delphine to an additional orgasm. And then she finds herself quivering with anticipation, watching a tousled blond head of curls work its way down her body. As her girlfriend’s lips find her sex she cries out loudly. This… this was better than expected.

  
  



	16. Chapter 16

_ Day 106 _

“So?” Cosima prompts Delphine. “We are finally on that patio.” It had taken this long, but they’d made it through the winter and gotten outside… kind of.

“We are.” Delphine stops to sip her iced tea. “It’s… perfection.” The tables are carefully spaced and the servers are masked, but it’s… as close to normality as they’ve had in months. It feels almost perfect. 

“It is.” Cosima agrees, regarding her dining companion. Her love for Delphine, that has only grown stronger. That is perfect, more or less. It seemed to be working, whatever it was between them. They hadn’t wanted to kill each other yet. And they still enjoyed each other.

“I mean we’re still basically in lockdown. Just less locked down.” Delphine admits. 

“But it feels better. We can see people… outside anyway.” Cosima tilts her head. “I can take my gorgeous girlfriend out for dinner and we can date.” It’s true, there are still restrictions, masks, social distancing measures. But right now she just wants to try to enjoy this as much as she can.

“We can. And we will do more. Maybe a walk or some hiking? » Delphine promises. “I do like being alone with you though.”

“We can still be alone… speaking of being alone I spoke to the rescue this morning, Stratus and Cirrus have a new home, the fabulous brother-sister tabby pair will be going home to another pair of lesbians.” Cosima laughs. “They’re Zoom interviewing for who takes Cumulus and Nimbus, but Scott says there’s a lot of interest in them. Even in Kiki and Fog. Even though I named him Fog.” Cosima pauses to stick her tongue out playfully.

“Good.” Delphine nods, “They are beautiful kittens. I want them to have good homes.”

  
“So do I. And then I will be free of tiny cats.” Cosima laughs, feeling lighthearted in the sun. She takes a sip of her caesar. “No more stepping on kittens, no more tripping over them or their shit, no more meowing at the crack of dawn.”

“About that…”   
  


“You want a cat?” Cosima isn’t surprised. Not really she supposes. Delphine has become attached to Kiki and the kittens. Maybe they both have a little too much. They are cute and caretaking is supposed to bond you to helpless or semi-helpless creatures.

“I have a surprise for you.” Delphine tells her.

  
“What is it?” Cosima asks, thinking she knows where this is going. Delphine did seem to like cats. And Delphine having a cat wasn’t a deal breaker. Maybe she’d go to the SPCA and grab one.

“I am an interested adopter for Kiki… and Fog.” Delphine admits with a smile. “I have been Facebook messaging the rescue for a while. I even filled out their forms. I’ve been approved.”

  
“You are?” Cosima’s eyes widen. Somehow she hadn’t been expecting this. At least without Delphine telling her first.

“But they give you first refusal on Kiki as her foster parent.” Delphine reminds her. 

“And I have told Scott no. I’ll tell the rescue too.” Cosima reminds her.

“I need you to tell Scott  _ yes _ . I want that cat.” Delphine informs her directly. “I want those cats, and there is someone else interested. I need you to fix this before we lose them.”

  
“Umm OK.” Cosima nods, realizing that this was happening. “So I tell Scott, umm changed my mind, my girlfriend wants those cats?”

  
“Try my girlfriend and I want those cats. I’m already to order them new things so you can return your borrowed supplies to Scott. After the new ones arrive.”

“So Kiki is moving exactly one apartment over.” Cosima takes a breath and decides she’s OK with it after all.

“Yes. And Fog, but I am renaming him Alphonse. Fog is a stupid name.” Delphine tells her unapologetically as she glances around the patio.

“Kiki and Al.” Cosima quips with a laugh. “Alright. So you’ll have cats.” That’s nowhere near a dealbreaker.

“Oui… I have a proposition for you, Cosima. I want you to consider it.” Delphine says simply, stopping to take a leisurely sip of red wine.

“What is it?”

“I want you to move in with me. My apartment is bigger. And, we could greatly reduce our rent costs if we cohabit. Additionally, we could save time, we’d only have to furnish and run one household. We could put the additional money towards a small car… I have an underground parking space sitting empty. And it is a pain getting around without a car right now.” Delphine seems intent on spelling out the logic of the decision.

“Wow.. I thought you’d never wanted to cohabit.” Cosima stops, letting the logical arguments sit for a minute. Delphine wanted her to move in. Less than six months in… Cosima pauses. It is doable certainly, but a bit fast.   
  
“I didn’t until now.” Delphine acknowledges. “Until you, Cosima…”

“But what is this to you? Like it’s only been… four or five months?” Cosima runs the numbers in her head. They haven’t been together that long. It’s probably not her best idea to rush in with the u haul. As much as she wants to. She can picture it, and it’s nearly idyllic in her mind. Her and Delphine, living together.

“This… this is everything to me Cosima. I want to be with you  _ forever _ . Je suis certaine.” Delphine looks at her, looking absolutely resolute. And Cosima melts, believing her. The hell with caution.

“Forever, eh?” Cosima beams. “Yeah. yeah we’ll do it. In the fall, if you still want to. Give us a little more time.” Living with Delphine sounds pretty perfect. 

Delphine looks at her intensely. “But what about the future?”

“What about it?” Cosima stretches out happily seated next to her girlfriend. “I assure you, I am into monogamy… so that is not a problem. At all.” At least she thought she was. She’d had long term girlfriends before and never strayed. Surely Delphine wasn’t worried about that. At least she hoped not.

“No… that I will… expect of you.” Delphine tells her straightforwardly. “I want a monogamous relationship with you and if I cannot have that -”

Cosima jumps quickly to cut her off. “Not a problem. As I said, so what is it?” Their server takes this moment to drop off a couple appetizers on their table and then noting the content of their conversation, quickly moves away from them.

“Like…all the rest of it. I thought, well a part of me thought, I’d get married… have kids…” Delphine mirrors her posture. “But my fantasy of my life with a husband and kids never… never appealed in reality.”

“Woah… woah… slow down, Cormier.” Cosima laughs holding up her hands. “We literally just got together. A few months ago. We don’t need to talk out our  _ entire _ future vision.” At least she hoped they didn’t. Who wanted to plan a future in a pandemic after all? A life with Delphine, sure. The exact details… Why did they need to hash everything out now? Moving in was a big enough step.

“But… I want you. I want you more, I think.” Delphine seems intent again. “We… we can still have a life together. And it’s not like it was when we were growing up, we could even get married. I mean… we could have  _ everything _ except children really.” Delphine continues thoughtfully.

“Again. Woah.” Cosima nods, she looks down at her food before continuing. Apparently this conversation was happening. This isn’t something they should be talking about now. “But you know there are lesbians who have kids. An ex of mine has a baby with her wife that keeps popping up on my Facebook feed.”

“One of your exes has a child?” Delphine’s eyes narrow at her.   
  


“Yeah. Don’t any of yours?” Cosima tilts her head, looking back at her quizzically. “It’s the age, right?”

“I don’t know. I do not speak with my exes.” Delphine says simply. “None of them. I don’t think we have anything left to discuss.”

“OK.” Cosima shrugs. “But that’s not important for us now. I mean… maybe someday? But it’s not something I want to do right this minute.” Way too much, Cosima thinks privately. But it can wait. A few years from now they could hash out the pros and cons if it was something Delphine was still in to.

“Alright. But you are not against it in the future?” Delphine clarifies.

“No. But… we’ll see what happens I guess.” Cosima shrugs. “I think moving in together is a big enough first step.”

“Just cats for now.” Delphine responds with a laugh. “The four of us will be very happy together.”

  
“Yeah just Kiki and Fog… Umm I mean Alphonse.” Cosima teases leaning across the table.

“Oui.” Delphine grins back at her, helping herself to one of the appetizers. “Oh… this is delicious Cosima.” She quickly holds up one of the pieces of bruschetta and brings it to Cosima’s lips.

  
Cosima bites readily, letting the taste fill her senses. “Oh it is good!” 

* * *

_ Day 161 _

“OK, Mom and Dad.” Cosima adjusts the lights on her computer monitor. She sees her parents, no doubt holding a laptop, perched on unfamiliar furniture. She wonders where they are now, but doesn’t doubt she’ll have some kind of answer by the end of their conversation.

“Hi Cosima.” They greet her pleasantly. As if it hadn’t been months since they’d last spoke. “You’re not in your apartment.” Her mother realizes a couple minutes into their catch-up chitchat.

  
“Well… actually I am.” Cosima glances around what is now their shared office space. They had started moving some of her stuff over as of mid-August, and it was almost complete now. Aside from the three boxes of things Cosima had decided to purge before moving. Even her storage bins from her storage locker had been combed over by herself and Delphine. 

“You moved?” Gene looks his daughter over. “Well… it looks nice. But I thought Toronto was in lockdown.”   
  


“Sort of?” Cosima answers honestly, hearing Delphing giggle from just out of view. “It’s varying restrictions based on case levels. But we are being careful.” Summer, restrictions aside, had been pretty wonderful. They’d even managed to get out of the city in a rental car once. Though, they’d gone only to a beach and carefully kept their distance from everyone around them. It had been, better than she could have expected. The warm weather had eased things a little, and they ventured out together more and more often. It was good… really good. 

“Is that a cat?” Sally comments, as Alphonse jumps onto the desk and begins preening. “Is that the surprise you have for us?”

  
“Well, part of it.” Cosima nods. “So… you remember me mentioning my neighbour Delphine to you… oh four months ago when we last spoke?”

“Yes.” Her father nods, drawing his hands through his greying hair.

“So this is Delphine.” Cosima grins, pulling Delphine into the frame with one arm. The months had gone better than expected. So had Delphine’s dissertation, her own was in an awkward holding pattern but she was slowly making progress thanks to Delphine’s contacts.

“Hello Delphine.” Her parents wave pleasantly and this immediately feels so much better than the call two weeks ago where she’d met Delphine’s mother. That… that had been awkward, language proficiency issues aside. She supposed that Delphine’s mother blamed her for ‘turning Delphine gay’ as if that was actually a thing. Maybe they’d get over it in time. Delphine’s father had been informed on the phone, not making the time to Skype with them, despite being invited. But to Delphine’s parents, their child having a female partner was new and sudden. To Cosima’s… it was old news, they wouldn’t find that the more distracting part of the revelation..

“Hello!” Delphine greets them enthusiastically with a wave.

  
“I moved in with Delphine. We’re living together now… I’ll send you the new address. Everything's the same except the unit number.” Cosima tells them calmly.

  
“Wow.” Sally nods. “That’s new.” Whatever her mother had been expecting, it wasn’t this. Cosima realizes suddenly. Maybe she should have made more of an effort to talk to them once a month or something.   
  
“Definitely new. Good for you.” Gene chimes in after looking at his wife for a long moment.

The rest of the conversation goes really well. They show her parents both cats, talk about the kittens, all but Alphonse now gone to their new homes. And she promises a virtual tour of the apartment at some later date. Whenever that ends up being. Between their work, and their fixation with each other, her parents would likely drop off the face of the earth for the next few weeks.

  
“That went well.” Cosima breathes happily. She knows she’s conveyed how serious she is about Delphine. Knows the Sally and Gene got the message, even if she didn’t have to spell it out.

“I think so.” Delphine responds. “I liked seeing them… they remind me of you.”

“Well they did make me.” Cosima points out. “Genetics and all. Plus all the lived experience together. Raised me, all that. Nature and nurture.” 

  
“They did. I will be certain to thank them for it later.” Delphine teases. “It was nice… I wish we’d done this sooner.”

Cosima just laughs and leans in to kiss her girlfriend on the cheek. This much had been wonderful. And leaving an apartment between them and Felix seems far better than the current awkward situation.

“I will miss my place. A little.” Cosima admits. It had been her home for two years, but this was the right decision. She could feel it. 

“Do you want to help me to pick out a new bedframe?”

“Are we ditching the floor bed?” Cosima asks, excitedly.

“I think we should… And your bed… well that’s gone.” Delphine shrugs.    
  
It was true, her bed was old and from IKEA… it was easy enough to let go of. 

“Alright. We’ll sort through the kitchen stuff tomorrow, get rid of our duplicates and cut down on clutter.” Cosima decides. She knows she has more stuff than Delphine. She’d had years in Toronto to accumulate it. And now must purge to make room.

“I thought we could go to bed first…” Delphine offers playfully. And her stomach flops pleasantly. The change in Delphine as her lover was undeniable. Months of practice had turned Delphine into an increasingly skilled and generous lover and it was blissful. 

  
Cosima practically skips to the bedroom after her. “I guess this is all ours now.”

“It is… we can get the last few boxes later.” Delphine moves in to undress her and it is easy, so easy to let go. To let Delphine undress her slowly as she strokes her body, tasting her flesh, running her hands over sensitive nipples and down to her thighs. 

“Oh god…. Delphine.” Cosima whimpers at the touch of Delphine’s mouth, at the push of Delphine’s fingers. And she comes undone on the bed too quickly for her liking. A soft tongue still flicking at her in hopes of a second climax. In fact, she hadn’t managed to top Delphine in days. Even then it was brief and Delphine would redirect her attention to Cosima. To Cosima’s arousal. It was too easy to flip things on her. But it was beginning to be a weird pattern. And she’d have to try to rectify it soon.

“Mmmm.” Delphine hums popping up from between her legs. “Tu es délicieuses, mon amour.” 

“You always say that.” Cosima teases, going to finish undressing Delphine who lets her without complaint.   
  
“It is always true.” Delphine points out. “I… I am very satisfied. We… we don’t need to do anything else.”

“But… I want to.” Cosima points out. “I want you… and you’ve been… kind of distant that way lately.”

“Sorry.” The française apologizes. “I’ve been distracted. Between moving, and meeting the parents… it’s… a lot.”   
  
“Too much?” Cosima shifts onto her side, resting her head against her hand. 

“Non… just a lot.” Delphine sighs. “And with me… it is always so messy. And I can just have you… and I am just as satisfied.” 

“Delphine, I know your couch is expensive…and your bed is new... but I still want to have you. I want to touch you. I don’t care that it’s messy.” Cosima tells her girlfriend for what is probably the dozenth time. “I love you… I love this. All of it.”

“And you can have me.” Delphine moves to tell her quickly. “If you want me… you can have me.”

And it’s enough, Cosima sighs, working her way down her lover’s body. She works Delphine gently with a soft mouth, not pushing too far. Just enjoying her, teasing until whimpers turn to hoarse cries and Delphine comes gushing into her mouth.

  
“Wow.” Cosima grins. “You know, I think we need to get back to our daily cunnilingus.”   
  
“Cosima…” Delphine laughs sitting up, she pulls the brunette into her arms, kissing her soundly. 

“Is it… is it because I kept using toys?” Cosima wonders if that what has shifted.

  
“Maybe…” Delphine bites her lip. “I ...I don’t always find that comfortable. Sometimes… I want you, but I don’t want you in. Or I would rather…”

“You want our bodies.” Cosima has realized this before. “I can cool it on the strap-ons for a while… I already know too close to your period and deep penetration is a no.”

“Just… sometimes no matter what I try it doesn’t feel good.” Delphine admits. “I know...it’s strange.”

“No it’s not. It’s your body.” Cosima leans in to lay a kiss against Delphine’s belly and then again on her sternum. “It’s okay to want it sometimes and then, not at others. I can adapt… I can work with it. I just… I want to be able to touch you.”

“Even though your smutty book is loaded with toy scenes?” Delphine raises one eyebrow at her.

  
“It’s fiction Delphine. Fantasy fodder. It’s not reality.” She laughs. “I want you. And if you just want it like this? Then this is what we’ll do.”

  
“It’s that easy?”

“It’s that easy, my love.” She moves to assure Delphine and turns surprisingly amorous again. She needs to have her. Needs to show her how much she wants. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 16 take two... sorry about the false post this morning. This is the finished version.


	17. Chapter 17

_ Day 287 _

“Alphonse you are huge.” Cosima pets the fluffy tuxedo cat, scratching him behind his ears. He is easily bigger than his mother already. And certainly ate enough premium cat food to show it. Kiki was snoozing on the couch and it seemed almost normal.

“He is not fat. He is… very fluffy.  _ Volumineux peut-être. Mais il est beau! _ ” Delphine counters, her voice ringing out from the bathroom. Delphine had gotten a couple stupidly expensive collars. Alphonse’s even had a bowtie. It made the cats look even more spoiled than reality. She glances around at the large carpeted cat condo and the rounded cat shelves Delphine had insisted on installing above their couch. It’s official, they were cat ladies now. The cats even had wrapped Christmas presents. It was all kind of weird.

“He is.” Cosima looks at the half-grown cat. She suspects he is going to be a rather large cat. Delphine was right, he was both bulky and large. She wondered what the vet would think of him next time they were in. If Alphonse was simply fat or if Kiki had been slutting around with a Maine Coon and they were going to end up with a 20 pound cat. Either way, since both cats were now sterilized with their vaccines up to date it wasn’t like they’d be bringing either cat back any time soon.

Cosima looks over the kitchen. Delphine had spent all day making her a few dishes, trying to make Christmas Eve special, even in lockdown. They’d put on music, instrumental covers of Christmas carols. And tried to make something of this.

  
“Full provincial lockdown.” Cosima comments glumly. They knew it was coming. Everyone did. Felix had left and gone to stay with his mom and sister, probably wise. Cosima thinks. To have the company.

“At least there is a vaccine, chérie.” Delphine points out. “And it looks very promising.” They start dinner. And perhaps it is ridiculous for two of them, cloth napkins and prosecco and a meal made specially for tonight.

“And neither of us will be eligible to receive it until what, late spring? Summer? Whenever low risk adults in their 20s and 30s are up for it.” Cosima estimates based on the prioritization schema they’d seen. They weren’t elderly, or healthcare workers, or essential service providers. They were far down the list.   
  


“At least.” Delphine looks up, running some sort of calculations in her head. “That is my best guess anyway.”

“I guess we might as well jump when we get the chance. I know you want to go home… visit France. Take me to Lille, and Paris…” Cosima drones on, regarding her girlfriend affectionately. That has been the dream. They’d managed to socialize outside, during the summer and early fall. She managed to introduce Delphine to a few of her friends and accidentally two of her exes. And it had gone well. Being able to go the France, to see where Delphine was from. That appealed immensely. 

“I want to do that. Hopefully we can in the summer.” Delphine tells her wistfully. “So what do you want to watch tonight?”

  
“Something Christmasy.” Cosima offers between bites of garlic mash potatoes and barbecue tempeh. At least dinner was a hit.

“What did your family watch?” Delphine asks.

  
“What did yours?” Cosima counters

“We went to mass and then ate a ridiculous amount of food.” Delphine mumbles, cuddling into her girlfriend.

“Are you up for It’s a Wonderful Life or Muppets Christmas Carol?” Cosima asks.

  
“You choose, ma chérie.” Delphine lays a soft kiss against the curve of her ear.

“Let’s go with Muppets.” Cosima giggles, snuggling into her girlfriend on the couch.

They both enjoy the silliness of the movie more than they want to admit at first, but finally when the credits are rolling Delphine shifts, throwing off the cozy red throw blanket.

  
“What is it?” Cosima stretches on the couch, giggly at the sight of her girlfriend on all fours approaching the Christmas tree. She looks up to find Kiki snoozing on one of the above couch perches. It feels good, almost normal considering. Christmas Eve with Delphine. She wonders just how many years this feeling will last. Wonders if the isolation has intensified their bond as well as their courtship.

“I have a surprise for you.” Delphine speaks very slowly, moving towards the two far-too-expensive stockings she’d laid under their small artificial pre-lit tree. They hadn’t had many ornaments. Cosima hadn’t had much use for Christmas since she’d outgrown believing in Santa Claus and her family had done little more than mail a gift every year since she’d moved out. 

“What is it?” Cosima tilts her head playfully. Delphine had outdone herself. For whatever reasons she couldn’t be entirely sure. 

“It is a surprise.” Delphine informs her continuing to dig for whatever she is after.

“It’s not Christmas Day yet.” Cosima teases, as Delphine shoves her hand into the stocking to produce a small ring box.

“Cosima…” Delphine breathes, dropping to one knee next to the couch. Suddenly it becomes far too clear what is happening. Her heart skips a beat and she is taken aback. She wasn’t expecting this. Couldn’t have anticipated this. When the hell did Delphine find time to buy a ring?!

“Oh… oh wow. Umm holy shit.” Cosima blinks. The ring box opens, the ring has a round cut ruby flanked by two tiny diamonds. The band is yellow gold. “Is this… what I think it is?”

“Will you marry me?” Delphine asks softly. “I… I know it’s soon… but the last nine months have been the best of my life… I have you! And… I need to…”

“Yes.” Cosima’s mind runs a mile a minute but she needs to get that answer out. “Yes. The answer is yes. I will marry you, Delphine.” There cannot be any other answer. This… this was always going to happen, Cosima rationalizes. Sooner or later, she would have married Delphine. She knows it in her soul. Knows it deeply.

She’s wrapped up in Delphine’s long arms near instant. Kissed deeply before she’s even had a chance to put the ring on. Holy shit. Cosima thinks to herself on repeat. Holy shit.

“I want everyone to know what you mean to me.” Delphine tells her when they pull apart. “I don’t want anyone to think I am not serious. I want you to know. I want everyone to know.”

“You blew the budget.” Cosima laughs finally, looking down at the ring which mysteriously fits her finger near perfectly.

  
“It’s… it’s not a Christmas present really. I kept in budget with your presents.” Delphine promises. “This is extra.” 

“So… I will have to propose to you later.” Cosima decides. Surely they should both get to. Maybe it could even be fun. Though she has every intention of making Delphine wait a while.

“What? No!” Delphine objects. “I already proposed to you. It’s done.”

  
“Says who?” Cosima counters. “There are no rules. Plus… you should get one too.” Cosima admires the ring. It is pretty perfect. Pretty amazing. And she can picture it on her hand for a long time. 

“Alright. I’ll be waiting.” Delphine smiles at her, leaning in for another kiss.   
  



End file.
